falcon1
Stay positive no matter how negative life is
- Joined
- Jun 1, 2023
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This is going to be my most emotional post in my 3 years on this site. After searching for others who relate to my childhood abuse.
I was inspired by @Kenickie to make this post on his follow-up thread that I agree with so much https://looksmax.org/threads/there-is-nothing-worse-than-living-with-a-narcissistic-parent.282972/
Here is a short snippet of my life:
He made my life beyond hell. For 18 long years, I endured mental, physical, and emotional abuse at his hands. As a child, I didn’t understand why my world was filled with pain and fear instead of love and safety. The constant manipulation and cruelty from a narcissistic abuser stole my childhood and shaped my every waking moment.
The mental abuse was relentless. He twisted words and reality until I couldn’t trust my own thoughts. Gaslighting was a daily occurrence; he made me doubt my memories, my feelings, and my worth. Any semblance of self-confidence was systematically dismantled, replaced with a deep-seated fear and insecurity. I was made to feel worthless, incapable of anything good, and perpetually at fault.
Physical abuse left scars that went beyond the visible. The pain and injuries were reminders of my powerlessness and his control. The unpredictability of his rage kept me in a state of constant alertness, never knowing when the next blow would come. The physical pain was brutal, but it was often overshadowed by the emotional torment.
Public humiliation was another tool in his arsenal of abuse. He would degrade and embarrass me in front of others, stripping away any remaining shred of dignity I had. This public shaming made me feel exposed and powerless, reinforcing the belief that I was undeserving of respect or kindness.
Emotionally, he wreaked havoc on my heart and mind. He would manipulate my emotions, creating a toxic mix of dependence and fear. One moment, he would feign kindness, giving me a glimpse of the fatherly love I craved, only to snatch it away with cruelty and contempt the next. This emotional rollercoaster left me confused, isolated, and deeply mistrustful of others.
Living under such circumstances felt like an endless nightmare. Every day was a struggle to survive, to find some semblance of normalcy in a world turned upside down by his abuse. The psychological wounds he inflicted have been the hardest to heal. They influenced how I saw myself, how I interacted with others, and how I navigated the world. Even now, the echoes of his abuse linger, a reminder of the years lost to his cruelty. He robbed me of my life, taking away the childhood and adolescence that should have been filled with growth and joy.
Since I searched far and wide for users with narcissistic parents, I could write a trilogy on my experience. Despite everything, I am still here. Surviving such profound abuse has made me resilient, though the journey to healing is ongoing. I've learned to seek help, to find strength in the support of others, and to reclaim the parts of myself he tried to destroy. It's a long and difficult path, but each step brings me closer to peace and self-acceptance.
Talking about my experience is a significant part of the healing process. It's a way to confront the past, acknowledge the pain, and begin to let go of the power it holds over me. I don’t like to open up, but I recognize the importance of sharing my story. It’s not just a testament to my suffering but also to my strength and resilience. It’s a declaration that, despite the darkness of my past, I am moving forward toward a brighter future.
If you ever feel ready, sharing your story can be a powerful way to connect with others who have experienced similar pain and to start the process of healing. Remember, there is help available, and you deserve to find peace and happiness.
I was inspired by @Kenickie to make this post on his follow-up thread that I agree with so much https://looksmax.org/threads/there-is-nothing-worse-than-living-with-a-narcissistic-parent.282972/
Here is a short snippet of my life:
He made my life beyond hell. For 18 long years, I endured mental, physical, and emotional abuse at his hands. As a child, I didn’t understand why my world was filled with pain and fear instead of love and safety. The constant manipulation and cruelty from a narcissistic abuser stole my childhood and shaped my every waking moment.
The mental abuse was relentless. He twisted words and reality until I couldn’t trust my own thoughts. Gaslighting was a daily occurrence; he made me doubt my memories, my feelings, and my worth. Any semblance of self-confidence was systematically dismantled, replaced with a deep-seated fear and insecurity. I was made to feel worthless, incapable of anything good, and perpetually at fault.
Physical abuse left scars that went beyond the visible. The pain and injuries were reminders of my powerlessness and his control. The unpredictability of his rage kept me in a state of constant alertness, never knowing when the next blow would come. The physical pain was brutal, but it was often overshadowed by the emotional torment.
Public humiliation was another tool in his arsenal of abuse. He would degrade and embarrass me in front of others, stripping away any remaining shred of dignity I had. This public shaming made me feel exposed and powerless, reinforcing the belief that I was undeserving of respect or kindness.
Emotionally, he wreaked havoc on my heart and mind. He would manipulate my emotions, creating a toxic mix of dependence and fear. One moment, he would feign kindness, giving me a glimpse of the fatherly love I craved, only to snatch it away with cruelty and contempt the next. This emotional rollercoaster left me confused, isolated, and deeply mistrustful of others.
Living under such circumstances felt like an endless nightmare. Every day was a struggle to survive, to find some semblance of normalcy in a world turned upside down by his abuse. The psychological wounds he inflicted have been the hardest to heal. They influenced how I saw myself, how I interacted with others, and how I navigated the world. Even now, the echoes of his abuse linger, a reminder of the years lost to his cruelty. He robbed me of my life, taking away the childhood and adolescence that should have been filled with growth and joy.
Since I searched far and wide for users with narcissistic parents, I could write a trilogy on my experience. Despite everything, I am still here. Surviving such profound abuse has made me resilient, though the journey to healing is ongoing. I've learned to seek help, to find strength in the support of others, and to reclaim the parts of myself he tried to destroy. It's a long and difficult path, but each step brings me closer to peace and self-acceptance.
Talking about my experience is a significant part of the healing process. It's a way to confront the past, acknowledge the pain, and begin to let go of the power it holds over me. I don’t like to open up, but I recognize the importance of sharing my story. It’s not just a testament to my suffering but also to my strength and resilience. It’s a declaration that, despite the darkness of my past, I am moving forward toward a brighter future.
If you ever feel ready, sharing your story can be a powerful way to connect with others who have experienced similar pain and to start the process of healing. Remember, there is help available, and you deserve to find peace and happiness.
@5.5psl @TsarTsar444 @_MVP_ @Vermilioncore @try2beme @ShowerMaxxing @FaceandBBC @Sprinkles @Sushifart @gigell @0S4MA @WeiWei @MoggerGaston @Alt Number 3
