L
landon4236
Iron
- Joined
- Feb 18, 2022
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Let me preface this by saying this is gonna be pretty long. For background, I used to go on 4chan (/fit/) a lot during high school when I was 14/15 and that eventually led to me getting into looksmaxxing and other related topics. I'm 20 now and have since been years removed from a lot of forums and have gone on to be successful in life in many aspects, including relationship wise. I'm white, 6'2, and would consider myself attractive (pic attached is me). I've been reading some threads here and thought I would contribute.
When I was in high school, I was your typical overweight geek. I was around 6' 250lbs of pure lard, did no extracurriculars, no sports, and had been in one relationship my entire life (a long-term relationship lasting from when I was 14 until I was 18, lost virginity at 15). I was depressed and the only reason I was in this relationship was because I didn't think I could do better. She treated me like shit, and I took it because I didn't know my own self-worth. Cut to my junior year of high school. I started hitting the gym seriously. The newbie gains were kicking in and I started to be a lot more self-confident (in my opinion this is the most important looksmax, physical wellness attributes to a lot more than people give it credit for). However, I still stuck with the same girl. After I graduated high school, I went to a community college and got my AA degree with a plan to transfer to a 4-year university after I graduate (great idea for anyone who is poor like I was and wants a cheap and easy degree). Halfway thru my AA degree at the community college, I decided to call it quits with the girl I was still dating because I finally realized I could do a lot better.
Here's where shit gets a little difficult. The fact that I had only one relationship under my belt and I was 18 was very detrimental. Every girl I liked and tried to be with could practically smell the inexperience I had and it was a huge turnoff. I had no idea what to do. I was hopeless and thought I would never be with another girl my entire life. But the important part is that I didn't give up. Every cringe-worthy experience I had with women I took as a learning experience. Every denied kiss, every message left on read, every awkward hug. I took it in stride and just kept trying. I kept putting myself out there. I made tinder profiles, bumble profiles, hinge profiles, you name it. This perseverance led me to understand more and more with each experience. It led to me saying "Ok, here's what I did wrong this time, and this is what I can do differently next time." A big problem I had that could be attributed to only having experience with one long-term relationship was making the mistake thinking that every girl I went on a date with wanted to be in a relationship. I didn't understand the whole 'hookup culture.' This led to me, for lack of a better word, becoming a huge simp and making the mistake of respecting every woman I encountered and putting them on a pedestal. I know that sounds kinda bad, and I don't mean 'making the mistake of respecting every woman' means you should treat every woman like shit. But, some women are perfectly fine with only being used for sex and it's important to make this distinction at your own discretion. You probably shouldn't invest in a relationship with someone who is obviously promiscuous.
Kinda got off on a tangent there, but back to what I was saying about putting women on a pedestal. I made this mistake way too often in the early relationships I had right after I broke up with my one long-term relationship. Below are some blackpills I learned in my experience.
: Women are turned off by men that give them too much attention. Crazy, right? Especially considering how shows like "You", with the guy absolutely obsessed with the woman he's dating, is seen as really cute and something young women want. This is perceived as the guy not having any other options and when he becomes clingy she gets really uncomfortable. Don't fall into this trap.
: It's imperative in relationships that your girl sees you as attractive to other women. The fact that she can see you have prospects makes her all the more attracted to you and more afraid to lose you.
: Women are inherently jealous. Even if they say they aren't the jealous type, they are 99% of the time. In a previous relationship I was in, there was an ongoing joke about me having other girlfriends and I could tell this joke sparked a fire in her that made her want me even more. One time I asked her why she was in a relationship with me (don't do this btw, it shows you're insecure) and she replied "Spite," meaning that she was with me to spite other women she perceived as higher quality/status and a better match for me.
: Know where your priorities lay, and when to ignore her. Being in a relationship with someone in great, but you shouldn't make that person your number one priority in life. I'm a pretty busy person in general and sometimes I can't respond right away to my girlfriend, and that's fine. You shouldn't be scrambling for your phone every time she texts you. Even if you aren't busy, appear busy and ignore her strategically, and this will make you even more attractive to her. Wait a couple hours to send that text. If you go hang out with friends, focus on that and not your significant other.
: Don't get too emotionally invested too quick. This was a big one for me. I'm a sensitive, romantic guy at heart but letting this side show too early in the relationship, or in some cases at all, is another huge turn off. Show affection sparingly and don't bombard her with heart-laden texts and sappy love stuff. Appear stoic, have a good sense of humor (one of my biggest strengths, very important), and wait to send the sappy love shit until after she does, if at all.
: Finally, get involved in a lot of shit. Like I said previously, I never did any extracurriculars or sports in high school and that significantly stunted my social growth. I felt like an alien trying to research how to socially interact with people instead of just going out and doing it and getting the experience. I've since transferred to a big university, and it's fucking great if you let it be. I joined a sports team, do rock climbing with a bunch of friends, and made friends with my roommates, a bunch of people at the gym, and in my classes. All those things opened a huge door for me to meet many people and get a lot more dating experience in the process.
I don't really know how to wrap this up, but I hope some of you read this and gain some insight from it. This will prob be my only post here so I tried to make it a good one.
When I was in high school, I was your typical overweight geek. I was around 6' 250lbs of pure lard, did no extracurriculars, no sports, and had been in one relationship my entire life (a long-term relationship lasting from when I was 14 until I was 18, lost virginity at 15). I was depressed and the only reason I was in this relationship was because I didn't think I could do better. She treated me like shit, and I took it because I didn't know my own self-worth. Cut to my junior year of high school. I started hitting the gym seriously. The newbie gains were kicking in and I started to be a lot more self-confident (in my opinion this is the most important looksmax, physical wellness attributes to a lot more than people give it credit for). However, I still stuck with the same girl. After I graduated high school, I went to a community college and got my AA degree with a plan to transfer to a 4-year university after I graduate (great idea for anyone who is poor like I was and wants a cheap and easy degree). Halfway thru my AA degree at the community college, I decided to call it quits with the girl I was still dating because I finally realized I could do a lot better.
Here's where shit gets a little difficult. The fact that I had only one relationship under my belt and I was 18 was very detrimental. Every girl I liked and tried to be with could practically smell the inexperience I had and it was a huge turnoff. I had no idea what to do. I was hopeless and thought I would never be with another girl my entire life. But the important part is that I didn't give up. Every cringe-worthy experience I had with women I took as a learning experience. Every denied kiss, every message left on read, every awkward hug. I took it in stride and just kept trying. I kept putting myself out there. I made tinder profiles, bumble profiles, hinge profiles, you name it. This perseverance led me to understand more and more with each experience. It led to me saying "Ok, here's what I did wrong this time, and this is what I can do differently next time." A big problem I had that could be attributed to only having experience with one long-term relationship was making the mistake thinking that every girl I went on a date with wanted to be in a relationship. I didn't understand the whole 'hookup culture.' This led to me, for lack of a better word, becoming a huge simp and making the mistake of respecting every woman I encountered and putting them on a pedestal. I know that sounds kinda bad, and I don't mean 'making the mistake of respecting every woman' means you should treat every woman like shit. But, some women are perfectly fine with only being used for sex and it's important to make this distinction at your own discretion. You probably shouldn't invest in a relationship with someone who is obviously promiscuous.
Kinda got off on a tangent there, but back to what I was saying about putting women on a pedestal. I made this mistake way too often in the early relationships I had right after I broke up with my one long-term relationship. Below are some blackpills I learned in my experience.
: Women are turned off by men that give them too much attention. Crazy, right? Especially considering how shows like "You", with the guy absolutely obsessed with the woman he's dating, is seen as really cute and something young women want. This is perceived as the guy not having any other options and when he becomes clingy she gets really uncomfortable. Don't fall into this trap.: It's imperative in relationships that your girl sees you as attractive to other women. The fact that she can see you have prospects makes her all the more attracted to you and more afraid to lose you.: Women are inherently jealous. Even if they say they aren't the jealous type, they are 99% of the time. In a previous relationship I was in, there was an ongoing joke about me having other girlfriends and I could tell this joke sparked a fire in her that made her want me even more. One time I asked her why she was in a relationship with me (don't do this btw, it shows you're insecure) and she replied "Spite," meaning that she was with me to spite other women she perceived as higher quality/status and a better match for me.: Know where your priorities lay, and when to ignore her. Being in a relationship with someone in great, but you shouldn't make that person your number one priority in life. I'm a pretty busy person in general and sometimes I can't respond right away to my girlfriend, and that's fine. You shouldn't be scrambling for your phone every time she texts you. Even if you aren't busy, appear busy and ignore her strategically, and this will make you even more attractive to her. Wait a couple hours to send that text. If you go hang out with friends, focus on that and not your significant other.: Don't get too emotionally invested too quick. This was a big one for me. I'm a sensitive, romantic guy at heart but letting this side show too early in the relationship, or in some cases at all, is another huge turn off. Show affection sparingly and don't bombard her with heart-laden texts and sappy love stuff. Appear stoic, have a good sense of humor (one of my biggest strengths, very important), and wait to send the sappy love shit until after she does, if at all.: Finally, get involved in a lot of shit. Like I said previously, I never did any extracurriculars or sports in high school and that significantly stunted my social growth. I felt like an alien trying to research how to socially interact with people instead of just going out and doing it and getting the experience. I've since transferred to a big university, and it's fucking great if you let it be. I joined a sports team, do rock climbing with a bunch of friends, and made friends with my roommates, a bunch of people at the gym, and in my classes. All those things opened a huge door for me to meet many people and get a lot more dating experience in the process.I don't really know how to wrap this up, but I hope some of you read this and gain some insight from it. This will prob be my only post here so I tried to make it a good one.
