ElySioNs
Mercenary
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- Feb 7, 2021
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As stated in the title, a few months ago my partner (32F) who I will refer to as 'J' and 3 of her female coworkers/friends went to another coworkers(30M) birthday party. Before the party they all met at the house of 2 of the girlfriends and had the idea to take nude Polaroid photos of themselves as gifts for the male coworker.
I was initially unaware of this happening as I did not attend the party, it was a week after that J told me her friends took photos to give to him. She neglected to mention she was involved. However this set off alarm bells for me that her 3 friends took photos but she didn't. As someone who was mercilessly and numerously cheated on in a previous relationship I will admit I struggle with trust. So I waited until that night and checked her phone and the group chat with her girlfriends and saw that they had asked the male coworkers for 'reviews' of their nudes. He gave a review for J, saying "your body is like a fluffy cloud I could spend hours exploring". I was absolutely furious as I had firmly set my boundaries with J around cheating and infidelity from the beginning of our relationship. My words to J were that ‘you have betrayed the sexual exclusivity of our relationship’ and that my trust is now fractured due to her lie by omission that she wasn’t initially involved.
She argued that it was just a joke and was just as mad at me for going through her phone. Two of her friends who took photos are in a same sex relationship and they were comfortable doing it according to J, so why wasn't I okay with it? But I argued I wasn’t given a choice to voice my opinion. If I was told about it beforehand and that it was a joke I would have potentially been okay with it as I know the male coworker. But now the female coworkers have been making comments to J that I’m controlling and making jokes about me ‘letting her’ do things or not. I am unsure how to proceed.
I was initially unaware of this happening as I did not attend the party, it was a week after that J told me her friends took photos to give to him. She neglected to mention she was involved. However this set off alarm bells for me that her 3 friends took photos but she didn't. As someone who was mercilessly and numerously cheated on in a previous relationship I will admit I struggle with trust. So I waited until that night and checked her phone and the group chat with her girlfriends and saw that they had asked the male coworkers for 'reviews' of their nudes. He gave a review for J, saying "your body is like a fluffy cloud I could spend hours exploring". I was absolutely furious as I had firmly set my boundaries with J around cheating and infidelity from the beginning of our relationship. My words to J were that ‘you have betrayed the sexual exclusivity of our relationship’ and that my trust is now fractured due to her lie by omission that she wasn’t initially involved.
She argued that it was just a joke and was just as mad at me for going through her phone. Two of her friends who took photos are in a same sex relationship and they were comfortable doing it according to J, so why wasn't I okay with it? But I argued I wasn’t given a choice to voice my opinion. If I was told about it beforehand and that it was a joke I would have potentially been okay with it as I know the male coworker. But now the female coworkers have been making comments to J that I’m controlling and making jokes about me ‘letting her’ do things or not. I am unsure how to proceed.
