Theory people mistake familiarity for warmth and spend their whole lives chasing the wrong thing in relationships

[kdev]

everyone talks about wanting genuine connection, warmth, people who actually care etc. but i think most people cant actually distinguish between warmth and familiarity because they've never experienced them separately

like when u meet someone who feels instantly comfortable to be around, ur brain labels that as warmth. but what ur actually detecting is pattern recognition. something about their mannerisms, tone, or energy matches a template ur brain already has stored from someone significant in ur past so ur not responding to who they actually are ur responding to how well they match a cached version of someone else

the scary implication of this is that most peoples "type" in friendships and relationships isnt really about compatibility, its about resemblance to early familiarity. ur basically just recasting the same people over and over without realizing it and genuine warmth from someone who doesnt match any of ur cached templates gets completely ignored or even feels uncomfortable because ur brain has no reference point for it

so when people say they cant find genuine connection the actual problem might be that they wouldnt recognize it even if it was right in front of them because it doesnt feel familiar enough to register as warmth nobody really separates these two things and i think it explains a lot

 

[htbslayeer]

I'm investing in you

 

[kdev]

I'm investing in you

thanks sir

 

[d0wnpour_]

everyone talks about wanting genuine connection, warmth, people who actually care etc. but i think most people cant actually distinguish between warmth and familiarity because they've never experienced them separately

like when u meet someone who feels instantly comfortable to be around, ur brain labels that as warmth. but what ur actually detecting is pattern recognition. something about their mannerisms, tone, or energy matches a template ur brain already has stored from someone significant in ur past so ur not responding to who they actually are ur responding to how well they match a cached version of someone else

the scary implication of this is that most peoples "type" in friendships and relationships isnt really about compatibility, its about resemblance to early familiarity. ur basically just recasting the same people over and over without realizing it and genuine warmth from someone who doesnt match any of ur cached templates gets completely ignored or even feels uncomfortable because ur brain has no reference point for it

so when people say they cant find genuine connection the actual problem might be that they wouldnt recognize it even if it was right in front of them because it doesnt feel familiar enough to register as warmth nobody really separates these two things and i think it explains a lot

While I agree, I think familiarity is a large part of connection in the first place. Without someone having features or things you are familiar with, you are much less likely to establish a connection. It's like two people from two totally different tribes meeting. It just isn't gonna happen most of the time.

Nice post

 

[tgun564636]

I don’t understand these words please summarize in a sentence so low iq individuals like me feel included

 

[kdev]

I don’t understand these words please summarize in a sentence so low iq individuals like me feel included

basically ur brain confuses 'this feels familiar' with 'this person is warm' and spends its whole life chasing the wrong people because of it is the best way to put it

 

[GodDeityEyeBro]

While I agree, I think familiarity is a large part of connection in the first place. Without someone having features or things you are familiar with, you are much less likely to establish a connection. It's like two people from two totally different tribes meeting. It just isn't gonna happen most of the time.

Nice post

i think it's a healthy balance between the two that builds a good relationship. Not too unfamiliar where you are just not gonna connect but also not too familiar to where the person just becomes another replaceable cog.

Having that + strong experience you two overcome and shared together with = One of the most beautiful things in life

 

[kdev]

i think it's a healthy balance between the two that builds a good relationship. Not too unfamiliar where you are just not gonna connect but also not too familiar to where the person just becomes another replaceable cog.

Having that + strong experience you two overcome and shared together with = One of the most beautiful things in life

real