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Gengar
unattractive
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- Oct 25, 2018
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I don't remember the entire process when I got diagnosed but it was just an interview. The doctor literally urged me to get help. It was that bad. I almost went in therapy for it, but I decided against it. My OCD is more like germophobia, so I just tell people I'm a germophobe. It was really bad at one point. I was not allowed to go into my room until I showered. THREE TIMES in a row. And I had to be covered in foam from the soap. If there was no foam or not enough, then it didn't count. I went through a lot of those shampoo bottles for a few years. I also wore gloves to high school and didn't touch my books or bag bare-handed. I didn't shake people's hands either. I also have intrusive thoughts and images. Sometimes really disturbing images stay in my head and it can't get out. Nowadays I can go outside and go into my room without showering, but if there's been an insect or whatever that landed on my head then I have to wash it. I also wash my hands still often a lot. And yeah, when I leave the house I often double-check or triple-check or more to see if the door's actually closed. While it's not OCD, I used to peel the skin off of my lips. A lot of bloody moments were had. Man, what a mess I was. I still am, but not as bad. I have also gotten into altercations with people and some of those turned into fights. I would just shave off all of my hair with a razor blade just so I could clean all the parts where I was touched. And often I didn't know where I was touched exactly, so I just had to wash the entire area multiple times throughout the weeks before I felt clean again. I also get rid of my clothes often if I deem them to be unclean, for instance when I go to college. Then I can't wear those clothes and sit on my couch. My backpack has to be somewhere that doesn't contaminate other things. I also don't touch myself if I'm outside. Even if I have an itch that needs to be scratched. I even don't fight back if something like that happens, as a form of damage control. I think to myself, well I've already been touched once or twice, if I get touched more I have to clean more places. And of course, all the clothes that I wore that day are also unclean. Same goes for any object I touched prior to washing my hands. It's a very frustrating thing to deal with.