over it

[iblamericky]

I’m genuinely over everything life has to offer atp, still sub5, girlfriend is prob getting crushed by other dudes, I’m still 2 inches away from 6’4, acne won’t go the fuck away, parents are pieces of shit, I might actually fucking rope in the near future, I wanted to do it late February but i genuinely cannot take this anguish anymore it’s too much to have to put up with day in and day out, I have nobody to talk to about any of my issues and if I open up or confide in a woman that’s just my one way ticket to get manipulated and heartbroken, given that I’ve never been in a relationship before but I’ve been apart of the bp for long enough to know what women are like, she’s most likely lying to my face when she tells me I’m not sub5, or that she loves me, and even if she’s not it still doesn’t change the fact that I can’t accept any praise she gives me, or believe a single word she says period, I’m too paranoid everyone is constantly out to get me 24/7 I’m not safe anywhere, even my mind isn’t safe I can’t even trust my own parents, nor would I even want to remotely open up to anything related to this to them anyway since they’re all shitbag terrible people, especially my mom, she’s been such an insufferable asshole for the past like, 6 fucking weeks dude, it’s way too much a normal human being could bare before going ER, not even the woman I love talks to me enough for me to even open up to her, I want to talk to her so badly about all my issues but I’m afraid of manipulation and mental mind games, I just can’t help but think she doesn’t give a fuck about me and wants to see me heartbroken and miserable, why do this to me!??! what do you gain? what’s the point in saying all these things about me? Why tell me you love me when you don’t? I seriously don’t get it, jfl before I rope I’ll probably go ER so if things don’t get better for me in the near future expect to hear from me soon jfl