Rate my story/writing

[novanova123]

Not related to blackpill but I am really into soccer/futbol and I also kind of like manga/anime so I created my own premise of a soccer story/manga. This is my own soccer anime/manga that I am working on. Their is way more to it then this including the revival round, the selction of players when winning, details on the "Soccer 11 Facillity", and much more. Here is the rough outline and leave ideas for characters, plots, ideas, and more below please.

 

[Gengar]

Terrible. Japanese people use last names first and then first names. So change that.

 

[novanova123]

Terrible. Japanese people use last names first and then first names. So change that.

Is it actually bad? Well the thing is there are more details that make it more interesting that I didn't include

 

[Gengar]

Is it actually bad? Well the thing is there are more details that make it more interesting that I didn't include

No, I just was basing it off of the names being used in the wrong order.