heightmaxxing
I want a perfect body I want a perfect soul
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- Sep 24, 2023
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I have 50/50 custody with my ex husband of our two children (15M, 12F). Our marriage ended 4 years ago due to his infidelity, but he wasn't able to take responsibility for his actions and instead fell hard into misogynistic ways of thinking: claiming I cheated on him first and insisting on a paternity test to make sure the kids were his, saying he only cheated because I was "used up" from my sexual history prior to him, saying I "let myself go", calling himself a "high value male" and saying he needs a wife who will be at his beck and call, stuff like that. You've heard about those podcasts, it's that stuff.
He apparently makes comments like this regularly to our kids, and our daughter is beyond pissed off at it. He originally tried to push his views on her, and wasn't listening to me when I told him he needed to stop, but thankfully she's an assertive kid and she shut him down. Unfortunately our son is more impressionable and has been slowly starting to take on these views. He has gotten in trouble multiple times in school for making misogynistic and inappropriate comments towards girls and female teachers. I have had to ban him from online gaming because of the disgusting things he's said about and to women. He considers himself an incel, with every messed up viewpoint that goes with that, and simply does not respect me or his sister at all because we're female.
Our custody arrangement was originally by our own arrangement, but I got the court involved to try and get a judge to order him to stop making these comments in front of our kids. I was unsuccessful, because the court ruled his comments were not harmful, and 50/50 custody was upheld despite his behavior and our daughter's reluctance to continue living with him. I need ways to de-incel my son and help him block out his father's messaging. At the moment he simply doesn't listen to any kind of reasoning I give him about why his views are wrong. I have tried to get him to attend therapy but he refuses to go, and my ex has told him he doesn't have to go. It seems like any pushback he gets on his views from me, his sister, classmates, or teachers just reinforces his ideologies and pushes him more towards his father. But I can't just ignore this and hope he sees reason. So, if anyone knows how to disentangle a teenage boy from incel ideologies, I'd be really grateful to know of the useful strategies.
Tl;dr: my son is developing incel viewpoints from his father, who I have 50/50 custody with. The court hasn't intervened and he's outright refusing to attend therapy. I need ways to help him move past these ideologies, without pushing him further away from me and towards his father.
He apparently makes comments like this regularly to our kids, and our daughter is beyond pissed off at it. He originally tried to push his views on her, and wasn't listening to me when I told him he needed to stop, but thankfully she's an assertive kid and she shut him down. Unfortunately our son is more impressionable and has been slowly starting to take on these views. He has gotten in trouble multiple times in school for making misogynistic and inappropriate comments towards girls and female teachers. I have had to ban him from online gaming because of the disgusting things he's said about and to women. He considers himself an incel, with every messed up viewpoint that goes with that, and simply does not respect me or his sister at all because we're female.
Our custody arrangement was originally by our own arrangement, but I got the court involved to try and get a judge to order him to stop making these comments in front of our kids. I was unsuccessful, because the court ruled his comments were not harmful, and 50/50 custody was upheld despite his behavior and our daughter's reluctance to continue living with him. I need ways to de-incel my son and help him block out his father's messaging. At the moment he simply doesn't listen to any kind of reasoning I give him about why his views are wrong. I have tried to get him to attend therapy but he refuses to go, and my ex has told him he doesn't have to go. It seems like any pushback he gets on his views from me, his sister, classmates, or teachers just reinforces his ideologies and pushes him more towards his father. But I can't just ignore this and hope he sees reason. So, if anyone knows how to disentangle a teenage boy from incel ideologies, I'd be really grateful to know of the useful strategies.
Tl;dr: my son is developing incel viewpoints from his father, who I have 50/50 custody with. The court hasn't intervened and he's outright refusing to attend therapy. I need ways to help him move past these ideologies, without pushing him further away from me and towards his father.
