ElySioNs
Mercenary
- Joined
- Feb 7, 2021
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For the last 7 months I have been in a relationship with a really really hot girl. She was fun to hang out with for a few months and we had some great times together, but she has been emotionally abusing me for the last 2 months. I caught her talking to her abusive ex about 2 months back (he left her with a permanent back injury and she said she hadn't talked to him since they broke up 4 years ago). I tried to break it off with her the second I found out and she said if I left (I was at her place) she would kill herself and it would be my fault. She said she has nobody but me and I left she would kill herself. I told her what's the point? There is no trust in this relationship, and that's what relationships are based off of. She said she didn't care and that she will do anything to not lose me. I foolishly forgave her because I don't want anyone to die on my account (she has tried to kill herself before). She saw my forgiveness as me being a doormat and things have gotten worse since then (truth be told, it did let her know that I was a doormat, and it really affected my self worth - I am still affected by this).
I caught her a few hours ago leaving her house with her laptop, dressed to the nines and get in some dudes car. Obviously she is staying the night and sleeping with this guy. I called her shortly thereafter and she said she was tired and was probably just going to bed. I said ok and hung up.
I know all of the warning signs were there, but I tried to ignore them because she was attractive and I told myself that I couldn't do any better. As a result, I'm in the situation I'm in right now: low self image, down in the dumps, etc. I know I shouldn't be surprised, but it did hurt seeing her get in that guy's car.
She doesn't know it yet because she is having a good time right now and not calling me, but I have taken all of the necessary steps to go with the "indifference" method of breaking up (as per the top comment in the Theo/caught her cheating thread). -I blocked her from sending me text messages, from facebook, and from my email -I changed her contact name in my phone to "DO NOT ANSWER" and I also changed her ringtone to a quiet noise. -I have 2 months left on my lease and I am moving out this week because she is friends with my room mate and his girlfriend who is often here.
I am excited about doing this because I am looking forward to having my life back, getting my confidence back, and getting back into the game to give it another shot with someone else. I'm not going to lie, I'm going to be 28 and this was my first relationship, so this is not easy for me, but I am trying to chalk this up to life experience and move on.
I know it is going to be hard for me to do this, and I am just trying to keep my mind occupied right now, but I think this is the best thing for me. To any Redditors out there going through something similar, please try to stay positive and keep your mind occupied as I have.
As for why I am posting this, it is kind of therapeutic for me, and, well RA, anything that you can tell me, comments, thoughts in general to help me through what I'm sure is going to be a rough few days (hopefully that's all), I'd really appreciate it. Thanks for reading.
Edit: Thanks for all the kind words everyone. This is helping me so much, I really appreciate it. I am heading to bed now but will be back tomorrow morning sometime. Let me know if this is interesting enough to post updates about.
2nd Edit: Last night was tough, like I knew it would be. I ended up staying up til 4 and having a few beers, and I felt surprisingly good. I'm trying to view this as a weight being lifted off my shoulder rather than "losing my love," because really she never cared about me and it's not that tragic. That said, it is still hard for me.
She has already started with the phone calls. I have 5 missed calls and 2 voicemails that I haven't listened to (I don't want to but honestly I will probably end up listening to them). I only imagine the calls are going to get more frequent as the day goes on. If things get outrageous with her trying to contact me, I am considering sending a text that says "take a hint, party girl." And that being my last contact. That will really sting her and let her know that I know, but I am trying to convince myself that she isn't even worth that. Really, I know she isn't worth that, I just have to stick to my guns. Today is going to be difficult, I'll be popping in and out of here all day, but please, continue to respond. It has been so helpful to me. Give me a verbal kick in the ass if what I just wrote sounds like a bad idea. I have to keep my eyes on the prize here. Thanks everyone!!
UPDATE: 3:50PM EST
OK it's getting interesting over here. This is so hard to do and I don't know why! Please continue to leave me encouraging comments, I am reading every single one and each one is giving me more and more encouragement and helping me through this tough time! I can't thank you enough!
I did check the messages. The first one said "I want my boyfriend and I want him now" (trying to be cute). second one a few minutes later said "wake up! I want you to come over and fuck me!" It should be noted that I "ignored" her calls this morning, so she knew I was in reach of the phone but consciously choosing to ignore them, hence the 5 calls.
She called again at around 12:30, I let that ring and go to voicemail. she didn't leave a message. She called again at 2:30. I ignored that call. I checked the voicemail and it said "ok now I'm starting to get worried, please call me, this is not a nice thing to do to me."
I told my parents about this last night as she has their email and home phone and said I don't want them communicating with her. They understood completely. I stopped in a few minutes ago and they said they received a long email from her, but that they didn't read it and deleted it right away. I then showed them how to add her email to the spam filter, so they're all set.
She also called and left a message (I left my parents her # so they know not to pick up) and it was nonchalant about what she should do about a family event that is coming up in a few weeks, asking what she should bring. Obviously this was an attempt at getting some sort of contact with someone in my life, and she is now starting to get the hint. She just sent an email to my second account saying she was worried and that I should call her.
Please give me your comments on this update. Every one has helped me out so far and encouranged me to stay strong. I was driving and my head started racing and I was very close to texting her goodbye, but instead I changed her ID to "CHEATER AND ABUSER" and when she called it really helped me out. Immature, I know, but I need every bit of help I can get right now. Thanks in advance guys, every one of you rocks my socks!
UPDATE 2:45 AM
She called about 4 more times since I last posted. Left 3 messages. First one said "ok I am officially worried. call me. please. love you." Second one "please just let me know you're ok, you don't do this. please." Third one (at about 6pm) "I don't know if you're mad at me because I was short with you last night, I'm sorry. You never do this. Please call me before you go into work tonight and let me know you're ok. I am supposed to go out for a little bit tonight and I'm supposed to be ready in a half hour, but I'm not because I'm calling you. please call me."
I then got 2 more calls around the same time from two numbers I didn't recognize. I didn't answer either. Neither left a message. That was the last contact attempt she made (probably 6:30ish, not really sure). She is probably out partying again tonight. Either way, it's not my business.
I worked tonight and kind of had fits all night of wanting to tell her off so bad. These moments usually take a good half hour or so to pass. I just try to stay occupied and have a good time. I am exhausted, going to bed, will continue to give updates tomorrow sometime.
UPDATE 12:38PM
OK I just had a close call. I am signing up for a craigslist account because I need someone to help me move. Apparently you have to verify your account by phone, so I signed up for them to call me and I got a call a few seconds later from an unknown id. I picked up but didn't say a word. Sure enough it was her. She called back a few seconds later without blocking her id and I didn't pick up.
I caught her a few hours ago leaving her house with her laptop, dressed to the nines and get in some dudes car. Obviously she is staying the night and sleeping with this guy. I called her shortly thereafter and she said she was tired and was probably just going to bed. I said ok and hung up.
I know all of the warning signs were there, but I tried to ignore them because she was attractive and I told myself that I couldn't do any better. As a result, I'm in the situation I'm in right now: low self image, down in the dumps, etc. I know I shouldn't be surprised, but it did hurt seeing her get in that guy's car.
She doesn't know it yet because she is having a good time right now and not calling me, but I have taken all of the necessary steps to go with the "indifference" method of breaking up (as per the top comment in the Theo/caught her cheating thread). -I blocked her from sending me text messages, from facebook, and from my email -I changed her contact name in my phone to "DO NOT ANSWER" and I also changed her ringtone to a quiet noise. -I have 2 months left on my lease and I am moving out this week because she is friends with my room mate and his girlfriend who is often here.
I am excited about doing this because I am looking forward to having my life back, getting my confidence back, and getting back into the game to give it another shot with someone else. I'm not going to lie, I'm going to be 28 and this was my first relationship, so this is not easy for me, but I am trying to chalk this up to life experience and move on.
I know it is going to be hard for me to do this, and I am just trying to keep my mind occupied right now, but I think this is the best thing for me. To any Redditors out there going through something similar, please try to stay positive and keep your mind occupied as I have.
As for why I am posting this, it is kind of therapeutic for me, and, well RA, anything that you can tell me, comments, thoughts in general to help me through what I'm sure is going to be a rough few days (hopefully that's all), I'd really appreciate it. Thanks for reading.
Edit: Thanks for all the kind words everyone. This is helping me so much, I really appreciate it. I am heading to bed now but will be back tomorrow morning sometime. Let me know if this is interesting enough to post updates about.
2nd Edit: Last night was tough, like I knew it would be. I ended up staying up til 4 and having a few beers, and I felt surprisingly good. I'm trying to view this as a weight being lifted off my shoulder rather than "losing my love," because really she never cared about me and it's not that tragic. That said, it is still hard for me.
She has already started with the phone calls. I have 5 missed calls and 2 voicemails that I haven't listened to (I don't want to but honestly I will probably end up listening to them). I only imagine the calls are going to get more frequent as the day goes on. If things get outrageous with her trying to contact me, I am considering sending a text that says "take a hint, party girl." And that being my last contact. That will really sting her and let her know that I know, but I am trying to convince myself that she isn't even worth that. Really, I know she isn't worth that, I just have to stick to my guns. Today is going to be difficult, I'll be popping in and out of here all day, but please, continue to respond. It has been so helpful to me. Give me a verbal kick in the ass if what I just wrote sounds like a bad idea. I have to keep my eyes on the prize here. Thanks everyone!!
UPDATE: 3:50PM EST
OK it's getting interesting over here. This is so hard to do and I don't know why! Please continue to leave me encouraging comments, I am reading every single one and each one is giving me more and more encouragement and helping me through this tough time! I can't thank you enough!
I did check the messages. The first one said "I want my boyfriend and I want him now" (trying to be cute). second one a few minutes later said "wake up! I want you to come over and fuck me!" It should be noted that I "ignored" her calls this morning, so she knew I was in reach of the phone but consciously choosing to ignore them, hence the 5 calls.
She called again at around 12:30, I let that ring and go to voicemail. she didn't leave a message. She called again at 2:30. I ignored that call. I checked the voicemail and it said "ok now I'm starting to get worried, please call me, this is not a nice thing to do to me."
I told my parents about this last night as she has their email and home phone and said I don't want them communicating with her. They understood completely. I stopped in a few minutes ago and they said they received a long email from her, but that they didn't read it and deleted it right away. I then showed them how to add her email to the spam filter, so they're all set.
She also called and left a message (I left my parents her # so they know not to pick up) and it was nonchalant about what she should do about a family event that is coming up in a few weeks, asking what she should bring. Obviously this was an attempt at getting some sort of contact with someone in my life, and she is now starting to get the hint. She just sent an email to my second account saying she was worried and that I should call her.
Please give me your comments on this update. Every one has helped me out so far and encouranged me to stay strong. I was driving and my head started racing and I was very close to texting her goodbye, but instead I changed her ID to "CHEATER AND ABUSER" and when she called it really helped me out. Immature, I know, but I need every bit of help I can get right now. Thanks in advance guys, every one of you rocks my socks!
UPDATE 2:45 AM
She called about 4 more times since I last posted. Left 3 messages. First one said "ok I am officially worried. call me. please. love you." Second one "please just let me know you're ok, you don't do this. please." Third one (at about 6pm) "I don't know if you're mad at me because I was short with you last night, I'm sorry. You never do this. Please call me before you go into work tonight and let me know you're ok. I am supposed to go out for a little bit tonight and I'm supposed to be ready in a half hour, but I'm not because I'm calling you. please call me."
I then got 2 more calls around the same time from two numbers I didn't recognize. I didn't answer either. Neither left a message. That was the last contact attempt she made (probably 6:30ish, not really sure). She is probably out partying again tonight. Either way, it's not my business.
I worked tonight and kind of had fits all night of wanting to tell her off so bad. These moments usually take a good half hour or so to pass. I just try to stay occupied and have a good time. I am exhausted, going to bed, will continue to give updates tomorrow sometime.
UPDATE 12:38PM
OK I just had a close call. I am signing up for a craigslist account because I need someone to help me move. Apparently you have to verify your account by phone, so I signed up for them to call me and I got a call a few seconds later from an unknown id. I picked up but didn't say a word. Sure enough it was her. She called back a few seconds later without blocking her id and I didn't pick up.
