returnofthecutecel
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- Joined
- Feb 1, 2025
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I’m 23. From Spain.
And I’ve spent most of my life feeling like I don’t belong in this world. Listen to this original song of me while reading this thread:
When I was 12, the bullying started. People made fun of my hair, my looks, my name. They called me things like “Apu” and “Helmet”. I got slapped on the back of the head in school and nobody cared. A girl once drew on my photo in front of the class, just to humiliate me. I was that kid everyone chose to ignore or laugh at.
Since then, I’ve lived with a deep belief that I’m different. Not special — just alien. I switched schools at 13 and developed full-blown social anxiety. I could barely function around people. I felt like a ghost in every room.
While others were dating, going to parties, living “normal” teenage lives, I was locked in my room playing Call of Duty, watching YouTube and hiding. I only felt safe behind a screen. My only “relationship” was chatting with a girl when I was 11 on Messenger. That’s how far it went.
I did well academically. I always pushed myself because I thought good grades might save me. But the pressure, the loneliness and the depression crushed me. I dropped out of university twice. I isolated myself even more.
I spent years on dating apps like Badoo, chasing validation, hoping someone would notice me. Nothing ever worked. It just made the hole inside deeper.
I’m not ugly. I’ve posted some of my pics here — I’m fit, clean-looking, not a mutant. But no one really saw me. And when they did, I felt like I was just a body, not a person.
I tried again. I studied biotechnology. But every year has been hell. I have almost no friends, I never had a girlfriend, and I’m still a virgin at 23.
The pressure of group projects, public speaking, dealing with people... it kills me. I avoid everything. I survive. I don’t live.
My father has cancer now. I’ve been aggressive with my family. I’ve lost control more than once. And I hate myself for that.
I don’t know who I am anymore. Just this mix of self-hate, regret, pain, and a tiny spark that keeps me writing this post.
I feel like I missed the most important years of my life. The connection, the youth, the love, the memories.
Everyone’s out there living their lives. And I’m here trying to figure out if I even want mine.
I built this body hoping it would fix something.
But nothing on the outside ever fixes what’s broken inside.
If you read this and relate to any part of it, I see you.
And if you don’t… then maybe I never r
eally existed in the first place.
And I’ve spent most of my life feeling like I don’t belong in this world. Listen to this original song of me while reading this thread:
When I was 12, the bullying started. People made fun of my hair, my looks, my name. They called me things like “Apu” and “Helmet”. I got slapped on the back of the head in school and nobody cared. A girl once drew on my photo in front of the class, just to humiliate me. I was that kid everyone chose to ignore or laugh at.
Since then, I’ve lived with a deep belief that I’m different. Not special — just alien. I switched schools at 13 and developed full-blown social anxiety. I could barely function around people. I felt like a ghost in every room.
While others were dating, going to parties, living “normal” teenage lives, I was locked in my room playing Call of Duty, watching YouTube and hiding. I only felt safe behind a screen. My only “relationship” was chatting with a girl when I was 11 on Messenger. That’s how far it went.
I did well academically. I always pushed myself because I thought good grades might save me. But the pressure, the loneliness and the depression crushed me. I dropped out of university twice. I isolated myself even more.
I spent years on dating apps like Badoo, chasing validation, hoping someone would notice me. Nothing ever worked. It just made the hole inside deeper.
I’m not ugly. I’ve posted some of my pics here — I’m fit, clean-looking, not a mutant. But no one really saw me. And when they did, I felt like I was just a body, not a person.
I tried again. I studied biotechnology. But every year has been hell. I have almost no friends, I never had a girlfriend, and I’m still a virgin at 23.
The pressure of group projects, public speaking, dealing with people... it kills me. I avoid everything. I survive. I don’t live.
My father has cancer now. I’ve been aggressive with my family. I’ve lost control more than once. And I hate myself for that.
I don’t know who I am anymore. Just this mix of self-hate, regret, pain, and a tiny spark that keeps me writing this post.
I feel like I missed the most important years of my life. The connection, the youth, the love, the memories.
Everyone’s out there living their lives. And I’m here trying to figure out if I even want mine.
I built this body hoping it would fix something.
But nothing on the outside ever fixes what’s broken inside.
If you read this and relate to any part of it, I see you.
And if you don’t… then maybe I never r
eally existed in the first place.
