Phaethon
Iron
- Joined
- Jul 23, 2025
- Posts
- 49
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Mommy ASMR is the new truecel meta for gaining bone mass while staying natty. (100% serious, NOT larping)
Read the whole thing before you call me schizophrenic.
Romantic stimuli trigger oxytocin, which directly interfaces with osteoblast differentiation and collagen synthesis. In simple terms, it makes your bones thicker. If you're too pussy to inject pth analogs, you need to oxytocinmaxx.
Now, I know 99% of us here on this forum have ever experienced anything remotely romantic
. That's fine, there's a workaround.
Mommy ASMR.
Now listen before you laugh. Your brain won't be able to tell the difference between this and actual social interaction, especially if you're touch-starved and have a dormant hypothalamus because you're a degenerate neet. The auditory stimulation activates the limbic-hypothalamic feedback loop, tricking your endocrine system into believing you’re in a nurturing social environment. Oxytocin spikes. Cortisol plummets. Bone density skyrockets.
Now, you might be asking yourself "Why specifically MOMMY asmr?" Well, that's quite simple. It has to be maternal. The mother archetype hits the deepest evolutionary pathways — the same circuits responsible for childhood growth and emotional regulation.
You can mock me all you want but I've logged each session and measured progress. My cheekbones have grown 3mm in a month and my femur bone is denser than fucking uranium. If you're not doing this you need to hop on now, this is going mainstream soon.
I dub this: The Mommy ASMR Protocol (MAP).
Read the whole thing before you call me schizophrenic.
Romantic stimuli trigger oxytocin, which directly interfaces with osteoblast differentiation and collagen synthesis. In simple terms, it makes your bones thicker. If you're too pussy to inject pth analogs, you need to oxytocinmaxx.
Now, I know 99% of us here on this forum have ever experienced anything remotely romantic
. That's fine, there's a workaround.Mommy ASMR.
Now listen before you laugh. Your brain won't be able to tell the difference between this and actual social interaction, especially if you're touch-starved and have a dormant hypothalamus because you're a degenerate neet. The auditory stimulation activates the limbic-hypothalamic feedback loop, tricking your endocrine system into believing you’re in a nurturing social environment. Oxytocin spikes. Cortisol plummets. Bone density skyrockets.
Now, you might be asking yourself "Why specifically MOMMY asmr?" Well, that's quite simple. It has to be maternal. The mother archetype hits the deepest evolutionary pathways — the same circuits responsible for childhood growth and emotional regulation.
You can mock me all you want but I've logged each session and measured progress. My cheekbones have grown 3mm in a month and my femur bone is denser than fucking uranium. If you're not doing this you need to hop on now, this is going mainstream soon.
I dub this: The Mommy ASMR Protocol (MAP).
