goofen
Iron
- Joined
- Dec 22, 2024
- Posts
- 32
- Reputation
- 67
I am a below average ND loser who has never had a proper chance at life and it pisses me off. This is a rant about my life, and mostly about how it's been living as a autistic, short and ugly loser who has struggled to make friends and find love, hopefully some of you people might relate to this.
I have grown up to see everyone around me either get successful with money, foids, friends or all of these 3. While I don't get a chance to even know what it feels like to have any real friends or experience real love. There are no redeeming qualities about me, I am completely unremarkable and below average when it comes to my appearance. I have a recessed upper maxilla, my nose is so weirdly shaped it's the first thing people point out when they see me. I've went out to socialize to chat with foids and make friends, but people just want to avoid me, probably because I "look like a crackhead" according to my "friends".
I act weirdly and talk way to much. I'm guessing this is because of my autism diagnosis, but I personally don't believe autism is "real" in any meaningful way. My autism diagnosis is really just a name given to the weird habits I have developed as a reaction to years of bullying, loneliness and being forced to be "normal".
When I was in my very early teens I was more attractive and I had more success finding love, but because of bullying I started eating to the point where I became fat. My testosterone is so fucked, so I have terrible gyno which can be seen through my shirt, and because of that I have to buy specifically thicker t-shirts or wear hoodies more often. I'm sure my gyno was a byproduct of my unhealthy diet and constant stress due to bullying and other traumatic events in my life. I used to be so afraid of getting bullied I would sit in the snow outside of school for the entire school day just to avoid going in.
I remember one day when I went into school a group of girls said something along the lines of "Here comes the loser / weirdo". I'd never even interacted with these girls before and I didn't really even bother to turn and look at them, I just raised my arm and showed them the middle finger. After I did that one of these bitches responded by telling me to kill myself, and at that time since I had extreme mental issues I chose to hit myself in the head (Keep In mind I was pretty young too, around 14), and to that one of the girls replied "hit yourself harder". This is one of the many examples I have of how girls have treated me for just being an ugly NDcel.
I remember just sitting next to a foid in class and she would breathe shakily, as if I was staring her down or about to sexually assault her. Foids would also make fun of me just because they think its funny to make fun of ugly retarded kids like me. Because of this I essentially developed a hatred towards foids. I remember throwing a chair across the classroom just because I had to sit next to one.
And my "friends" were never better than any other normies. I hate them. Just a few days ago a "friend" quite literally made fun of me for being lonely, and he knows it just serves as ropefuel to me, but he doesn't give a fuck about me. I also see other friends living like chads and getting women. I genuinely want to just curb stomp these fucking retards, but at the end of the day all I do is laugh at their insults. They regularly make fun of my appearance too, and It just makes me want to rope more and more.
I've given up on finding love, and I might even rope soon seeing that there is nothing worth living for. My life is only grief over what I never will experience, and the pain I feel from what I have experienced.
I have grown up to see everyone around me either get successful with money, foids, friends or all of these 3. While I don't get a chance to even know what it feels like to have any real friends or experience real love. There are no redeeming qualities about me, I am completely unremarkable and below average when it comes to my appearance. I have a recessed upper maxilla, my nose is so weirdly shaped it's the first thing people point out when they see me. I've went out to socialize to chat with foids and make friends, but people just want to avoid me, probably because I "look like a crackhead" according to my "friends".
I act weirdly and talk way to much. I'm guessing this is because of my autism diagnosis, but I personally don't believe autism is "real" in any meaningful way. My autism diagnosis is really just a name given to the weird habits I have developed as a reaction to years of bullying, loneliness and being forced to be "normal".
When I was in my very early teens I was more attractive and I had more success finding love, but because of bullying I started eating to the point where I became fat. My testosterone is so fucked, so I have terrible gyno which can be seen through my shirt, and because of that I have to buy specifically thicker t-shirts or wear hoodies more often. I'm sure my gyno was a byproduct of my unhealthy diet and constant stress due to bullying and other traumatic events in my life. I used to be so afraid of getting bullied I would sit in the snow outside of school for the entire school day just to avoid going in.
I remember one day when I went into school a group of girls said something along the lines of "Here comes the loser / weirdo". I'd never even interacted with these girls before and I didn't really even bother to turn and look at them, I just raised my arm and showed them the middle finger. After I did that one of these bitches responded by telling me to kill myself, and at that time since I had extreme mental issues I chose to hit myself in the head (Keep In mind I was pretty young too, around 14), and to that one of the girls replied "hit yourself harder". This is one of the many examples I have of how girls have treated me for just being an ugly NDcel.
I remember just sitting next to a foid in class and she would breathe shakily, as if I was staring her down or about to sexually assault her. Foids would also make fun of me just because they think its funny to make fun of ugly retarded kids like me. Because of this I essentially developed a hatred towards foids. I remember throwing a chair across the classroom just because I had to sit next to one.
And my "friends" were never better than any other normies. I hate them. Just a few days ago a "friend" quite literally made fun of me for being lonely, and he knows it just serves as ropefuel to me, but he doesn't give a fuck about me. I also see other friends living like chads and getting women. I genuinely want to just curb stomp these fucking retards, but at the end of the day all I do is laugh at their insults. They regularly make fun of my appearance too, and It just makes me want to rope more and more.
I've given up on finding love, and I might even rope soon seeing that there is nothing worth living for. My life is only grief over what I never will experience, and the pain I feel from what I have experienced.
