My entire story from joining the forum to where I am now

[Jason Voorhees]

@Leo @Whiteboard7

 

[Whiteboard7]

@Leo @Whiteboard7

Thanks for the ping give me a sec to read it

 

[Kazura_]

Bookmarked, I remember you from one of my first posts so I will read this am my shift break

 

[filthycurrycel]

congrats bro

 

[Whiteboard7]

I joined this forum back in May 2020 when I was just 16. I'd always been a loner throughout my middle school and high school but the COVID lockdowns annihilated any realistic shot at building friendships in the real world. With nowhere else to turn, I started exploring online forums and finally stumbled on r/incelwithoutHate and eventually landed here on looksmax.org. I was completely ignorant and didn't fully understand the nature of this forum and what it was and ended up getting bullied by everyone and what followed was a full year of pure rot

I was terminally online, doomscrolling, blackpilled, and completely detached from reality. I thought my life was already over at 17. I remember making this post like it was yesterday

Turned 17 yesterday and I'm full of regrets

So here I am, just turned 17 yesterday and still don't have my driver's license. I've also never kissed a girl and have no idea what to do with my life. I honestly feel like I am a waste of fucking human space sometimes. I've been depressed for most of my senior year in high school. I have 0...

looksmax.org

I just drifted through my life not knowing what to do but somehow cleared the entrance exam after a lot of grind and secured a seat in one of the most prestigious universities but all that studying rotting cycles took its toll on me. I had lost a ton of weight. First year should have been a fresh start but instead I spiraled even harder knowing I was so far behind everyone. Heavy drinking, endless partying, rotting on the forum for hours every day, and yes sleeping around with random women whose names I didn't even bother remembering. I wasn't a KHHV or just getting blowjobs I lied when I made threads and posts about that to join .is because I was hungry for attention. I wanted someone's sympathy because I had a strong victim complex. I thought the world had done me wrong and this victim complex stayed with me for a very long time and that phase wasn't fun. It wasn't who I am. It was just desperate maladaptive coping sweeping every problem under the rug so I didn't have to look at it. The booze helped me forget it and The random encounters were temporary ego patches. None of it fixed anything. All of it was just cheap validation for a fragile ego that was already shattered, months of this and the symptoms of acute depression hit like a truck.

View attachment 4826559View attachment 4826560


Then, almost by accident I showed up for army selections just for the heck of it. I still don't understand why I did that. I just saw that poster on the college bulletin board and then showed up on the selection day in a track and suit at 5 am. Almost having missed it because I overslept and that one decision changed my life. I ended up committing to three years of voluntary service. I quit alcohol, distanced myself from all those toxic people and finally built real discipline. A lot happened in those years after that. I started working at 19. My first wages were peanuts and well minimum wage but I was still happy because I was making progress and upskilling myself and then i secured this internship and there was no looking back.

I secured the super dream summer internship at american express

Follow up to this thread https://looksmax.org/threads/i-got-shortlisted-for-nvidias-and-american-expresss-summer-internship.1133576/ I'm in. Still haven't accepted the offer. As I have a few more companies in the pipeline @TechnoBoss @Chadeep @ascension

looksmax.org

I gained a lot of weight in between aswell in between neglecting my diet, a lot of problems, emotional trauma, failed relationships, burnt bridges but I was on a forward trajectory. I joined multiple startups, did freelance work, got mentored and learned from a lot of people who helped throughout the way.


I secured a full time offer at company of my dreams, lost all the weight I gained, had built connections, a real social circle with people who actually cared for me and got into a real LTR with a woman that I love by the time college wrapped up. I had sincerely turned my life around. Yet the old me still haunts me. My teenage years were completely ruined with nothing but doom and despair at sight. The daily emotional scars, the lingering social isolation, the hopelessness that used to feel permanent, they haven't fully healed. When people ask me why I have so many posts this is the reason why. That is why I sit at 85k+ posts here. This place became my diary, my escape, and eventually my second home. I didn't choose this level of activity, it chose me because the pain needed somewhere to go.

It wasn't all just my own effort. I was mentored and guided by a lot of good people who were kind enough to help a lost kid. I am very grateful for all of them but if I had to point to one person who made the biggest difference, it was my dad. He was always there for me and supported me unconditionally. It was because of his support I came out of the mess, his connections that got me my part time job and his money that got me out of situations.

I have come far from that 16 year old kid who first registered here. Blackpilled, broken, and rotting to where I am today. This forum and my posts bear witness to all that happened over the years. It wasn't easy, it didn't happen overnight, took a lot of time. When I'm narrating it all out it might seem like it was a straight upwards line but it wasn't. It was a very slow with lots of ups and downs. Almost 6 years which is a very long time, to come out and make sense of the gigantic failure of a life I was living in. If you are in one, even if it seems hopeless a turn around is possible especially when you're lucky to have people who refuse to give up on you.

Did read. Sorry to hear that your teenage years all went to shit. I relate too but I'm 18 in my first year of college currently. I don't really like to go out partying just like grinding my ass off daily. Crazy you joined the military and did alot of start ups seems fun lol. Yeah I never got to go to prom don't even have my license because of one of my parents. Hoping life can get better but I need to ascend heavily first. Thanks for the ping brah sorry all of this happened. Anything I should learn specifically from this

 

[Jason Voorhees]

Did read. Sorry to hear that your teenage years all went to shit. I relate too but I'm 18 in my first year of college currently. I don't really like to go out partying just like grinding my ass off daily. Crazy you joined the military and did alot of start ups seems fun lol. Yeah I never got to go to prom don't even have my license because of one of my parents. Hoping life can get better but I need to ascend heavily first. Thanks for the ping brah sorry all of this happened. Anything I should learn specifically from this

Don't rot, live life and be happy

 

[Whiteboard7]

Don't rot, live life and be happy

Hopefully I can fix that. But it will be hard for me

 

[Jason Voorhees]

Hopefully I can fix that. But it will be hard for me

What's stopping you?

 

[Jason Voorhees]

@abzz!

 

[abzz!]

@abzz!

beautiful story man.

i pray that i end up like you did. im currently 16, in a LTR, not bad looking

money is probably my biggest struggle rn

mirin so hard sir voorhees

 

[Jason Voorhees]

@imontheloose @inversions

 

[karmacitathugmaxx]

just keep movin forward

until you die, you win, or you turn 30

@6ft4 mirin

 

[thekidd8]

I read every pixel

The lore of the legendary Jason Voorhees himself

 

[Jason Voorhees]

@dictator @Banned User

 

[dictator]

lifefuel

 

[Mom]

I joined this forum back in May 2020 when I was just 16. I'd always been a loner throughout my middle school and high school but the COVID lockdowns annihilated any realistic shot at building friendships in the real world. With nowhere else to turn, I started exploring online forums and finally stumbled on r/incelwithoutHate and eventually landed here on looksmax.org. I was completely ignorant and didn't fully understand the nature of this forum and what it was and ended up getting bullied by everyone and what followed was a full year of pure rot

I was terminally online, doomscrolling, blackpilled, and completely detached from reality. I thought my life was already over at 17. I remember making this post like it was yesterday

Turned 17 yesterday and I'm full of regrets

So here I am, just turned 17 yesterday and still don't have my driver's license. I've also never kissed a girl and have no idea what to do with my life. I honestly feel like I am a waste of fucking human space sometimes. I've been depressed for most of my senior year in high school. I have 0...

looksmax.org

I just drifted through my life not knowing what to do but somehow cleared the entrance exam after a lot of grind and secured a seat in one of the most prestigious universities but all that studying rotting cycles took its toll on me. I had lost a ton of weight. First year should have been a fresh start but instead I spiraled even harder knowing I was so far behind everyone. Heavy drinking, endless partying, rotting on the forum for hours every day, and yes sleeping around with random women whose names I didn't even bother remembering. I wasn't a KHHV or just getting blowjobs I lied when I made threads and posts about that to join .is because I was hungry for attention. I wanted someone's sympathy because I had a strong victim complex. I thought the world had done me wrong and this victim complex stayed with me for a very long time and that phase wasn't fun. It wasn't who I am. It was just desperate maladaptive coping sweeping every problem under the rug so I didn't have to look at it. The booze helped me forget it and The random encounters were temporary ego patches. None of it fixed anything. All of it was just cheap validation for a fragile ego that was already shattered, months of this and the symptoms of acute depression hit like a truck.

View attachment 4826559View attachment 4826560


Then, almost by accident I showed up for army selections just for the heck of it. I still don't understand why I did that. I saw that poster on the college bulletin board and then showed up on the selection day in a track suit at 5 am. Almost having missed it because I overslept and that one decision changed my life. I ended up committing to three years of voluntary service. I quit alcohol, distanced myself from all those toxic people and finally built real discipline. A lot happened in those years after that. I started working at 19. My first wages were peanuts and well minimum wage but I was still happy because I was making progress and upskilling myself and then i secured this internship and there was no looking back.

I secured the super dream summer internship at american express

Follow up to this thread https://looksmax.org/threads/i-got-shortlisted-for-nvidias-and-american-expresss-summer-internship.1133576/ I'm in. Still haven't accepted the offer. As I have a few more companies in the pipeline @TechnoBoss @Chadeep @ascension

looksmax.org

I gained a lot of weight in between aswell in between neglecting my diet, a lot of problems, emotional trauma, failed relationships, burnt bridges but I was on a forward trajectory. I joined multiple startups, did freelance work, got mentored and learned from a lot of people who helped throughout the way.


I secured a full time offer at company of my dreams, lost all the weight I gained, had built connections, a real social circle with people who actually cared for me and got into a real LTR with a woman that I love by the time college wrapped up. I had sincerely turned my life around. Yet the old me still haunts me. My teenage years were completely ruined with nothing but doom and despair at sight. The daily emotional scars, the lingering social isolation, the hopelessness that used to feel permanent, they haven't fully healed. When people ask me why I have so many posts this is the reason why. That is why I sit at 85k+ posts here. This place became my diary, my escape, and eventually my second home. I didn't choose this level of activity, it chose me because the pain needed somewhere to go.

It wasn't all just my own effort. I was mentored and guided by a lot of good people who were kind enough to help a lost kid. I am very grateful for all of them but if I had to point to one person who made the biggest difference, it was my dad. He was always there for me and supported me unconditionally. It was because of his support I came out of the mess, his connections that got me my part time job and his money that got me out of situations.

I have come far from that 16 year old kid who first registered here. Blackpilled, broken, and rotting to where I am today. This forum and my posts bear witness to all that happened over the years. It wasn't easy, it didn't happen overnight, took a lot of time. When I'm narrating it all out it might seem like it was a straight upwards line but it wasn't. It was a very slow with lots of ups and downs. Almost 6 years which is a very long time, to come out and make sense of the gigantic failure of a life I was living in. If you are in one, even if it seems hopeless a turn around is possible especially when you're lucky to have people who refuse to give up on you.

Your story is a inspiration for me. Mirin

 

[Whiteboard7]

What's stopping you?

Idk don't like the way I look. Not good enough. Trying to get it right now though

 

[Jason Voorhees]

@Sayori @BeanCelll

 

[Sayori]

@Sayori @BeanCelll

already repped and read a while ago

thanks for the tag however

 

[Jgns]

I joined this forum back in May 2020 when I was just 16. I'd always been a loner throughout my middle school and high school but the COVID lockdowns annihilated any realistic shot at building friendships in the real world. With nowhere else to turn, I started exploring online forums and finally stumbled on r/incelwithoutHate and eventually landed here on looksmax.org. I was completely ignorant and didn't fully understand the nature of this forum and what it was and ended up getting bullied by everyone and what followed was a full year of pure rot

I was terminally online, doomscrolling, blackpilled, and completely detached from reality. I thought my life was already over at 17. I remember making this post like it was yesterday

Turned 17 yesterday and I'm full of regrets

So here I am, just turned 17 yesterday and still don't have my driver's license. I've also never kissed a girl and have no idea what to do with my life. I honestly feel like I am a waste of fucking human space sometimes. I've been depressed for most of my senior year in high school. I have 0...

looksmax.org

I just drifted through my life not knowing what to do but somehow cleared the entrance exam after a lot of grind and secured a seat in one of the most prestigious universities but all that studying rotting cycles took its toll on me. I had lost a ton of weight. First year should have been a fresh start but instead I spiraled even harder knowing I was so far behind everyone. Heavy drinking, endless partying, rotting on the forum for hours every day, and yes sleeping around with random women whose names I didn't even bother remembering. I wasn't a KHHV or just getting blowjobs I lied when I made threads and posts about that to join .is because I was hungry for attention. I wanted someone's sympathy because I had a strong victim complex. I thought the world had done me wrong and this victim complex stayed with me for a very long time and that phase wasn't fun. It wasn't who I am. It was just desperate maladaptive coping sweeping every problem under the rug so I didn't have to look at it. The booze helped me forget it and The random encounters were temporary ego patches. None of it fixed anything. All of it was just cheap validation for a fragile ego that was already shattered, months of this and the symptoms of acute depression hit like a truck.

View attachment 4826559View attachment 4826560


Then, almost by accident I showed up for army selections just for the heck of it. I still don't understand why I did that. I saw that poster on the college bulletin board and then showed up on the selection day in a track suit at 5 am. Almost having missed it because I overslept and that one decision changed my life. I ended up committing to three years of voluntary service. I quit alcohol, distanced myself from all those toxic people and finally built real discipline. A lot happened in those years after that. I started working at 19. My first wages were peanuts and well minimum wage but I was still happy because I was making progress and upskilling myself and then i secured this internship and there was no looking back.

I secured the super dream summer internship at american express

Follow up to this thread https://looksmax.org/threads/i-got-shortlisted-for-nvidias-and-american-expresss-summer-internship.1133576/ I'm in. Still haven't accepted the offer. As I have a few more companies in the pipeline @TechnoBoss @Chadeep @ascension

looksmax.org

I gained a lot of weight in between aswell in between neglecting my diet, a lot of problems, emotional trauma, failed relationships, burnt bridges but I was on a forward trajectory. I joined multiple startups, did freelance work, got mentored and learned from a lot of people who helped throughout the way.


I secured a full time offer at company of my dreams, lost all the weight I gained, had built connections, a real social circle with people who actually cared for me and got into a real LTR with a woman that I love by the time college wrapped up. I had sincerely turned my life around. Yet the old me still haunts me. My teenage years were completely ruined with nothing but doom and despair at sight. The daily emotional scars, the lingering social isolation, the hopelessness that used to feel permanent, they haven't fully healed. When people ask me why I have so many posts this is the reason why. That is why I sit at 85k+ posts here. This place became my diary, my escape, and eventually my second home. I didn't choose this level of activity, it chose me because the pain needed somewhere to go.

It wasn't all just my own effort. I was mentored and guided by a lot of good people who were kind enough to help a lost kid. I am very grateful for all of them but if I had to point to one person who made the biggest difference, it was my dad. He was always there for me and supported me unconditionally. It was because of his support I came out of the mess, his connections that got me my part time job and his money that got me out of situations.

I have come far from that 16 year old kid who first registered here. Blackpilled, broken, and rotting to where I am today. This forum and my posts bear witness to all that happened over the years. It wasn't easy, it didn't happen overnight, took a lot of time. When I'm narrating it all out it might seem like it was a straight upwards line but it wasn't. It was a very slow with lots of ups and downs. Almost 6 years which is a very long time, to come out and make sense of the gigantic failure of a life I was living in. If you are in one, even if it seems hopeless a turn around is possible especially when you're lucky to have people who refuse to give up on you.

Damn, that basically sounds like me right now, except I'm 20. I've stopped school these past two and a half years because of insane depression, tbh, atp it feels more like pure despair. I've had this depression since I was 11. Before then, I was a pretty good-looking kid. I was already blackpilled (though i didnt know what it was called) and a bit neurodivergent, but my looks carried me until I was 11, which is when I got SA'd. I know every girl says this online so it sounds corny as fuck to talk about these days, but it happened by a guy I thought was a friend. Fuck its so corny to say.

The worst part was my mom blamed it on me. She basically treated me like I was subhuman, destroyed my social life by cutting me off from everyone, and moved me to an Islamic school full of the most degenerate, close-minded people of all time. Being neurodivergent, and now subhuman, I was bullied there by basically everyone. I'd go home, and my dad—who was a chad, who would tell me how much better he was than me. I'd go to his work, and the girls hitting on him would tell him to my face how subhuman I looked compared to him, so much so to the point that were asking that if we were related. Theyd then give the guy a lap dance jfl and take photos of him to show their friends and did shit like that, even in front of me.

Then I'd go home and deal with a mom who hated her life and blamed me for everything. We could never connect. Every couple of days she'd start a huge fight where she'd scream smash the door while my younger brother and me would hold it fearing for everything to stop her from leaving forever because I didn't want to speak her language. This had been going on since I was 3; she'd stop me from actually developing a proper vocabulary because the English words were too complicated for her, so I had to speak like a fucking fob growing up. I honestly think my IQ was slightly hampered by that. I also had this severely autistic, low-IQ twin brother who would fight me brutally every day. I basically had zero connection with anyone or anything, and everyone looked at me like I was garbage.

I'd be on the TTC and see guys my age hanging out with girls, dressing in normal teenage clothes, and looking good. Meanwhile, I was treated like a subhuman due to how I looked. The shit was so fucking depressing that I straight-up started wearing winter clothing in the summer just so people wouldn't look at my disgusting visage. This particular thing went on from ages 12 to 13. I'd go to camp and get treated like a punching bag, a complete 180 from my earlier years when I was praised by everyone just for how I looked, where I'd get such preferential treatment on anything it was insane. I even remember a kid asking a counselor why I looked like that. That one hurt so bad. The only girl who liked me there after I was 11 was genuinely hard on the spectrum.

Starting this existence so early, while being more observant than most, and being neurodivergent, I didn't know the exact name for it yet, but I was completely aware of the blackpill. Every single day from 11 to 17 was pure fucking hell. I started staying inside all the time; I genuinely never went out. I spent all my time coping. I didn't study for a single hour those years and just barely passed year by year until grade 12.

I don't have to tell you guys what it's like missing out on high school memories. But once I hit 17, I made friends with a good-hearted guy, and with his help, I started doing my hair (which was thinning a bit at that point, but I wasn't fully aware of it). Thanks to puberty and genetics, my bigonial widened out and I got outward gonions, which saved me that year and actually made life bearable. I was able to get a mid-90s average and get into one of the best unis in the country.

But then I started uni and realized how much my hairline had actually thinned out. It was an NW2. Holy fuck, the realization that I was genetically fucked right out of the gate, that no matter all that shit I went through, that I was still hounded by my subhuman genetics, I can't even put everything I felt into words, but I genuinely went crazy. I basically failed that year. I got really sick and went into psychosis for about a month, dropping from 135 lbs (at 5'10") down to 115. I'd spend every day in bed eating only a single small piece of American cheese. I only snapped out of that trance when my younger brother came to check on me at my dorm in the other city. We realized I had like 400 empty water bottles shoved under my bed too jfl which I used to curb my hunger.

My time at uni that year was incredibly depressing. I was so aware of my mortality and my genetics, the feeling that my first real chance at life was being taken away by early hair loss. I was unable to cope and couldn't study, even though I actually mogged the guys on my dorm floor, went on date after date, and got a lot of attention. I had ascended a bit that year and used hair fibers to make my hairline look voluminous. I had this routine to fix that thinning with the aforementioned fibers where I'd stand and do my hair for 8 hours without doing anything else. That's how badly I lost my mind there.

When the year ended, I paused uni and started doing crypto. Thank God it's gone well for me; I've made enough money to afford surgery. I'm going to Turkey in the next two months to finally fix most of my flaws, get my hairline sorted, and hopefully get to a htn FUCKING PLUS. I'm so excited that I can finally feel the joy of youth.

I've been thinking about the fact there was no way I would have been able to fix anything before this, and now I'll be 21.5 at the minimum for when my surgeries will make me look good, and that the earliest I can get back into uni is next year in the middle of the year at minimum. Then I'll be back in uni for another 4 years where I'll then get into med school hopefully. I'm just so fucking depressed about whats next in terms of my lost youth and years of study, and that I haven't been able to live these past 3 years like a human even after all that.

 

[Jgns]

Mirin the fact that you fixed your life up and ur now in a way better position due to that drive bro mirin asf