ElySioNs
Mercenary
- Joined
- Feb 7, 2021
- Posts
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People that say women don't have orgasms during rape. I would agree that most women probably don't. But if you do, it becomes a rabbit hole so lethal it can destroy your life. Constantly trying to recreate it. The arousal is an icy feeling. Not the warm, hot, fiery one you have with someone you love and trust. The wrongness, fear, adrenaline, etc. leads to hypersensitivity, making the sensation more intense.
Some women squeeze and throb during arousal, and this feeling adds to the humiliation. I've been raped many times in my life, and I know that on a subconscious level, I attracted those events to myself. As in, deep down, I wanted to experience the intense orgasms again.
Eventually, I became a prostitute. I remember how the lack of control would make the sessions feel 'rape-like.' The feeling of being vulnerable and alone with a stranger in my own home. And then, when he would get close to finishing, I'd imagine how if I suddenly asked him to stop, he wouldn't.
I can't see/hear the word rape without my body starting to respond. Not a single day passes where my mind doesn't re-live the feeling of orgasm during rape. Sometimes, I masturbate to it to try to free it. It will work for a little while, but then the craving will come back. Sometimes I wonder if I hadn't experienced any arousal during my rape, if my healing would have been more 'normal.' If I wouldn't have started to feel the need to seek it out. I hate that I was raped one time when I was younger, and now... 19 years later... it's like that one rape never really ended.
Some women squeeze and throb during arousal, and this feeling adds to the humiliation. I've been raped many times in my life, and I know that on a subconscious level, I attracted those events to myself. As in, deep down, I wanted to experience the intense orgasms again.
Eventually, I became a prostitute. I remember how the lack of control would make the sessions feel 'rape-like.' The feeling of being vulnerable and alone with a stranger in my own home. And then, when he would get close to finishing, I'd imagine how if I suddenly asked him to stop, he wouldn't.
I can't see/hear the word rape without my body starting to respond. Not a single day passes where my mind doesn't re-live the feeling of orgasm during rape. Sometimes, I masturbate to it to try to free it. It will work for a little while, but then the craving will come back. Sometimes I wonder if I hadn't experienced any arousal during my rape, if my healing would have been more 'normal.' If I wouldn't have started to feel the need to seek it out. I hate that I was raped one time when I was younger, and now... 19 years later... it's like that one rape never really ended.
