Deleted member 906
Financial expert working at hedge fund
- Joined
- Jan 23, 2019
- Posts
- 1,249
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Earlier today my mom burst into my room demanding to know why there were bottles full of piss all over the floor. I told her it was just expired water, but she didnt believe me. She went on a rant about how its "disgusting", and that I shouldnt be so lazy and just use the toilet. After grilling me for half an hour, she then made me dump them all out.
I'm not really mad that she found them, so much as she seems so upset about it this time. I think she knew about my habit before, as my used bottles would mysteriously vanish every once in a while. Then she took me to the garage and showed me a WHOLE FUCKING CABINET of piss bottles from my room. She gave me "until dad gets home" to dump them all out. Took around 30 minutes to finish the job.
That's not the worst of it. I come back to my room and what do I find? My computer gone, and in its place my dad holding a fucking mcdonalds job application! He then proceeds to spend an hour grilling me on how I "screwed up my education" and how I'm being an "ungrateful leech". I tell him to fuck off with his wagie bullshit, and he threatens to make me start paying rent.
idk what to do.
Then I had a moment of clarity.
I calmly explained that this is all the fault of Monster energy because they now make an energy drink with in a plastic extra wide-mouth bottle. That bottle is basically designed for this. I can't be blamed because I am being exploited by capitalism. Once you're addicted to caffeine, you will have a hard time quitting. Also, once you experience the convenience of slipping your mushroom tip into that Monster wide-mouth bottle, you will make it a habit.
I told my dad that this new plastic bottle design is absolutely revolutionary, nothing else like it in the energy drink industry. Rockstar and Redbull dont have anything like it.
Surely I'm not the only person doing this. Monster has tapped into a huge underground market. I calculated all the money I've spent on these and it was shocking.
"Dad, I won't need a job at McDonalds, I'm going to make bank in the stock market."
They were so shocked by my brilliance that they were speachless!
tldr; MNST 10/16 $90 calls are going to print like JPow after drinking 2 White Claws.
I'm not really mad that she found them, so much as she seems so upset about it this time. I think she knew about my habit before, as my used bottles would mysteriously vanish every once in a while. Then she took me to the garage and showed me a WHOLE FUCKING CABINET of piss bottles from my room. She gave me "until dad gets home" to dump them all out. Took around 30 minutes to finish the job.
That's not the worst of it. I come back to my room and what do I find? My computer gone, and in its place my dad holding a fucking mcdonalds job application! He then proceeds to spend an hour grilling me on how I "screwed up my education" and how I'm being an "ungrateful leech". I tell him to fuck off with his wagie bullshit, and he threatens to make me start paying rent.
idk what to do.
Then I had a moment of clarity.
I calmly explained that this is all the fault of Monster energy because they now make an energy drink with in a plastic extra wide-mouth bottle. That bottle is basically designed for this. I can't be blamed because I am being exploited by capitalism. Once you're addicted to caffeine, you will have a hard time quitting. Also, once you experience the convenience of slipping your mushroom tip into that Monster wide-mouth bottle, you will make it a habit.
I told my dad that this new plastic bottle design is absolutely revolutionary, nothing else like it in the energy drink industry. Rockstar and Redbull dont have anything like it.
Surely I'm not the only person doing this. Monster has tapped into a huge underground market. I calculated all the money I've spent on these and it was shocking.
"Dad, I won't need a job at McDonalds, I'm going to make bank in the stock market."
They were so shocked by my brilliance that they were speachless!
tldr; MNST 10/16 $90 calls are going to print like JPow after drinking 2 White Claws.
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