S
sonar bugnar
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- Nov 24, 2023
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TLDR: I haven’t been sexually attracted to my husband in 5 years and despite multiple conversations about it, he has not taken weight loss seriously and I’m struggling.
I want to preface this with a request to please be kind. I am truly struggling with this and am looking for legitimate advice on how to go about “fixing” this.
My husband M36 and I F28 have been together for over 9 years, married a year and a half ago on our 8 year anniversary. We have three kids, a house, a business, all sorts of goodies together.
The issue with his weight has been ongoing for about five years now. When I was pregnant with our youngest, I ended up with HG and was extremely ill the entire pregnancy. In and out of the ER, lost 60lbs, lots of concern about little ones progression. All ended well, healthy baby and no more sickness once I gave birth, but the stress of it all had him overeating and he gained around 70lbs throughout the process. As of now, he has not lost any of it. We were never the real fit couple, but were at healthy weights and that’s always been important to me. On top of the obesity, he is a pack a day smoker and I’m almost positive he has sleep apnea. I am truly, deeply concerned for his health.
On top of the concern for his health, I have not been sexually attracted to him for years. I kind of hoped I would “get over it” at some point, but that’s not going to happen. I really do love him and would never leave him because of his weight, but I want to love all of him again. I’ve talked to him about it a hundred times. I’ve cried. I’ve gotten angry. I committed to helping him make healthier choices with food and low intensity exercise (he has joint pain, which he attributes to age, not all the extra weight he carries). Nothing sticks. He loses 10lbs then goes right back to his bad habits and gains it back.
I don’t know how to get him to take this seriously. He thinks I have a low sex drive, but it’s not me. It’s him. I’m struggling. I’m unhappy. I don’t know what to do anymore. How do I get him to take his health and weightloss seriously? How to I get him to understand and care about the effect this has on me?
I want to preface this with a request to please be kind. I am truly struggling with this and am looking for legitimate advice on how to go about “fixing” this.
My husband M36 and I F28 have been together for over 9 years, married a year and a half ago on our 8 year anniversary. We have three kids, a house, a business, all sorts of goodies together.
The issue with his weight has been ongoing for about five years now. When I was pregnant with our youngest, I ended up with HG and was extremely ill the entire pregnancy. In and out of the ER, lost 60lbs, lots of concern about little ones progression. All ended well, healthy baby and no more sickness once I gave birth, but the stress of it all had him overeating and he gained around 70lbs throughout the process. As of now, he has not lost any of it. We were never the real fit couple, but were at healthy weights and that’s always been important to me. On top of the obesity, he is a pack a day smoker and I’m almost positive he has sleep apnea. I am truly, deeply concerned for his health.
On top of the concern for his health, I have not been sexually attracted to him for years. I kind of hoped I would “get over it” at some point, but that’s not going to happen. I really do love him and would never leave him because of his weight, but I want to love all of him again. I’ve talked to him about it a hundred times. I’ve cried. I’ve gotten angry. I committed to helping him make healthier choices with food and low intensity exercise (he has joint pain, which he attributes to age, not all the extra weight he carries). Nothing sticks. He loses 10lbs then goes right back to his bad habits and gains it back.
I don’t know how to get him to take this seriously. He thinks I have a low sex drive, but it’s not me. It’s him. I’m struggling. I’m unhappy. I don’t know what to do anymore. How do I get him to take his health and weightloss seriously? How to I get him to understand and care about the effect this has on me?
