T
tyuezlookist
Iron
- Joined
- Oct 16, 2022
- Posts
- 48
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I discovered looksmaxxing and the blackpill when i was around 13 or 14. I am 18 now. At first, I just mewed, tried cope facial exercises, did stretches for height, and tried to have a positive mindset/used positive affirmations, etc. Aside from those things, I never really did anything over the years, never really using this forum. After all, there is only so much you can do, and I wasnt aware of or or even able to do anything else.
As a kid, I was always smaller than my peers, sometimes being significantly smaller than kids even 2 years younger than me. Despite this, I had a good “personality”. I was funny, and became popular as a result. Looking back at my facial features back then in comparison to now, i pity myself. Compared to how I look like now, I was subhuman, yet I was a happy and caring person. I look back and rage at the fact that my parents and doctors never did anything for me, never helped me at all, only blamed me and told me to “eat more” despite there never being anything to eat in the house. The doctor back then literally said I had a delayed bone age, which makes sense because right now at 18 my second molars are only now growing in.
This continued even when I moved away from the area I was in, I still made friends fairly easily due to my funny and caring nature, despite not looking all that good and being short as shit. In fact, when I moved to my new school, I had a group of older girls that helped me and called me cute, but probably not in a dating way.
Regardless, everything was fine until my flaws caught up to me. When my physical disabilities took over, rendering me unable to employ my “personality”, I had no physical appearance to compensate for it, and thus came the beginning of my social isolation. Up until this point, i somehow had lived my life with these disabilities, and had somehow managed to excel socially and academically, but at some point it caught up to me.
Lets just say these disabilities hindered my ability to detect and sense people, as a result I sat alone at lunch, something that I had never done before (in fact, I used to sit at the “popular” tables at my old school and interacted with and helped those who were lonely, I never received the same treatment when it was my turn to be the lonely one though). Yeah, it’s not that big of a deal, but to me back then, it was humiliation and mental torture. Despite this, i was still social in classes and people were friendly to me. This time was the transition from my happy and social life to depressed socially outcasted lonely life.
At some point, I guess whatever it was that was toying with me decided to take it to the next level, because they werent amused enough, so I developed more health problems. This specific health problem was a tumor, which turned out to be benign, but because of this tumor I had to be taken out of school for 1-2 years, and was put on a weird diet that probably stunted my development. It was during this break from school that I discovered the BP and looksmaxxing. Upon this discovery I did everything in my power to ascend. During this break, i pretty much did absolutely nothing to socialize with people. I rotted inside all day. Of course, this further contributed to the mental shift I had begun to build during the beginning of my social isolation, and like a caterpillar going through metamorphosis, came out of the isolation a brand new person, an ND high inhib truecel..
When I returned to school, I didn’t even know how to act. On the very first day I of course sat alone and could hardly bear to even look at people, I couldn’t interact with anyone because I just assumed they werent talking to me so I ignored them. This set the foundation for the rest of my school life. That year was the worst, but the rest of my school years weren’t very good either, only getting slightly better over time. I was always a high inhib truecel that had little to no friends, and went to no social events. The whole time I wondered what I did to deserve it since i’ve always innately been such a good person, then I realized it was never about the personality.
Of course, that whole time I was always doing ND shit to try to salvage any bit of SMV I could possibly have, for example LDAR for spinal decompression because I was so insecure.
I graduated highschool at 17, a year early, having accomplished pretty much nothing socially. During the time that i’ve been graduated, i’ve been working on myself more, now that I have the funds to do so. I was around 5’5 when I graduated, and my face (which to be honest was fairly attractive but was nerfed due to insanely unlucky facial asymmetry, 1 side being significantly more attractive than the other due to having more forward growth and being wider), something I had worked on for years, was still the main factor behind my insecurity. I always limited myself from doing anything because I was so insecure, discovering bp and being aware of my flaws made it a lot worse. I was so ND and high inhib that i struggled to even look at girls i found attractive and talk to anyone even old friends (doesnt help if they were good looking girls because then i couldnt even look at them).
Throughout the year and a half i’ve been out of school, i’ve gratefully gone from 5’5 to 5’11, I only started hgh about 1-2 months ago and i grew 1-2 more inches from it. my face is a lot more attractive because my main flaws were facial asymmetry and lackluster jaw development (which ig makes sense because my second molars are only now growing in), but now my jaw is so much more chiseled and developed it’s insane, i’m naturally lean and have good cheekbones so my cheeks are damn near hollow. My browridge has grown as well, in general I have more facial bonemass which i largely attribute to pinning faily large quantities of hgh daily (idgaf, anything to ascend), my mandible has grown longer and my maxilla has actually grown idgaf if y’all think it’s cope but my “bad” side’s profile is a lot more proportional to my good side, unfortunately my “bad” side is still the side people see me as and my good side is what i see in the mirror (big reason why bp affected me so much when i was younger, because what i thought i looked like was completely different from reality), but i’m still improving and am grateful for the changes. My hands are also larger, longer fingers, and am pretty vascular.
I aim to ascend further and start gymcelling eventually. I want to reach 6’3, i’m wearing some slight lifts to get me from 5’11 to 6ft, would be happy with 6’2 barefoot ig but i’m grateful for what I currently have. I know for a fact I will continue developing though, but i’m glad i’m away from my previous situation. I am still ND and high inhib, i’ll try fixing it. I think i am actually nd because i have these weird stims i do sometimes like blinking really hard and just the way I think in general. If at my birth there were some complications that affected my senses then I guess it’s not far fetched to think that my mental development may have been affected as well.
If anyone has any suggestions in terms of further self improvement help a brocel out. Yes I am still completely celibate but then again i never actually do anything social. Is there any actual way to fully fix my facial symmetry, anything else I should do? I still sound pretty young although my voice is a bit deeper, and still look young for my age despite my increase in maturity.
I’ll just keep pinning gh. Jfl at my parents saying I don’t do anything for myself in the past, they think eating and working out is everything lol. They could never inject foreign chinese substances into themselves. I will gymcel eventually but i’m prioritizing bone growth so i’m only doing some light exercise.
Guess that’s all, might post another update eventually
As a kid, I was always smaller than my peers, sometimes being significantly smaller than kids even 2 years younger than me. Despite this, I had a good “personality”. I was funny, and became popular as a result. Looking back at my facial features back then in comparison to now, i pity myself. Compared to how I look like now, I was subhuman, yet I was a happy and caring person. I look back and rage at the fact that my parents and doctors never did anything for me, never helped me at all, only blamed me and told me to “eat more” despite there never being anything to eat in the house. The doctor back then literally said I had a delayed bone age, which makes sense because right now at 18 my second molars are only now growing in.
This continued even when I moved away from the area I was in, I still made friends fairly easily due to my funny and caring nature, despite not looking all that good and being short as shit. In fact, when I moved to my new school, I had a group of older girls that helped me and called me cute, but probably not in a dating way.
Regardless, everything was fine until my flaws caught up to me. When my physical disabilities took over, rendering me unable to employ my “personality”, I had no physical appearance to compensate for it, and thus came the beginning of my social isolation. Up until this point, i somehow had lived my life with these disabilities, and had somehow managed to excel socially and academically, but at some point it caught up to me.
Lets just say these disabilities hindered my ability to detect and sense people, as a result I sat alone at lunch, something that I had never done before (in fact, I used to sit at the “popular” tables at my old school and interacted with and helped those who were lonely, I never received the same treatment when it was my turn to be the lonely one though). Yeah, it’s not that big of a deal, but to me back then, it was humiliation and mental torture. Despite this, i was still social in classes and people were friendly to me. This time was the transition from my happy and social life to depressed socially outcasted lonely life.
At some point, I guess whatever it was that was toying with me decided to take it to the next level, because they werent amused enough, so I developed more health problems. This specific health problem was a tumor, which turned out to be benign, but because of this tumor I had to be taken out of school for 1-2 years, and was put on a weird diet that probably stunted my development. It was during this break from school that I discovered the BP and looksmaxxing. Upon this discovery I did everything in my power to ascend. During this break, i pretty much did absolutely nothing to socialize with people. I rotted inside all day. Of course, this further contributed to the mental shift I had begun to build during the beginning of my social isolation, and like a caterpillar going through metamorphosis, came out of the isolation a brand new person, an ND high inhib truecel..
When I returned to school, I didn’t even know how to act. On the very first day I of course sat alone and could hardly bear to even look at people, I couldn’t interact with anyone because I just assumed they werent talking to me so I ignored them. This set the foundation for the rest of my school life. That year was the worst, but the rest of my school years weren’t very good either, only getting slightly better over time. I was always a high inhib truecel that had little to no friends, and went to no social events. The whole time I wondered what I did to deserve it since i’ve always innately been such a good person, then I realized it was never about the personality.
Of course, that whole time I was always doing ND shit to try to salvage any bit of SMV I could possibly have, for example LDAR for spinal decompression because I was so insecure.
I graduated highschool at 17, a year early, having accomplished pretty much nothing socially. During the time that i’ve been graduated, i’ve been working on myself more, now that I have the funds to do so. I was around 5’5 when I graduated, and my face (which to be honest was fairly attractive but was nerfed due to insanely unlucky facial asymmetry, 1 side being significantly more attractive than the other due to having more forward growth and being wider), something I had worked on for years, was still the main factor behind my insecurity. I always limited myself from doing anything because I was so insecure, discovering bp and being aware of my flaws made it a lot worse. I was so ND and high inhib that i struggled to even look at girls i found attractive and talk to anyone even old friends (doesnt help if they were good looking girls because then i couldnt even look at them).
Throughout the year and a half i’ve been out of school, i’ve gratefully gone from 5’5 to 5’11, I only started hgh about 1-2 months ago and i grew 1-2 more inches from it. my face is a lot more attractive because my main flaws were facial asymmetry and lackluster jaw development (which ig makes sense because my second molars are only now growing in), but now my jaw is so much more chiseled and developed it’s insane, i’m naturally lean and have good cheekbones so my cheeks are damn near hollow. My browridge has grown as well, in general I have more facial bonemass which i largely attribute to pinning faily large quantities of hgh daily (idgaf, anything to ascend), my mandible has grown longer and my maxilla has actually grown idgaf if y’all think it’s cope but my “bad” side’s profile is a lot more proportional to my good side, unfortunately my “bad” side is still the side people see me as and my good side is what i see in the mirror (big reason why bp affected me so much when i was younger, because what i thought i looked like was completely different from reality), but i’m still improving and am grateful for the changes. My hands are also larger, longer fingers, and am pretty vascular.
I aim to ascend further and start gymcelling eventually. I want to reach 6’3, i’m wearing some slight lifts to get me from 5’11 to 6ft, would be happy with 6’2 barefoot ig but i’m grateful for what I currently have. I know for a fact I will continue developing though, but i’m glad i’m away from my previous situation. I am still ND and high inhib, i’ll try fixing it. I think i am actually nd because i have these weird stims i do sometimes like blinking really hard and just the way I think in general. If at my birth there were some complications that affected my senses then I guess it’s not far fetched to think that my mental development may have been affected as well.
If anyone has any suggestions in terms of further self improvement help a brocel out. Yes I am still completely celibate but then again i never actually do anything social. Is there any actual way to fully fix my facial symmetry, anything else I should do? I still sound pretty young although my voice is a bit deeper, and still look young for my age despite my increase in maturity.
I’ll just keep pinning gh. Jfl at my parents saying I don’t do anything for myself in the past, they think eating and working out is everything lol. They could never inject foreign chinese substances into themselves. I will gymcel eventually but i’m prioritizing bone growth so i’m only doing some light exercise.
Guess that’s all, might post another update eventually
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