Personality Disorder testing completed. New info from the ward. GTFIH. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

[MoggerGaston]

I did extensive testing with a psychologist for all possible personality disorders that exist over the last month. This was done according to the idea that there are 10 specific types of personality disorders in the DSM-5-TR.

At first you do a screener, which is extremely sensitive. It's a couple of pages of questions which take ~2 hours to fill in under supervision of a psychologist.
It doesn't mean whatsoever that the personality disorders you are getting flagged for, that you actually have them. This screener only wants to make absolutely sure which possible disorders could be yours, and which ones are entirely NOT yours.

So if you have even the most minor amount of possible borderline, this screener will flag you for it to make sure you get more testing done for borderline to figure out whether you actually have a borderline personality disorder.
But if even this most sensitive screener doesn't flag you for narcissism. Then it's incredibly unlikely you would have narcissism and no further testing is required.

It just tries to save time and effort by limiting which detailed personality testing needs to be done.


And it flagged me for 7/10 personality disorders that exist:

I could possibly have:

narcissism (a pattern of need for admiration and lack of empathy for others.)
borderline (pattern of instability in personal relationships, intense emotions, poor self-image and impulsivity.)
avoidant (a pattern of extreme shyness, feelings of inadequacy, and extreme sensitivity to criticism.)
obsessive(a pattern of preoccupation with orderliness, perfection and control.)
shizoid (being detached from social relationships and expressing little emotion.)
paranoid (a pattern of being suspicious of others and seeing them as mean or spiteful)
antisocial (pattern of disregarding or violating the rights of others.)

The 3 personality disorders I absolutely didn't have according to the screener (and I wouldn't need any further testing for these) are:

dependant (a pattern of needing to be taken care of and submissive and clingy behavior. )
histrionic (a pattern of excessive emotion and attention-seeking.)
shizotypal (a pattern of being very uncomfortable in close relationships, having distorted thinking and eccentric behavior.)

So I can scratch these off. Phew. Fucking hell man.
I don't have these 3 personality disorders because even the most sensitive official testing couldn't flag these for me.

I am not dependant, which I kinda feel like the name speaks for itself.

I am not histrionic (nobody even knows this word I think) So I have to explain some more here.
My psychologist told me that a 'histrionic personality disorder' is very typical for people who paint their hair blue, get excessive tattoos, piercings, etc. People with a histrionic personality disorder often try to draw a lot of attention to themselves with really weird/alternative styling.
That's not me.

I am not shizotypal, but is difficult for me to understand or explain what this really is or means.
People with schizotypal personality disorder typically display unusual behavior, odd speech and magical beliefs. You might not realize your behavior is unusual or problematic.


Then I had to answer questions with my psychologist for another 3-4 hours that had to do with the 7 personality disorders I got flagged for

I am letting you guess now, which personality disorder did I get flagged for BY FAR the most out of the 7 I mentioned? It's in the poll.

1 of these 7, i got 'diagnosed' for. The rest I didn't. Only 1 stood out for me. Which one?




VOTE BEFORE YOU READ THE SPOILER.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Spoiler

Vote first dude. I want to know what you think of me from the way I post and behave on this forum.
You probably have -some- idea of me, vote whatever you think I am. Vote is anonymous, doesn't matter what you vote.
It would just be cool to see what idea you have of me even if you barely know me, in which way you think I am mentally ill, and how it compares to a psychologist's idea of me with official testing and their view of me.

Spoiler

Spoiler

waiting for votes first, but I will tell you what it is soon and give explanation.

@TechnoBoss @Michael Myers @incel194012940 @Aladin @autistic_tendencies @BrahminBoss @the BULL @_MVP_ @Xtra @Vermilioncore @JL~ @standardcel @apocalypse

 

[MoggerGaston]

poll is gone, fixing right now

 

[RichardSpencel]

You’re an incel

Personality max asap

 

[Aladin]

Borderline is my guess.

 

[Deleted member 20399]

@fukmylyf was right

 

[MoggerGaston]

poll is fixed.

u guys have seen me post 24.340 posts here.
which personality disorder do you think I have from the 7 out of 10 which I got flagged for by an official 'screener'?

 

[Sprinkles]

I think you are borderline.

 

[Gengar]

Narcissism and borderline. Also, I know what histrionic personality disorder is. Some porn star had it, he would do crazy things like jerking off in mailbox or wherever he could.

 

[Bitchwhipper2]

Guessing borderline as youve never struck me as narcy and also because everyone else is saying so

 

[Deleted member 34127]

BPD or NPD I would say

 

[MoggerGaston]

You’re an incel

Personality max asap

i am the only guy in my mental ward group who doesnt have a girlfriend/wife

(age 24-44, i am 28)

i feel mogged by ppl in the ward. how brutal

 

[Harold O'brien]

schizoid or narcissism - my two cents

 

[Moggkrates]

avoidant and borderline i guess, both can be triggered by parental and peer abuse. Im a mix of avoidant, narcy and borderline. Sometimes i behave like a nosepierced blue haired 16 yo foid, shits rediculous.

 

[MoggerGaston]

Going to let this poll go for another hour and then break the news.

The results are REALLY interesting so far.

dont read if you havent voted yet

Spoiler

The results are very un-intuitive I think. People have an idea of me which doesnt allign at all with what my psychologist + extensive testing has concluded of me

I am at the mental ward ~12 hours a week from now on. I got admitted to the ward last week and now I get 12-16 hours of therapy per week here. Most of it is group therapy but it also has several hours of individual sessions.

The mental ward here is nothing what I ever expected. I've heard so many bad things from people here.

Like: getting drugged in the ward.

Not a single person at this mental ward facility has even suggested drugs for me so far. They have even got me to open up about my own alcohol/drug use and it was all in a very understanding, empathic way.
Like, my therapists completely accepted my drug and alcohol use as 'normal coping mechanisms'. And there was no urgent need to change these coping mechanisms.

I was merely met with understanding that I live life this way and I need these coping mechanisms to deal with my trauma/life
That's how you live life as a mentally ill person, you need your coping mechanisms. For me it's drugs and alcohol, those are my crutches.

You don't go up to a disabled person and take his crutches

'yo man, u relying on these crutches to walk?! You are an addict. Time to take that away and see how you handle life without your crutches.'



Idk this was not the vibe AT ALL at this mental institution. These people realize you can be be doing alcohol/drugs to cope with your life, it's just a coping mechanism.

They really want to help you. I've only had good experiences with the therapists at this institution so far. They have nothing against me. They will let me use drugs/alcohol, if that's what I need to cope with my current life, hey, that's okay.

It's nothing like I ever imagined. The biggest enemy of my life-quality is myself at this point. I am still incredibly hostile and sceptical.


Man. One day I will considered 'bluepilled' on this forum. But not in an ignorant way, I will always remember how much looks matter.
But I will be more focussed on my personal life, hobbies, picking who I want to interact with, etc.


My therapists keep telling me, time after time again, that I am WAY TOO HARD ON MYSELF.
I can vibe with that: Like I call myself subhuman daily.

Like most days I literally wake up, calling myself subhuman instantly and then having to go with that flow. (and then drinking shitton of alcohol to forget about it)

 

[tombradylover]

I would have guessed Border and/or Narcy. Interested to see what ur psych said

 

[RichardSpencel]

i am the only guy in my mental ward group who doesnt have a girlfriend/wife

(age 24-44, i am 28)

i feel mogged by ppl in the ward. how brutal

Is the bull there?

You also got avoidant btw

 

[TechnoBoss]

-Borderline
-Obsessive
-Paranoid

Interesting read, Have you ever considered yourself any of those test things done before? I would guess you have one of three things I believe. have.

 

[Kelly Oubre Jr]

i have retard

 

[Bitchwhipper2]

Like most days I literally wake up, calling myself subhuman instantly and then having to go with that flow. (and then drinking shitton of alcohol to forget about it)

Why is it that you call yourself that?

Its quite interesting, because I call myself subhuman aswell but instead of it bumming me out I just start caging instead.

 

[MoggerGaston]

i passed out drunk in my room after making this topic. Then woke up and had to be at the ward all day. Then after the ward I got drunk and passed out again.

Now I am back

I have avoidant personality disorder none of the others tested positive.

This shows itself in masking a lot during social interaction, but also avoiding vulnerability

 

[MoggerGaston]

Why is it that you call yourself that?

because I believe I am.

Its quite interesting, because I call myself subhuman aswell but instead of it bumming me out I just start caging instead.

Only when I am drunk do I cage about it.

 

[MoggerGaston]

-Borderline
-Obsessive
-Paranoid

Interesting read, Have you ever considered yourself any of those test things done before? I would guess you have one of three things I believe. have.

I could vibe a bit with narcy and avoidant, but turns out I only got avoidant.

 

[Bitchwhipper2]

because I believe I am.

Only when I am drunk do I cage about it.

Do you hope to come to terms with your perceived subhumanity and if not how are you planning on dealing with this issue?

 

[MoggerGaston]

Do you hope to come to terms with your perceived subhumanity and if not how are you planning on dealing with this issue?

im in the ward for the next 2 years

if that doesn't make my life liveable, ill just drink/snort/gamble until I have some misfortune, disease or accident which significantly lowers my life quality. Then try to use that as fuel to finally kill myself.

 

[StrangerDanger]

im in the ward for the next 2 years

if that doesn't make my life liveable, ill just drink/snort/gamble until I have some misfortune, disease or accident which significantly lowers my life quality. Then try to use that as fuel to finally kill myself.

shrooms/acid hasn’t helped you get over your destructive behaviours? did you just abuse them to get high partying?

 

[MoggerGaston]

shrooms/acid hasn’t helped you get over your destructive behaviours? did you just abuse them to get high partying?

shrooms/acid ain't gonna magically cure your PTSD. If it would all be so easy, why are there mentally ill people at all in the world?
just take shrooms and you're cured bro. why be depressed when you can be happy instead? JFL at this shit.

there's people with loving, supportive families, friends and SO who still can't get over their PTSD or cope with personality disorders.
but some truecel subhuman with no friends, nothing, will just cure it by taking some mushrooms.

 

[MoggerGaston]

ppl are so damn clueless about drugs holy shit

 

[MoggerGaston]

shrooms/acid hasn’t helped you get over your destructive behaviours? did you just abuse them to get high partying?

just bought the strongest pack of shrooms they had in the entire store.

gonna cure myself tonight. i got this, fam

 

[StrangerDanger]

shrooms/acid ain't gonna magically cure your PTSD. If it would all be so easy, why are there mentally ill people at all in the world?
just take shrooms and you're cured bro. why be depressed when you can be happy instead? JFL at this shit.

there's people with loving, supportive families, friends and SO who still can't get over their PTSD or cope with personality disorders.
but some truecel subhuman with no friends, nothing, will just cure it by taking some mushrooms.

ppl are so damn clueless about drugs holy shit

Never said its a miracle drug, that projection was made by yourself.

Psychedelics show promising results in dealing with trauma, anxiety and destructive behaviours. They can help you analyze your behaviours from new perspectives, let you step out of your operative system (sense of self) as well as rewire behaviours extremely fast due to the neurogenesis and increased neuroplasticity. They were not used in the AA protocol for no reason and heavy research is going on. Of course they won’t help you if you abuse them like a junkie retard. It can be a powerful tool, IF you use them right.

 

[Tallest person here]

i obviously don't know more than therapists but!

Reminder That Anything People Say On r/Nootropics And Youtube Is Pure Cope

This post is a reminder that anything you read about cognitive enhancement and improving your social skills through r/nootropics and YouTubers like Boost Your Biology means fuck all. Do not cope with muh nootropics/supplements, it is meant for people who still believe in placebo and want to...

looksmax.org

the stuff they talk about here seems like it could help

 

[MoggerGaston]

Never said its a miracle drug, that projection was made by yourself.

Psychedelics show promising results in dealing with trauma, anxiety and destructive behaviours. They can help you analyze your behaviours from new perspectives, let you step out of your operative system (sense of self) as well as rewire behaviours extremely fast due to the neurogenesis and increased neuroplasticity. They were not used in the AA protocol for no reason and heavy research is going on. Of course they won’t help you if you abuse them like a junkie retard. It can be a powerful tool, IF you use them right.

my own experience is that drugs can indeed be incredibly strong in giving you insight in what way you are hurting. How your trauma, personality disorders, etc. is affecting your life, how it makes you behave, and so on.

It's a whole different ballgame to turn that into real change though.
You return to your default brain-setting after your trip. Back to your old feelings/thoughts. The anxiety is back, your coping mechanisms are back, again you feel terribly scared of tackling certain issues. Now only a memory of the shroom-trip remains in your brain.

This memory is not enough to suddenly stop making you feel anxious, so you back to old behavior/thought patterns. It's impossible to avoid.
You would need to devise an extremely elaborate plan to start dealing with your trauma in small baby steps. Help from your family/friends, start putting new patterns into your lifestyle slowly, slowly making movements outside of your comfort zone, and so on.

This is not easy. Especially on your own with shit life circumstances like me.

What it does really give you, is a glimpse of a life, a brain, in which the anxiety is no longer there. So it can give you some drive/hope to change.



What have drugs done for me so far?
In 2023 I applied for extensive mental health aid with local hospitals, wards, etc. Literally as a result of my shroom and MDMA trips.

Now this summer after a year of waiting lists, I have finally started extensive therapy for 15hours/week for the next 2 years, to get help with my change, transition.
That's a real change, despite finding it hard to believe in it succeeding, I believe it's a step in the right direction.

You prefer calling me an abusing junkie though. Even using drugs like cocaine, which are spiritually/psychologically completely and utterly useless. Have some use as you learn what extreme confidence feels like and you get insight in how other people (on cocaine) behave and socialize.


Drugs are extremely hard to use effectively. Especially when you are a depressed truecel subhuman with PTSD and a diagnosed 'avoidant personality disorder'.

life is fucking hard man.

 

[StrangerDanger]

my own experience is that drugs can indeed be incredibly strong in giving you insight in what way you are hurting. How your trauma, personality disorders, etc. is affecting your life, how it makes you behave, etc.

It's a whole different ballgame to turn that into real change though.
You return to your default brain-setting after your trip. Back to your old feelings/thoughts. The anxiety is back, your coping mechanisms are back, again you feel terribly scared and tackling certain issues. Now only a memory of the shroom-trip remains in your brain.

This memory is not enough to suddenly stop making you feel anxious, so you back to old behavior/thought patterns. It's impossible to avoid.
You would need to devise an extremely elaborate plan to start dealing with your trauma in small baby steps. Help from your family/friends, start putting new patterns into your lifestyle slowly, slowly making movements outside of your comfort zone, and so on.

This is not easy. Especially on your own with shit life circumstances like me.

What it does really give you, is a glimpse of a life, a brain, in which the anxiety is no longer there. So it can give you some drive/hope to change.



What have drugs done for me so far?
In 2023 I applied for extensive mental health aid with local hospitals, wards, etc. Literally as a result of my shroom and MDMA trips.

Now this summer I have finally started extensive therapy for 15hours/week for the next 2 years, to get help with my change, transition.
That's a real change, despite finding it hard to believe in it succeeding, I believe it's a step in the right direction.

You prefer calling me an abusing junkie though. Even using drugs like cocaine, which are spiritually/psychologically completely and utterly useless. Have some use as you learn what extreme confidence feels like and you get insight in how other people (on cocaine) behave and socialize.


Drugs are extremely hard to use effectively. Especially when you are a depressed truecel subhuman with PTSD and a diagnosed 'avoidant personality disorder'.

life is fucking hard man.

I guess it’s subjective, yes you return to baseline after trip and will have to integrate the insights onto your life to sustain it. However I and other people have destroyed habits and thought patterns during the trip. I suppose its due to the increased neurogenesis and neuroplasticity alllowing you to easier rewire your brain patterns. Similar to Vorinostat in some ways. Ex Paul Stamets appareantly eliminated his stuttering during a shroom trip and there are many who get over their social anxieties, addictions, fear of death, autism symptoms, bdd etc. I frequently see such stories on r/Psychonaut and r/LSD

Personally I removed all my inhbitions and social anxiety, quit drinking soda, started to enjoying the present moment and nature, started doing things on my own accord, started to feel confident in myself, stopped wasting time through second hand media, stopped caring about external validation, got into buddhism/hinduism (against my will, threw me into a Dark Night of the Soul).
It has caused extreme shifts in my perspective. I have spent little time trying to force these patterns into my lifestyle, I believe I rewired my brain to the point that these things became the path of least resistance and developed naturally afterwards. Just from 2-3 acid trips and I barely remember them, I ego deathed on my second one though but as if my subconcious went ahead and did all the work for me.
However, obviously this does not happen to everyone and there are people like you who have do hard work and gradually to retain the insights and make progress in your daily life which can be hard. I want to believe that there can be significant improvements made fast with an enough profound and introspective trip.
A high enough dose where you experience ego death and a state of temporary enlightenment can cause a MASSIVE shift in perspective and completely change who you are and your entire worldview but obviously thats overkill for theurapetic purposes

 

[MoggerGaston]

I guess it’s subjective, yes you return to baseline after trip and will have to integrate the insights onto your life to sustain it. However I and other people have destroyed habits and thought patterns during the trip. I suppose its due to the increased neurogenesis and neuroplasticity alllowing you to easier rewire your brain patterns. Similar to Vorinostat in some ways. Ex Paul Stamets appareantly eliminated his stuttering during a shroom trip and there are many who get over their social anxieties, addictions, fear of death, autism symptoms, bdd etc. I frequently see such stories on r/Psychonaut and r/LSD

Personally I removed all my inhbitions and social anxiety, quit drinking soda, started to enjoying the present moment and nature, started doing things on my own accord, started to feel confident in myself, stopped wasting time through second hand media, stopped caring about external validation, got into buddhism/hinduism (against my will, threw me into a Dark Night of the Soul).
It has caused extreme shifts in my perspective. I have spent little time trying to force these patterns into my lifestyle, I believe I rewired my brain to the point that these things became the path of least resistance and developed naturally afterwards. Just from 2-3 acid trips and I barely remember them, I ego deathed on my second one though but as if my subconcious went ahead and did all the work for me.
However, obviously this does not happen to everyone and there are people like you who have do hard work and gradually to retain the insights and make progress in your daily life which can be hard. I want to believe that there can be significant improvements made fast with an enough profound and introspective trip.
A high enough dose where you experience ego death and a state of temporary enlightenment can cause a MASSIVE shift in perspective and completely change who you are and your entire worldview but obviously thats overkill for theurapetic purposes

I guess it's different for everyone.

It could be that you have all the right things in place in life already: relationships, friends, hobbies, job, etc. but that it's only really your own mind holding you back at this point. perhaps it works better in those cases.

But when your whole life is destroyed and has to be built from the ground up again, you need more than just a mental change, you need years of work to build an environment in which a new mind could possibly even thrive.

But yeah I agree drugs can help with that and I will continue using it for that reason.
I used acid only one time in my life, experienced ego-death, then got paranoid towards the end of the trip but eventually landed back down on earth.
It had me walking around clueless for 3 days following the trip. I would wake up so blank, with this idea of: 'what the fuck am I doing with my life? But I don't know what I should be doing.' I was just going on hourlong walks aimlessly. My old patterns/habits were broken, but I had no idea what the do with my life now. Nothing felt right or good.
Eventually after 1-2 weeks the old habits started coming back.

Definitely the strongest experience I've had, maybe too strong. Shrooms are a bit easier to inject into my life as it's only a 3hour trip or so.

What do you think about ketamine to help with depression btw?

 

[StrangerDanger]

I guess it's different for everyone.

It could be that you have all the right things in place in life already: relationships, friends, hobbies, job, etc. but that it's only really your own mind holding you back at this point. perhaps it works better in those cases.

But when your whole life is destroyed and has to be built from the ground up again, you need more than just a mental change, you need years of work to build an environment in which a new mind could possibly even thrive.

But yeah I agree drugs can help with that and I will continue using it for that reason.
I used acid only one time in my life, experienced ego-death, then got paranoid towards the end of the trip but eventually landed back down on earth.
It had me walking around clueless for 3 days following the trip. I would wake up so blank, with this idea of: 'what the fuck am I doing with my life? But I don't know what I should be doing.' I was just going on hourlong walks aimlessly. My old patterns/habits were broken, but I had no idea what the do with my life now. Nothing felt right or good.
Eventually after 1-2 weeks the old habits started coming back.

Definitely the strongest experience I've had, maybe too strong. Shrooms are a bit easier to inject into my life as it's only a 3hour trip or so.

What do you think about ketamine to help with depression btw?

Fair. I had already had the circumstances in place that allowed me to change, where I could be happy. I just had to drop a lot of additional layers that were unnecessary and holding me back from living. I quit uni and moved back to my parents cause I realized it was not what I wanted to do, was barely even attending and I was lonely and miserable. This of course allowed to me to change to a loving environment quickly which may be the foundation of why it was easy to create lasting changes. Sadly not everyone have this priviledge and building a new you requires great efforts instead of just the cessation of things.

Sounds like you wiped your slate clean for a while on that acid ego death and you had a small window of oppurtunity of 1-2 weeks to change but instead the ego resurfaced. I had the same thing. All my interests and desires were gone and I felt like I could be anybody, it lasted so long that it caused me DP/DR because I would just lie in bed and existenstially ponder. Realizing that our mind is just construction of matter pretending that its not and there is no real seperateness had profound implications for me, we are not the ”I” in our head, that’s just another thought the real You is experiencing. Idk if you experienced this but I peeled away all the layers of myself until there was only pure consciousness left. That is our true self and this is the same realization people aim to get at through years of meditation but we took the helicopter ride to the mountain and experienced a glimpse of non-duality. This has led me down the rabbit hole of eastern philosophy which has changed my entire outlook on life itself. I recommend Alan Watts and Ram Dass. It is to awaken and naturally big shifts in character follows a big shift in perspective.
To get back to normal I had to willingly indulge in my ego and now its in control again but the changes within that time frame has lasted. Maybe if you knew what changes you had to make in your life during that window of oppurtunity you could create lasting changes instead of wandering around aimlessly.

I have no experience or knowledge around disassociative like ketamine. All that I have heard is that its showing promosing results aswell