Seth Walsh
The man in the mirror is my only threat
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So, you want to fit in with "normal" society? No problem. Follow these steps, and you'll blend in seamlessly with the majority of people around you. Here's how to nail the normie routine.
1. Keep Your Conversations Surface-Level
- Topics to Stick To: Weather, work, sports, TV shows, and weekend plans. No existential questions or deep dives into niche topics. Keep things breezy. People don't want a TED Talk when they ask, "How are you?"
- Small Talk Mastery: Develop a genuine enthusiasm for asking, "How's it going?" and replying, "Not bad, you?". The goal is to keep things light, always.
- Avoid Controversy: Stay away from politics, religion, and anything controversial. Always pick the safe option. Vanilla is your new favorite flavor.
2. Embrace Popular Trends
- Fashion: Wear clothes from big-name brands that everyone else wears. Nothing too flashy or offbeat. Aim for the middle ground – think jeans, t-shirts, sneakers. Don’t be that person who makes a statement with their outfit.
- Entertainment: Listen to chart-topping music, watch the latest popular shows, and reference the most recent blockbuster movies. If everyone’s talking about it, you should be too.
- Memes: Stick to the mainstream memes. Don’t get lost in the depths of obscure internet humor. Normies love the easily digestible, one-size-fits-all memes.
3. Be Polite, But Not Too Friendly
- Smile Appropriately: Smile when you make eye contact but don’t be overly enthusiastic. Just enough to seem friendly. No wild grins or staring into someone's soul.
- Manners: Say "please," "thank you," and "excuse me". Hold doors open but don’t be a doormat. Keep things cordial but never intense.
- Compliments: Compliment people on things like their haircut, clothes, or general appearance. But don't dive too deep. A simple, "Nice shirt," is enough. Nothing too detailed or specific.
4. Follow Social Scripts
- Greetings and Farewells: Stick to "Hey, how are you?" for greetings, and "See you later" for farewells. Don’t reinvent the wheel. People like familiarity.
- Phone Calls: Keep phone calls short and functional. Text more often – but only the way a normie would: "Hey, wanna grab coffee later?"
- Workplace Norms: At work, stick to casual chit-chat. Don’t question the meaning of your job or express too much passion. Just nod along and say, "Yep, it's going," when asked about work.
5. Adapt Your Hobbies to Fit In
- Sports and Fitness: Pick a mainstream hobby like jogging, going to the gym, or playing a popular sport (e.g., soccer, basketball). No fencing or bird-watching unless everyone else is doing it.
- Music & Movies: Like what’s popular. If people talk about a Netflix show, watch it. If a song is trending on TikTok, play it on repeat. Avoid niche interests unless they're mainstream-approved.
- Weekend Activities: Your weekends should be predictable. Brunch, Netflix, shopping, gym – rinse and repeat. No obscure passion projects.
6. Moderate Your Emotions
- Excitement: Keep it medium. Don’t jump for joy or act overly passionate. A "Cool, sounds good" should suffice.
- Sadness or Anger: Don’t cry in public, and definitely don’t lose your temper. Keep emotions bottled up, or talk about them in the most diluted way possible. "Yeah, it’s been a bit tough, but I’m fine."
7. Social Media Presence
- Platforms: Stick to Facebook, Instagram, and maybe TikTok. Post occasionally – brunch photos, gym selfies, vacations. Nothing too frequent or too weird.
- Captions: Keep captions short and clichéd: "Living my best life," "Good vibes only," "Sunday funday."
- Opinions: Avoid opinions that could alienate anyone. Be a cheerleader for things like Fridays, coffee, and puppies. Everyone loves puppies.
8. Conform in Public Settings
- Group Dynamics: Don’t stand out too much. Laugh when others laugh, agree when it’s easy, and don’t be too loud or quiet. Aim for the middle.
- Body Language: Make eye contact, but not too much. Nod occasionally. Don’t cross your arms or look disinterested. Perfect the art of looking interested without actually being too intense.
- Food Orders: Order "normal" food when eating out. No special dietary requests unless you have to. Just get a burger, or a salad. Don’t overcomplicate it.
9. Adopt Normie-Level Ambitions
- Career Goals: Talk about your career in terms of stability, promotions, and job security. Don’t bring up changing the world or philosophical reasons for what you do.
- Life Goals: Talk about wanting a house, a car, a partner, and maybe some kids. Keep your life goals clear, simple, and understandable. No avant-garde living plans.
- Bucket List: Mention wanting to travel, skydive once, or learn to cook better. Avoid anything too intense or obscure like “start a commune” or “explore the void.”