H
humanoidsub7
idle
- Joined
- Oct 31, 2022
- Posts
- 8,524
- Reputation
- 8,837
A year ago, I watched all my friends fall in love—those awkward, sweet crushes, the nervous first dates, the thrill of holding someone’s hand for the first time.
This happened in a summer camp.
It seemed so simple for them, so easy. But for me, it never happened. I kept waiting, hoping that maybe one day, it would be my turn. But that day never came. And when I invited a girl, which wasn't conventionally attractive, I got stood up and her explanation (which gave to a friend, not even me) was that she was "awkward".
Yet, she went with another guy.
As if that wasn’t enough, there was always this other thing—people, even my own family and friends reminding me I wasn’t good-looking enough.
I even went to my old school... Not even my own friends liked me, blatantly ignored by classmates, NO APPROACHES WHATSOEVER.
I even got to know they all called me weird despite I TRIED EVERYTHING TO BE IN A GOOD SPOTLIGHT.
Even at home, there were these snide comments, these looks from my family, as if they were embarrassed by how I turned out. They never said it outright, but I could see it in their eyes, hear it in their words. They’d say things like, “If only you looked a little better".
After all of this, I acknowledge my actual worth was tied up in how I looked.
I am still stuck with all these “what ifs”.
My family has this fucking necessity to say "But you are a miracle!!!!! You are the answer of your mom's prayers!!!" (Cause she was sterile) like if that heals my internal pain.
Never got the chance, NEVER.