ElySioNs
Mercenary
- Joined
- Feb 7, 2021
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I met someone online in November, and we agreed to have a one night stand. He came over to my house and raped me.
I met him outside and, despite noticing that he wasn't very attentive at what I was saying, and that he was extremely persistent, I let him in. As we got into the door, immediately he kissed me, very aggressively. I didn't respond, and he asked me "Do you like me?", to which I answered "I don't know you". I wasn't prepared to being kissed like that.
We were alone in the house and, as we got to my bedroom, things quickly got out of hand. I was still undressing, and he laid on the bed and pulled me on top of him. I tried getting up, but he grabbed me by the hair and forced himself inside me. I told him to stop and not pull my hair and stood on the side of the bed, trying to recover.
As I was telling to him that I needed a minute, he kept talking over me repeating "maybe you lay down", and simply got up and placed himself behind me, tripped me and pushed me face down on the bed, and forced himself in me again. i didn't even finish my sentence. I tried to grab his penis to stop him, hoping that would get his attention, but I only managed to say "you're too forceful" before he grabbed my arm away and folded it behind my back and said "I'm not too forceful", in complete denial. I kept protesting, and he simply grabbed my hair again with the other hand and pulled hard, and now I was really afraid that I could get hurt, and I knew I could not stop him, so I tried to brace myself.
He was incredibly aggressive and completely self-absorbed, and he raped me. I was an object to him. I felt ashamed and scared, and I stopped resisting. When I stopped resisting I started to enjoy it. Suddenly it was the best thing. He fell out a couple times and just climbed back in, grabbed my breasts and went back into the same impossible pace. I had an orgasm and he came. At least he wore a condom.
He sat quietly against the head of the bed for a moment, and then looked at me and asked me again: "Do you like me?". I thought that was a really strange question to ask. I was in a haze. I wasn't even angry anymore, just submitted. I gave him the same answer: "I don't know you".
We briefly spoke for a few more minutes, but I was very mechanical in my answers. Then he asked me "are you free tomorrow" (No) and left, not even giving me a second look at the door. Only after he left I started to process everything that happened.
He kept trying to contact me, stalked me - thankfully only via social media - and I told him I want nothing to do with him in all the variety of tones from the angry and confused to the let-me-politely-explain-I-am-not-interested to the "I have a boyfriend" card to finally completely ignoring his messages. Six months have passed, and he still occasionally finds me on socials and contacts me. He says he loves me.
It wouldn't bother me much now, because it's harmless. But the truth is that I've wanted him to do it again since that very same day. Every time I hear from him a part of me wants to invite him over, and six months later I've forgotten enough about how ugly it was to feel a growing pull towards him. He messaged me to day, and I left his messages unseen. I want him to come over and do it again.
I don't understand, and I don't really know what to do. Rationally I know this is crazy, but the desire I have for him is not rational and it keeps growing. I want to answer him.
What do you folks think? Anybody felt like this before? How do I deal?
-- Throwaway account for privacy
I met him outside and, despite noticing that he wasn't very attentive at what I was saying, and that he was extremely persistent, I let him in. As we got into the door, immediately he kissed me, very aggressively. I didn't respond, and he asked me "Do you like me?", to which I answered "I don't know you". I wasn't prepared to being kissed like that.
We were alone in the house and, as we got to my bedroom, things quickly got out of hand. I was still undressing, and he laid on the bed and pulled me on top of him. I tried getting up, but he grabbed me by the hair and forced himself inside me. I told him to stop and not pull my hair and stood on the side of the bed, trying to recover.
As I was telling to him that I needed a minute, he kept talking over me repeating "maybe you lay down", and simply got up and placed himself behind me, tripped me and pushed me face down on the bed, and forced himself in me again. i didn't even finish my sentence. I tried to grab his penis to stop him, hoping that would get his attention, but I only managed to say "you're too forceful" before he grabbed my arm away and folded it behind my back and said "I'm not too forceful", in complete denial. I kept protesting, and he simply grabbed my hair again with the other hand and pulled hard, and now I was really afraid that I could get hurt, and I knew I could not stop him, so I tried to brace myself.
He was incredibly aggressive and completely self-absorbed, and he raped me. I was an object to him. I felt ashamed and scared, and I stopped resisting. When I stopped resisting I started to enjoy it. Suddenly it was the best thing. He fell out a couple times and just climbed back in, grabbed my breasts and went back into the same impossible pace. I had an orgasm and he came. At least he wore a condom.
He sat quietly against the head of the bed for a moment, and then looked at me and asked me again: "Do you like me?". I thought that was a really strange question to ask. I was in a haze. I wasn't even angry anymore, just submitted. I gave him the same answer: "I don't know you".
We briefly spoke for a few more minutes, but I was very mechanical in my answers. Then he asked me "are you free tomorrow" (No) and left, not even giving me a second look at the door. Only after he left I started to process everything that happened.
He kept trying to contact me, stalked me - thankfully only via social media - and I told him I want nothing to do with him in all the variety of tones from the angry and confused to the let-me-politely-explain-I-am-not-interested to the "I have a boyfriend" card to finally completely ignoring his messages. Six months have passed, and he still occasionally finds me on socials and contacts me. He says he loves me.
It wouldn't bother me much now, because it's harmless. But the truth is that I've wanted him to do it again since that very same day. Every time I hear from him a part of me wants to invite him over, and six months later I've forgotten enough about how ugly it was to feel a growing pull towards him. He messaged me to day, and I left his messages unseen. I want him to come over and do it again.
I don't understand, and I don't really know what to do. Rationally I know this is crazy, but the desire I have for him is not rational and it keeps growing. I want to answer him.
What do you folks think? Anybody felt like this before? How do I deal?
-- Throwaway account for privacy
