My terrible dad

[adrian_]

One day when we got a PS5, my dad was setting it up with his account since we didn’t have accounts yet. After the setup was complete, I could see messages from other women (old ones) dating back to 2018—about 10 in total. They were just things like “Hey” and invitations to “18+” games. I understood what was going on, but I acted like I didn’t. My brother was also in the room when this happened. It was sometime in 2021 or 2022—I forget the exact year.As I grew up, I started to notice things. My dad only really watches TV or sits in the restroom for hours. He goes to work at 9 a.m. and sometimes doesn’t get home until 8 p.m., but we have Life360 and he’s always at work—I'm pretty sure he's a workaholic.On a normal day, he gets home around 7 p.m., then goes straight to watching TV or spending 1–2 hours (sometimes even 3–4) in the restroom. After that, it’s back to TV time. He eats a ton of junk food when he gets home and usually makes himself quesadillas for dinner. When it’s bedtime, he stays up watching TV until 12 or 1 a.m. Sometimes, he even falls asleep in the TV room.One time, he felt really sick around 10:30 p.m., and my mom told him to go rest. He just grabbed a pillow and blanket and laid on the couch, but I could see he was really struggling. His body clearly needed rest, but he seemed addicted to dopamine or stimulation—like he couldn’t stop.My mom, on the other hand, is everything to me. She sets the best example, raised me with strong morals, cooks amazing food, and drives us to sports, school—everything. She raised me to be a good person. I can’t find the right words to describe how much she means to me.Sometimes, my mom asks my dad to take me, my brother, or sister somewhere—especially when she’s been driving all day or is busy. But he always says things like, “I just got home” or “Why didn’t you tell me earlier?” Even taking out the trash is a struggle for him.For my 15th birthday, we were planning a trip to New York. The trip was canceled because of poor planning—mainly because my dad never did anything to help. He didn’t even think once, “Maybe I should look into this for my son.”My sister was supposed to get a debit card months ago. I’m not exaggerating—she’s asked my dad over 10 different times on different days to order it, and he still hasn’t done it.What hurts me the most is how my mom has to remind him to call his own mom, siblings, or relatives to wish them a happy birthday. My whole family—my mom, sister, brother—we all know how he is, but I feel like I carry it more heavily. I see it all more clearly.Earlier, I mentioned how long my dad spends in the bathroom. I got curious, so I checked his iPad’s screen time. I saw he spent around 2 hours on “X” (formerly Twitter). I opened the app—and it was just porn. The more I scrolled, the more porn I saw. It was like if Instagram Reels were filled with 8 out of 10 posts being straight-up pornography.Who should I tell?And just to show how little he helps—even with the most basic things—there was one time my mom and I were outside transplanting some plants in the backyard. We were digging, lifting, and doing everything ourselves while my dad did absolutely nothing to help. He just stood there and later had the audacity to comment that the tree we planted looked a little tilted. Imagine that—he watched his wife do yard work and instead of offering to help, all he did was criticize.If you put it all together, my dad is a selfish man. He never thinks about others. He doesn’t care about relationships or being a good father. Every Father’s Day makes me feel uncomfortable. This year, we still gave him a gift. But on Mother’s Day—and even for my mom’s birthday—he gave her nothing. He never thought, “I should get my wife something.” That really pissed me off. It was the moment I fully realized how bad of a person he is.When I have to write him a Father’s Day card or give him a hug, I never do it with intention. I just go through the motions. I really hope one day he realizes he messed up being a dad.

 

[Quncho]

One day when we got a PS5, my dad was setting it up with his account since we didn’t have accounts yet. After the setup was complete, I could see messages from other women (old ones) dating back to 2018—about 10 in total. They were just things like “Hey” and invitations to “18+” games. I understood what was going on, but I acted like I didn’t. My brother was also in the room when this happened. It was sometime in 2021 or 2022—I forget the exact year.As I grew up, I started to notice things. My dad only really watches TV or sits in the restroom for hours. He goes to work at 9 a.m. and sometimes doesn’t get home until 8 p.m., but we have Life360 and he’s always at work—I'm pretty sure he's a workaholic.On a normal day, he gets home around 7 p.m., then goes straight to watching TV or spending 1–2 hours (sometimes even 3–4) in the restroom. After that, it’s back to TV time. He eats a ton of junk food when he gets home and usually makes himself quesadillas for dinner. When it’s bedtime, he stays up watching TV until 12 or 1 a.m. Sometimes, he even falls asleep in the TV room.One time, he felt really sick around 10:30 p.m., and my mom told him to go rest. He just grabbed a pillow and blanket and laid on the couch, but I could see he was really struggling. His body clearly needed rest, but he seemed addicted to dopamine or stimulation—like he couldn’t stop.My mom, on the other hand, is everything to me. She sets the best example, raised me with strong morals, cooks amazing food, and drives us to sports, school—everything. She raised me to be a good person. I can’t find the right words to describe how much she means to me.Sometimes, my mom asks my dad to take me, my brother, or sister somewhere—especially when she’s been driving all day or is busy. But he always says things like, “I just got home” or “Why didn’t you tell me earlier?” Even taking out the trash is a struggle for him.For my 15th birthday, we were planning a trip to New York. The trip was canceled because of poor planning—mainly because my dad never did anything to help. He didn’t even think once, “Maybe I should look into this for my son.”My sister was supposed to get a debit card months ago. I’m not exaggerating—she’s asked my dad over 10 different times on different days to order it, and he still hasn’t done it.What hurts me the most is how my mom has to remind him to call his own mom, siblings, or relatives to wish them a happy birthday. My whole family—my mom, sister, brother—we all know how he is, but I feel like I carry it more heavily. I see it all more clearly.Earlier, I mentioned how long my dad spends in the bathroom. I got curious, so I checked his iPad’s screen time. I saw he spent around 2 hours on “X” (formerly Twitter). I opened the app—and it was just porn. The more I scrolled, the more porn I saw. It was like if Instagram Reels were filled with 8 out of 10 posts being straight-up pornography.Who should I tell?And just to show how little he helps—even with the most basic things—there was one time my mom and I were outside transplanting some plants in the backyard. We were digging, lifting, and doing everything ourselves while my dad did absolutely nothing to help. He just stood there and later had the audacity to comment that the tree we planted looked a little tilted. Imagine that—he watched his wife do yard work and instead of offering to help, all he did was criticize.If you put it all together, my dad is a selfish man. He never thinks about others. He doesn’t care about relationships or being a good father. Every Father’s Day makes me feel uncomfortable. This year, we still gave him a gift. But on Mother’s Day—and even for my mom’s birthday—he gave her nothing. He never thought, “I should get my wife something.” That really pissed me off. It was the moment I fully realized how bad of a person he is.When I have to write him a Father’s Day card or give him a hug, I never do it with intention. I just go through the motions. I really hope one day he realizes he messed up being a dad.

Don't sit there and let him stay a bad dad. Confront him. Silence is the thief of relationships and prevents change. We don't know what truly goes on in people's heads. Talk to him about it.

 

[WaterGod]

over for him he's too old to make reasonable change jst let him

 

[superpsycho]

tldr

 

[adrian_]

Don't sit there and let him stay a bad dad. Confront him. Silence is the thief of relationships and prevents change. We don't know what truly goes on in people's heads. Talk to him about it.

Thank you. I’m going to try to confront him. My sister has already tried—she’s told him that all he does is come home from work, watch TV, and ignore us. He never talks to us or takes us anywhere.

My mom knows this, but she just tells my sister to be grateful and reminds her that thanks to our dad, she was born. We’re Catholic, so divorce isn’t really something we believe in—when you marry someone, it’s supposed to be forever. Of course, there are serious situations where divorce might be necessary, but I don’t think my mom wants that. We’re pretty religious and go to church once or twice a week.

Another issue is that my dad has a work visa, so if he quits his job, he could lose his legal status here. The same goes for my mom, but her situation has even more restrictions.

I’m 15 and my sister is 16. Thankfully, we were both born in the U.S., so we’re citizens. That means we have the ability to help make a family member a legal resident, although it can take years.

 

[adrian_]

over for him he's too old to make reasonable change jst let him

he’s 50 theres 60 year olds and 86 year olds like my grandpa working out almost everyday

 

[adrian_]

Don't sit there and let him stay a bad dad. Confront him. Silence is the thief of relationships and prevents change. We don't know what truly goes on in people's heads. Talk to him about it.

who should i tell my brother (13), sister (16), mom that my dad is watching porn?

 

[WaterGod]

he’s 50 theres 60 year olds and 86 year olds like my grandpa working out almost everyday

Make amends forgive him let him LDAR

 

[They_are_all_whores]

Don't sit there and let him stay a bad dad. Confront him. Silence is the thief of relationships and prevents change. We don't know what truly goes on in people's heads. Talk to him about it.

Yo can u give me advice on my last thread I am in a similar situation

 

[Quncho]

who should i tell my brother (13), sister (16), mom that my dad is watching porn?

telling little bro is dangerous, telling mom is dangerous, both can result in an escalation. It all depends on how well you know your parents. But it will likely result in an escalation. Older sister imo.

 

[They_are_all_whores]

telling little bro is dangerous, telling mom is dangerous, both can result in an escalation. It all depends on how well you know your parents. But it will likely result in an escalation. Older sister imo.

Smart man older sister is the non snitch