Rochefort6
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- Nov 5, 2019
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Day 3, what a rollercoaster it's been.
I woke up with a very foggy mind and was very VERY irritable lol, I have no clue where it came from except maybe I haven't been eating enough
Like I was trying to shave before my morning shower and everything was dropping in the sink and I WAS SO FUCKING MAD 
FUCKINGSHIT FICK IERRAZOR FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT, I was fuming with very little patience 
unlike me normally...This mood lessend after my shower, my meditations and after I ate, so I assume it was the lack of food...
As I don't know if this counts as a porn relapse--probably not--but I was wasting time lurking on this forum during the day and read this trash thread https://looksmax.org/threads/the-power-of-a-big-dick.129760/page-2 and got very aroused by the texts messages tbh. Right after getting aroused I felt very similiar to how I felt after I relapsed, tired, antisocial, low T, and again very irritable; don't feel relapse-y now though. TO PREVENT RELAPSES NO MORE LURKING ON THIS FORUM DURING THE DAY.
So during the day i had some VERY LOW INHIB moments with very minimal/no anxiety. Example, I was ordering a milkshake from Burger King (don't judge) while eating my own clean homemade food, as I was on the way to do some work and didn;t have time to get any other drink and was thirsty asf. So as I ordered I asked the cute cashier "if she wanted my chicken, its better than the shit you got here", and when I ordered the milkshake I said "get me a milkshake, and you better make it tasty", and just trolling in between with my gf. Other moments included stealing groceries, pretending to crash our car and steal someone's puppy. Fun times.
Anyway, my energy levels are nowhere near ideal yet. My physical anixiety has evidently significantly reduced, even though mentally I can still feel anxious at times.
My sex drive increases as numerous times I wanted to rail my gf and slapped her ass once and felt tempted to keep doing it. The sexual/porn fantasies have definiatley increased since yesterday and I have to defuse them with deep breaths, even though it's so tempting to just run with them and fantasies how I'm going to fuck other girls. Compulsive sex is v bad and I need to ingrain this in my thoughts
As I promised myself, in the upcoming days I will stay progressive longer in the cold showers to minimize the feelings of tolerance to the cold water. Today I stayed for an extra minute and it SIGNIFICANTLY altered the state I was in afterward. I was shivering and sneezing afterward in a more extreme way than yesterday, and felt more energized and focused as a result. That 1 minute really made a difference. I'll keep it with this timing for a while until I feel tolerant of the effects of the cold water again ie until it is very easy to relax in the water and until I derive little energy afterward.
I didn't bring my phone into the bathroom before my shower today, which is how I will aim to start my mornings from now on, but this only reduced procrastination time by like 5 mins
For some reason, I really like to distract myself before getting in. I won't turn on the water until I get in the shower from now on, so as not to waste water on procrastination.
I fucked up with the timing of the meditation today. 15 mins in the morning and 15 at 22:10, neither of which at any point felt torturous like in the first two days.
The morning meditation was a real gamer changer. Felt calm and content for a while afterward and also kickstarted my routine in a productive--rather than the typical destructive--manner. The night time mediation was due to a lack of planning and a busy day. Luckily, I didn't feel like dozing off during, but my willpower during was fa less in comparison to in the morning, and the afterglow feeling isn't as enhanced as during the day.
The lesson here is that I need to schedule my sessions better. Instead of the 15 min-15min meditations, I did today, tomorrow I'll do 20mins in the morning and I'll set an alarm at 14:00 for a 10 min session to lessen the resistance felt around afternoon mediations.
TLDR:
I woke up with a very foggy mind and was very VERY irritable lol, I have no clue where it came from except maybe I haven't been eating enough
Like I was trying to shave before my morning shower and everything was dropping in the sink and I WAS SO FUCKING MAD FUCKINGSHIT FICK IERRAZOR FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT, I was fuming with very little patience unlike me normally...This mood lessend after my shower, my meditations and after I ate, so I assume it was the lack of food...As I don't know if this counts as a porn relapse--probably not--but I was wasting time lurking on this forum during the day and read this trash thread https://looksmax.org/threads/the-power-of-a-big-dick.129760/page-2 and got very aroused by the texts messages tbh. Right after getting aroused I felt very similiar to how I felt after I relapsed, tired, antisocial, low T, and again very irritable; don't feel relapse-y now though. TO PREVENT RELAPSES NO MORE LURKING ON THIS FORUM DURING THE DAY.
So during the day i had some VERY LOW INHIB moments with very minimal/no anxiety. Example, I was ordering a milkshake from Burger King (don't judge) while eating my own clean homemade food, as I was on the way to do some work and didn;t have time to get any other drink and was thirsty asf. So as I ordered I asked the cute cashier "if she wanted my chicken, its better than the shit you got here", and when I ordered the milkshake I said "get me a milkshake, and you better make it tasty", and just trolling in between with my gf. Other moments included stealing groceries, pretending to crash our car and steal someone's puppy. Fun times.
Anyway, my energy levels are nowhere near ideal yet. My physical anixiety has evidently significantly reduced, even though mentally I can still feel anxious at times.
My sex drive increases as numerous times I wanted to rail my gf and slapped her ass once and felt tempted to keep doing it. The sexual/porn fantasies have definiatley increased since yesterday and I have to defuse them with deep breaths, even though it's so tempting to just run with them and fantasies how I'm going to fuck other girls. Compulsive sex is v bad and I need to ingrain this in my thoughts
As I promised myself, in the upcoming days I will stay progressive longer in the cold showers to minimize the feelings of tolerance to the cold water. Today I stayed for an extra minute and it SIGNIFICANTLY altered the state I was in afterward. I was shivering and sneezing afterward in a more extreme way than yesterday, and felt more energized and focused as a result. That 1 minute really made a difference. I'll keep it with this timing for a while until I feel tolerant of the effects of the cold water again ie until it is very easy to relax in the water and until I derive little energy afterward.
I didn't bring my phone into the bathroom before my shower today, which is how I will aim to start my mornings from now on, but this only reduced procrastination time by like 5 mins
For some reason, I really like to distract myself before getting in. I won't turn on the water until I get in the shower from now on, so as not to waste water on procrastination.I fucked up with the timing of the meditation today. 15 mins in the morning and 15 at 22:10, neither of which at any point felt torturous like in the first two days.
The morning meditation was a real gamer changer. Felt calm and content for a while afterward and also kickstarted my routine in a productive--rather than the typical destructive--manner. The night time mediation was due to a lack of planning and a busy day. Luckily, I didn't feel like dozing off during, but my willpower during was fa less in comparison to in the morning, and the afterglow feeling isn't as enhanced as during the day.
The lesson here is that I need to schedule my sessions better. Instead of the 15 min-15min meditations, I did today, tomorrow I'll do 20mins in the morning and I'll set an alarm at 14:00 for a 10 min session to lessen the resistance felt around afternoon mediations.
TLDR:
- I woke up with a foggy mind and was ANGRY ASF today, probably because I haven't been eating enough. Think I might have relapsed porn wise by reading some flirtatious texts on a thread on here was much more low inhib today and experienced minimal/no physical anxiety like in the last 2 days. Energy levels still as trashy as yesterday, maybe a slight improvement especially in the morning after shower. Fantasies have become harder to resist and occurred more often. Felt way more aroused by gf. TO PREVENT RELAPSES NO MORE LURKING ON THIS FORUM DURING THE DAY.
- Cold shower produced far more significant effects just after staying only 1 minute extra. I will continue with this timing until I feel tolerance to the water. I will only turn on the shower when I get in it so as not to waste water on procrastination lol
- Fucked up by meditating 15 mins at 22:10 today, even though at no point did it feel torturous today or like I was dozing off. Meditated in moring for 15 mins as well and was a GAME CHANGER. Day time meditation is a must and I will meditate 20 mins in the morning and 10 at 14:00 from now on.
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