fr0st
the flower at the bottom of everyones heel
- Joined
- Dec 31, 2024
- Posts
- 10,343
- Reputation
- 19,593
why me? why do i not get to be happy huh i have to work at fucking dominoes but since im so autistic i over stimulate every single time i clock in. it got so bad today that i threw up in the bathroom and cried during every deliver. my mind feels like jelly the whole time i felt like i was about to die i couldn't breath. every time i get an order im too stupid to find their house so i have to run around trying to find them. i take so long during deliveries its not fair why does everybody else get to be normal but i have to be an idiot? everything i do is wrong everybody at work has to explain things 10 times before i can get it then i forget it an hour later and i have to have them explain it again. do you know how embarrassing that is? how it feels to be the stupid socially retarded dumbass at work that everybody makes fun of? what did i do to deserve this every day i wake up i immediately feel like shit i just want to kill myself but even i cant do that right. the one time i almost did it i was caught in the middle of trying. i have no friends no girlfriend no parents im just alone. my uncle took away all my shit until i got a job because he thinks im a fuck up (which i am) but dude you got me a job working at a fast paced restaurant? but he doesnt care he doesnt even believe in autism he thinks its my "diet" he thinks im just a manipulative sociopathic evil guy who is trying to cajole my grandma out of being able to stay at her house. you know what? i work really hard i really really do i try my absolute best at everything but the only reason everyone thinks im a lazy loser is because im fucking stupid and i cant do anything right. my whole fucking life i have never been able to be good at one thing. everything i do is bad nothing i do is ever right. i never hurt anybody why me? i have to deliver to people younger than me having parties and having fun while i work at night during friday night after crying in the car because im so overwhelmed. everybody laughs at me because i stutter and cant talk why do they laugh? im not being mean i try to be nice i never be rude or mean what the fuck did i do huh? the worst part is that the dominoes i work at is right next to the arcade i used to go when i was younger so i have to see kids go in and out of it every time i do a delivery. i remember when i had a friend and me and him would go into there and play guilty gear, street fighter and racing games. i was so carefree back then sure i was bullied but i atleast had a friend. now i dont have anything im just a worthless loser who is the laughing stock of everybody. i have no ac because my uncle took it from me when im right in the middle of a heatwave and since its so hot i cant even sleep during the day when i should be sleeping. sometimes he even makes me work his construction job since i start at 4pm he makes me start his job at 7:30 am. I fucking hate my life its not fair nothing is fair why do i have to suffer through this i hate everything i really try my best but i get nothing i cant even keep my tips because i gave all of it to a homeless guy. just kill me please
ur face got potential
im not worthy
