cromagnon
Beauty is a virtue
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Throwaway account because this is too embarrassing.
For some context, my son is on the spectrum and has difficulty forming relationships with people as a result, although he still has a few in person friends. He's extremely intelligent, and knows many things, especially when he puts his mind to it. I also know he uses a lot of social media, since it's easier for him to make friends that way, however I did not monitor them which I regret doing.
The first red flag was when he was 13 and he began talking to me about various statistics which he said proved that the races were not equal, like crime and IQ, and when I pointed out there are societal reasons for this, he went on a rant and said that that these are actually biological (I still don't know what his sources are). At that time I just chalked it up to him not understanding the world very well and assumed he would grow out of it, but it has only gotten worse in every way.
He ordered a copy of Mein Kampf to our home. Fortunately, I saw the package and threw it away before he could get his hands on it, but when I confronted him about it, he started screaming and telling me that all his online friends and he started a reading group where they would read books together and they started with Mein Kampf, and that now he would be left out. I asked him if any of his friends at school were reading Mein Kampf, and he said that they were "normies" who didn't understand reality. I asked him if he thought I was a "normie" too, and he went on an incredibly misogynistic tirade against me saying that I was a "whore" and a "roastie" (I looked up what it meant later and I was horrified) for pursuing my career (which has provided our family with lots of money, including that he benefits from!) and for openly talking about my past relationships before I met his father, and also because his father and were never married and now separated. He told me he hated me for ruining his life by waiting "so long" to have children which is why he was on the spectrum and had difficulty talking to people (many of my friends had children at my age and they did not have children on the spectrum, not that it's a problem anyway). And that was only the beginning, I do not wish to go into more detail, but I couldn't even say anything to him as I broke down crying. I loved my son and we were so close until that point and never before had anything so mean ever been said to me. I couldn't handle it. I didn't understand why he would say such horrible things to me, or how he could have learned such ideas. I am a progressive, and especially feminist, and I thought I was raising our son to hold the same values, but he became the complete opposite of what I wanted him to be.
In the aftermath of this, I confiscated his computer and phone, although I did let him send one last message to his horrible "friends" since he wouldn't stop screaming to us about how he couldn't just abandon them without saying anything. However, this did not help in any way. He began spending more and more time outside the house, which I thought was a good thing and that maybe he was socializing with his peers who didn't accept this sort of thing. I also noticed over the next few months that he was getting more and more muscular, I was proud of him, but I also did not want him to believe he had to prove his "manliness" by getting big muscles, he then cursed me out and told me I was trying to make him a "soyboy" (a term I did not know and had to look up) so he didn't care what I had to say. Eventually I find out he somehow managed to find a skinhead gang after school and they workout together... after I saw him with them, I screamed at him and then at them that they as grown men should stop trying to manipulate a teenage boy and there was no reason for him to spend time with strange men in their 20s and 30s.
After that, I was very strict about everything he was doing. I would pick him up and drop him off, even though it meant I needed to take off time from work to do so. When I dropped him off at home, I locked the doors to make sure he could not escape before returning to work. However, this did not work either, and eventually I was called by the school principle who let us know that he and his school friends (who he has also convinced to become Nazis now!) had beaten a group of POC boys up and that he and his friends would receive a suspension as a result. I was so livid. I could not imagine the fact I was raising a future criminal, and he told me that I was a traitor for not being proud of him for being stronger than them and for beating up "murderers of our people, rapists of our women, and invaders of our lands". No reason can get to him, and no discipline can get to him. And now I AM SUFFERING THE CONSEQUENCES TOO, all my friends now assume I must be a racist because of my son, and don't want to spend time with me anymore. The other parents at the school avoid me. People who used to be friendly are now cold. I have no idea how to deal with this situation, can anyone here on Reddit give me good advice?
For some context, my son is on the spectrum and has difficulty forming relationships with people as a result, although he still has a few in person friends. He's extremely intelligent, and knows many things, especially when he puts his mind to it. I also know he uses a lot of social media, since it's easier for him to make friends that way, however I did not monitor them which I regret doing.
The first red flag was when he was 13 and he began talking to me about various statistics which he said proved that the races were not equal, like crime and IQ, and when I pointed out there are societal reasons for this, he went on a rant and said that that these are actually biological (I still don't know what his sources are). At that time I just chalked it up to him not understanding the world very well and assumed he would grow out of it, but it has only gotten worse in every way.
He ordered a copy of Mein Kampf to our home. Fortunately, I saw the package and threw it away before he could get his hands on it, but when I confronted him about it, he started screaming and telling me that all his online friends and he started a reading group where they would read books together and they started with Mein Kampf, and that now he would be left out. I asked him if any of his friends at school were reading Mein Kampf, and he said that they were "normies" who didn't understand reality. I asked him if he thought I was a "normie" too, and he went on an incredibly misogynistic tirade against me saying that I was a "whore" and a "roastie" (I looked up what it meant later and I was horrified) for pursuing my career (which has provided our family with lots of money, including that he benefits from!) and for openly talking about my past relationships before I met his father, and also because his father and were never married and now separated. He told me he hated me for ruining his life by waiting "so long" to have children which is why he was on the spectrum and had difficulty talking to people (many of my friends had children at my age and they did not have children on the spectrum, not that it's a problem anyway). And that was only the beginning, I do not wish to go into more detail, but I couldn't even say anything to him as I broke down crying. I loved my son and we were so close until that point and never before had anything so mean ever been said to me. I couldn't handle it. I didn't understand why he would say such horrible things to me, or how he could have learned such ideas. I am a progressive, and especially feminist, and I thought I was raising our son to hold the same values, but he became the complete opposite of what I wanted him to be.
In the aftermath of this, I confiscated his computer and phone, although I did let him send one last message to his horrible "friends" since he wouldn't stop screaming to us about how he couldn't just abandon them without saying anything. However, this did not help in any way. He began spending more and more time outside the house, which I thought was a good thing and that maybe he was socializing with his peers who didn't accept this sort of thing. I also noticed over the next few months that he was getting more and more muscular, I was proud of him, but I also did not want him to believe he had to prove his "manliness" by getting big muscles, he then cursed me out and told me I was trying to make him a "soyboy" (a term I did not know and had to look up) so he didn't care what I had to say. Eventually I find out he somehow managed to find a skinhead gang after school and they workout together... after I saw him with them, I screamed at him and then at them that they as grown men should stop trying to manipulate a teenage boy and there was no reason for him to spend time with strange men in their 20s and 30s.
After that, I was very strict about everything he was doing. I would pick him up and drop him off, even though it meant I needed to take off time from work to do so. When I dropped him off at home, I locked the doors to make sure he could not escape before returning to work. However, this did not work either, and eventually I was called by the school principle who let us know that he and his school friends (who he has also convinced to become Nazis now!) had beaten a group of POC boys up and that he and his friends would receive a suspension as a result. I was so livid. I could not imagine the fact I was raising a future criminal, and he told me that I was a traitor for not being proud of him for being stronger than them and for beating up "murderers of our people, rapists of our women, and invaders of our lands". No reason can get to him, and no discipline can get to him. And now I AM SUFFERING THE CONSEQUENCES TOO, all my friends now assume I must be a racist because of my son, and don't want to spend time with me anymore. The other parents at the school avoid me. People who used to be friendly are now cold. I have no idea how to deal with this situation, can anyone here on Reddit give me good advice?
