ElySioNs
Mercenary
- Joined
- Feb 7, 2021
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I don't know what to say or do, I just feel like my life is falling apart. Reddit please help.
Three weeks ago My apartment was broken into by 4 strangers, my girlfriend was sleeping over. It was an awful, horrific long night, and she witnessed every single thing. 8 hours of prolonged humiliation and abuse.
These 4 strangers destroyed me. They shredded every bit of self-esteem and sanity I had. After the hell they put me through, they simply left me there. bleeding heavily and stunned. My girlfriend was tied up screaming, but I didn't move. It took me a while to comprehend that this is now my reality and eventually get up.
Weeks later, I am paranoid, unable to look at my reflection without feeling disgust, and I spend my time in my university lectures thinking about ending my life. I didn't tell a single soul about this because I feel so ashamed. I feel pathetic and weak. My girlfriend is the only one that knows, though everyone around has been telling me I've been ignoring them lately and calling me an asshole for it, yet I don't care. I just feel numb. I want to die, but I'm too afraid to say it out loud. That night they not only violently violated me, but they took something from me, a piece of my soul.
Anyways, ever since that night my girlfriend has been acting different. she treats me differently, touches me differently, and most importantly she looks at me differently. A few days ago while we were sitting together, she told me that it's alright if this experience turns me "gay" and that we don't have to continue dating. this is coming from a 19 year old girl that has common sense, it all just made me feel really bad. It just reflected how after all this, how disgusting I feel was valid, that I am gross in her eyes now.
Today is my birthday, I turn 20. I bailed on all the plans and decided to spend it alone. I'm sitting at home drinking alcohol and thinking about bashing my goddamn face in. I just feel alone in a way I never felt before. I just never thought this is where I'd be, that this would be my life.
I hope I'm posting this in the correct place, I've only had Reddit when I was younger. thanks for listening for whoever is out there. Hopefully I'll feel better for writing this.
UPDATE 1: Two of the assailants were caught by the police today. I’ll post a more detailed update in the next few days. Thank you everyone for this support.
UPDATE 2: sorry I’m late with this, I’ve just been going through a lot. I’m gonna try to give everyone a bit of closure on everything that’s went down. The four assailants were part of a sex trafficking gang that my shitty dad got involved with and owed a lot of money. I’m not comfortable sharing the details of this specific aspect, but I hope this general explanation is enough. Two of them were caught and will be most likely going to prison as they plead guilty to avoid a trial. I’m currently trying to get myself together, but things have been getting worse and worse mentally. I’ve been going to gym, jogging and trying my best to not lose it, I didn’t start therapy, but I’m considering it.
Me and my girlfriend broke up and there’s no bad blood. I just need to focus on myself.
And again, thank you everyone for the immense support you’ve given me. You have no idea how much it saved me and made me feel a little less alone. Thank you.
Three weeks ago My apartment was broken into by 4 strangers, my girlfriend was sleeping over. It was an awful, horrific long night, and she witnessed every single thing. 8 hours of prolonged humiliation and abuse.
These 4 strangers destroyed me. They shredded every bit of self-esteem and sanity I had. After the hell they put me through, they simply left me there. bleeding heavily and stunned. My girlfriend was tied up screaming, but I didn't move. It took me a while to comprehend that this is now my reality and eventually get up.
Weeks later, I am paranoid, unable to look at my reflection without feeling disgust, and I spend my time in my university lectures thinking about ending my life. I didn't tell a single soul about this because I feel so ashamed. I feel pathetic and weak. My girlfriend is the only one that knows, though everyone around has been telling me I've been ignoring them lately and calling me an asshole for it, yet I don't care. I just feel numb. I want to die, but I'm too afraid to say it out loud. That night they not only violently violated me, but they took something from me, a piece of my soul.
Anyways, ever since that night my girlfriend has been acting different. she treats me differently, touches me differently, and most importantly she looks at me differently. A few days ago while we were sitting together, she told me that it's alright if this experience turns me "gay" and that we don't have to continue dating. this is coming from a 19 year old girl that has common sense, it all just made me feel really bad. It just reflected how after all this, how disgusting I feel was valid, that I am gross in her eyes now.
Today is my birthday, I turn 20. I bailed on all the plans and decided to spend it alone. I'm sitting at home drinking alcohol and thinking about bashing my goddamn face in. I just feel alone in a way I never felt before. I just never thought this is where I'd be, that this would be my life.
I hope I'm posting this in the correct place, I've only had Reddit when I was younger. thanks for listening for whoever is out there. Hopefully I'll feel better for writing this.
UPDATE 1: Two of the assailants were caught by the police today. I’ll post a more detailed update in the next few days. Thank you everyone for this support.
UPDATE 2: sorry I’m late with this, I’ve just been going through a lot. I’m gonna try to give everyone a bit of closure on everything that’s went down. The four assailants were part of a sex trafficking gang that my shitty dad got involved with and owed a lot of money. I’m not comfortable sharing the details of this specific aspect, but I hope this general explanation is enough. Two of them were caught and will be most likely going to prison as they plead guilty to avoid a trial. I’m currently trying to get myself together, but things have been getting worse and worse mentally. I’ve been going to gym, jogging and trying my best to not lose it, I didn’t start therapy, but I’m considering it.
Me and my girlfriend broke up and there’s no bad blood. I just need to focus on myself.
And again, thank you everyone for the immense support you’ve given me. You have no idea how much it saved me and made me feel a little less alone. Thank you.
