Bewusst
dead inside
- Joined
- Aug 11, 2019
- Posts
- 17,043
- Reputation
- 22,025
My social life ended at 17 yo (22, almost 23 now).
First I lost my only girlfriend (or broke up with her cuz she made out with someone else), then realized I had lost a ton of friends and people I used to hang out with due to wasting my time with just her and neglecting everything/everyone else in my life. The very same year, my best friend also broke with me. Another friend I had known for nine years betrayed me (spent my money and ghosted me then). I lost everybody except from parents and half siblings over the course of half a year.
My only cope was the gym, lifting weights and getting fat. I wasted my time chasing PRs, doing powerlifting and eating 5000 kcal a day. It took me getting very sick (almost dead) and blackpilled to hell when I stopped and realized I was just coping and destroying myself. Suffered many health problems, severe depression and social anxiety. Been houseless and unemployed for years, living under shitty conditions.
Never made any new real friends (let alone female contacts) since, at best met ppl who only used me to their own benefit without actually caring about me and who would turn against or ghost me eventually.
I spent my last five birthdays rotting alone with nobody congratulating me except my parents. No facebook messages for years, not even using it anymore.
My best efforts to escape social or sexual isolation have failed with no exception so I gave up on trying a very long time ago and learned to accept it. I got used to it. This is my life now, rotting away my supposedly "best years". I got numb inside, no sadness, frustration or anger anymore, these emotions just burned off over time. So here I am, writing this because I have nothing better to do.
The end
First I lost my only girlfriend (or broke up with her cuz she made out with someone else), then realized I had lost a ton of friends and people I used to hang out with due to wasting my time with just her and neglecting everything/everyone else in my life. The very same year, my best friend also broke with me. Another friend I had known for nine years betrayed me (spent my money and ghosted me then). I lost everybody except from parents and half siblings over the course of half a year.
My only cope was the gym, lifting weights and getting fat. I wasted my time chasing PRs, doing powerlifting and eating 5000 kcal a day. It took me getting very sick (almost dead) and blackpilled to hell when I stopped and realized I was just coping and destroying myself. Suffered many health problems, severe depression and social anxiety. Been houseless and unemployed for years, living under shitty conditions.
Never made any new real friends (let alone female contacts) since, at best met ppl who only used me to their own benefit without actually caring about me and who would turn against or ghost me eventually.
I spent my last five birthdays rotting alone with nobody congratulating me except my parents. No facebook messages for years, not even using it anymore.
My best efforts to escape social or sexual isolation have failed with no exception so I gave up on trying a very long time ago and learned to accept it. I got used to it. This is my life now, rotting away my supposedly "best years". I got numb inside, no sadness, frustration or anger anymore, these emotions just burned off over time. So here I am, writing this because I have nothing better to do.
The end
