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$tackThatMoney
Iron
- Joined
- Aug 16, 2020
- Posts
- 135
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Being NT is incredibly important. I know many suffer from social anxiety/feelings of inadequacy.
I guarantee you, if you are socially awkward, the fact that you lack conviction is your biggest obstacle.
In recreational social settings, the information being conveyed is not the most important - just getting into a state where you can speak freely without judging yourself creates vibe - which is the priority.
I think the atmosphere of this forum negatively affects real-life social interaction. Here, you must watch what you say or come under fire. In real life, unless you make highly controversial claims, people are unlikely to contradict you. In a social setting where the goal is to relax, most mentally healthy people will be happy to see you are making an effort to contribute to the atmosphere.
'Just be NT bro' I hear the cynics say. It is, of course, easier said than done.
Here are some low effort, low social risk environments where you can practice speaking without judging yourself:
In Ubers:
When you sit down, ask how they are doing. If they give a dry response, make one more statement 'the weather today is really x'. If they don't bite this second time, put your headphones on, and relax. It is incredibly low stakes - worst case, they are boring/socially awkward themselves/have other things on their mind.
In a good case, you will have a decent conversation with someone who is probably bored senseless, and appreciative of some authentic human interaction. I have been in fits of laughter with drivers who have told me various stories about couples having sex in the back of their car, people throwing up everywhere, etc.
In Barbers:
Go to an old-school style barbers where it is mostly (if not exclusively) men. You want an expressive, masculine environment. Black barbershops are great for this. When you sit down, most of the time they will initiate a conversation with you.
Many of these guys are very NT - similar vibe to the popular kids at high school. If you are on this forum, it is unlikely you had a great social life growing up - don't be intimidated. Don't lie to them - express yourself authentically. If they ask you if you saw the 'game' and you don't give a shit about it, be honest. When my barber first asked me who I supported, I told him the only sport I followed was UFC - so we had a conversation about that instead.
Unlike high school, you are paying these guys to provide you with a service, so don't be intimidated to tell them about your nerdy hobbies/interests. They're not going to bully you. I am a huge nerd, but I am NT, and can 'own' whatever niche passion I am talking about.
In Shops, Restaurants, Bars:
Again, get into the habit of asking the cashier/waiter how they are doing. If they are in a social mood, they will reciprocate. If they are not, they will not - in which case you leave it. Very low stakes.
//
Ultimately, when you are socialising, you are marketing yourself. If people can tell you don't believe in your product, why would they? If you speak quietly and act like you're a piece of shit, people will assume this is the case. Conversely, if you speak with authority and passion, people will be inclined to believe what you're saying.
Remember, 55% of communication comes from body language and facial expressions, 38% comes from tone of voice, and just 7% comes from the words themselves. Speak with conviction - unless you are making outlandish claims, you are unlikely to be called out (unless you're with close friends).
I know some people will hate on this post. If you are considering posting a negative/scathing reply, I would say it is highly likely that you would actually be too anxious to engage in these behaviours for a week. I would challenge you to try it, and if you feel no more confident, then feel free to call me out.
As Always, Best Wishes To All
I guarantee you, if you are socially awkward, the fact that you lack conviction is your biggest obstacle.
In recreational social settings, the information being conveyed is not the most important - just getting into a state where you can speak freely without judging yourself creates vibe - which is the priority.
I think the atmosphere of this forum negatively affects real-life social interaction. Here, you must watch what you say or come under fire. In real life, unless you make highly controversial claims, people are unlikely to contradict you. In a social setting where the goal is to relax, most mentally healthy people will be happy to see you are making an effort to contribute to the atmosphere.
'Just be NT bro' I hear the cynics say. It is, of course, easier said than done.
Here are some low effort, low social risk environments where you can practice speaking without judging yourself:
In Ubers:
When you sit down, ask how they are doing. If they give a dry response, make one more statement 'the weather today is really x'. If they don't bite this second time, put your headphones on, and relax. It is incredibly low stakes - worst case, they are boring/socially awkward themselves/have other things on their mind.
In a good case, you will have a decent conversation with someone who is probably bored senseless, and appreciative of some authentic human interaction. I have been in fits of laughter with drivers who have told me various stories about couples having sex in the back of their car, people throwing up everywhere, etc.
In Barbers:
Go to an old-school style barbers where it is mostly (if not exclusively) men. You want an expressive, masculine environment. Black barbershops are great for this. When you sit down, most of the time they will initiate a conversation with you.
Many of these guys are very NT - similar vibe to the popular kids at high school. If you are on this forum, it is unlikely you had a great social life growing up - don't be intimidated. Don't lie to them - express yourself authentically. If they ask you if you saw the 'game' and you don't give a shit about it, be honest. When my barber first asked me who I supported, I told him the only sport I followed was UFC - so we had a conversation about that instead.
Unlike high school, you are paying these guys to provide you with a service, so don't be intimidated to tell them about your nerdy hobbies/interests. They're not going to bully you. I am a huge nerd, but I am NT, and can 'own' whatever niche passion I am talking about.
In Shops, Restaurants, Bars:
Again, get into the habit of asking the cashier/waiter how they are doing. If they are in a social mood, they will reciprocate. If they are not, they will not - in which case you leave it. Very low stakes.
//
Ultimately, when you are socialising, you are marketing yourself. If people can tell you don't believe in your product, why would they? If you speak quietly and act like you're a piece of shit, people will assume this is the case. Conversely, if you speak with authority and passion, people will be inclined to believe what you're saying.
Remember, 55% of communication comes from body language and facial expressions, 38% comes from tone of voice, and just 7% comes from the words themselves. Speak with conviction - unless you are making outlandish claims, you are unlikely to be called out (unless you're with close friends).
I know some people will hate on this post. If you are considering posting a negative/scathing reply, I would say it is highly likely that you would actually be too anxious to engage in these behaviours for a week. I would challenge you to try it, and if you feel no more confident, then feel free to call me out.
As Always, Best Wishes To All
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