[Reddit] Muslimcel virgin 25-year-old woman is fed up of being a virgin

[Xangsane]

 

[Xangsane]

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r/TrueOffMyChest•16 days ago
FallPsychological333

I am a 25 yo virgin and it's starting to get to me​

I (25f) have never been in a real relationship. It's starting to get to me, even though I do know there's "nothing" wrong with me. From the outside, when people look at me, they seem to think my life is awesome : I'm an architect, rent my own place in an awesome neighbourhood in one of the most beautiful cities in the world, have many great friends, am close with my family, make enough money to live a good life. I'm not partying in clubs 24/7 but go out for drinks at least 3 days a week. People tell me I'm a great person ; that I'm kind, generous, ambitious, and interesting. People do find me pretty; and I have a great sense of style, which helps, I guess, with the impression I convey. It looks like I seem really confident even though i'm full of insecurities ; my girlfriends always tell me i'm so at ease in public i could seem intimidating, but not in a bad way. My male friends (they all see me as their little sister even tho some of them are younger then me) tell me i'm awesome and are so protective of me, and don't understand why my dating life is such a disaster. I know I have a great sense of humour, I speak four languages, and I love spending my free time reading all kind of books (from feminist essays to cheesy romance).
But I feel so lonely seeing my friends get in relationships, some of them getting married or engaged, when i seem to not even capture one's interest. Or at least, not in a genuine way.
I come from a muslim background and culture (think kinda like Maria from Love is Blind UK). My culture is really important to me, but my family, even though we practice really seriously our religion, is not conservative at all, except when it comes to sex i would say. For years, during high school, i thought i would wait for marriage. When I turned 20, I realised I didn't believe in waiting. As long as I feel safe, secure, in love and truly loved in a relationship, waiting doesn't matter to me. The thing is, I NEVER met anyone who even respected me. I've tried it all : tinder, bumble, hinge. for years. I tried meeting people in real life, flirting with boys in bars or clubs. In real life, it never worked. Noone even comes to me to ask for my number. I've went on a couple dates with multiple men from the appas. It's always the same : they seem really interested at first, by text and during the first date. But when I deny them sex (and don't even tell them I'm a virgin; I'm always honest about looking for a serious relationship and that I wanna take my time before crossing that line), they either reject me and want nothing to do with me anymore, or try to convince me (or force my consent) to have sex with them. Two of them stood out, and we were exclusive for a couple months each time : we also did hook up (not going all in tho). The first one did love me : he was a HUGE avoidant and got scared two months in. The second one was a narcissist who entertained multiple relationships, pretented to be exclusive and in love with every one of us, hooked up with everyone unprotected, and was a complete abuser, violent and all. I can say I dodged a bullet each time, I guess.
But that's all. I don't mind being a virgin because I want to feel safe and secure and it never happened with anyone. But people don't understand it; men don't get why when I tell them. They don't understand how i can be a practising muslim but okay with having sex; they don't understand how i could be okay with having sex but still a virgin. And as the years pass by, I can't help but wonder : will I ever feel loved someday? I can't even project myself in a relationship because i don't know what it feels like. What if the years pass by, and I find myself in this same situation when I'm 30, 35... I understand how someone who has never been in a relationship and never had sex can frighten. I understand that men i could date would think "something must be wrong with her, it's weird". I've put myself out there, and continue to do so; it just doesn't seem to work out for me. And it makes me feel so lonely... I'm not alone, but I don't have a life partner. It's just not the same with friends and siblings: you live parallel lives and share everything, but you don't do life TOGETHER.
I'm starting to lose hope. And feel shame.

 

[gooner23]

Back

Go to TrueOffMyChest
r/TrueOffMyChest•16 days ago
FallPsychological333

I am a 25 yo virgin and it's starting to get to me​

I (25f) have never been in a real relationship. It's starting to get to me, even though I do know there's "nothing" wrong with me. From the outside, when people look at me, they seem to think my life is awesome : I'm an architect, rent my own place in an awesome neighbourhood in one of the most beautiful cities in the world, have many great friends, am close with my family, make enough money to live a good life. I'm not partying in clubs 24/7 but go out for drinks at least 3 days a week. People tell me I'm a great person ; that I'm kind, generous, ambitious, and interesting. People do find me pretty; and I have a great sense of style, which helps, I guess, with the impression I convey. It looks like I seem really confident even though i'm full of insecurities ; my girlfriends always tell me i'm so at ease in public i could seem intimidating, but not in a bad way. My male friends (they all see me as their little sister even tho some of them are younger then me) tell me i'm awesome and are so protective of me, and don't understand why my dating life is such a disaster. I know I have a great sense of humour, I speak four languages, and I love spending my free time reading all kind of books (from feminist essays to cheesy romance).
But I feel so lonely seeing my friends get in relationships, some of them getting married or engaged, when i seem to not even capture one's interest. Or at least, not in a genuine way.
I come from a muslim background and culture (think kinda like Maria from Love is Blind UK). My culture is really important to me, but my family, even though we practice really seriously our religion, is not conservative at all, except when it comes to sex i would say. For years, during high school, i thought i would wait for marriage. When I turned 20, I realised I didn't believe in waiting. As long as I feel safe, secure, in love and truly loved in a relationship, waiting doesn't matter to me. The thing is, I NEVER met anyone who even respected me. I've tried it all : tinder, bumble, hinge. for years. I tried meeting people in real life, flirting with boys in bars or clubs. In real life, it never worked. Noone even comes to me to ask for my number. I've went on a couple dates with multiple men from the appas. It's always the same : they seem really interested at first, by text and during the first date. But when I deny them sex (and don't even tell them I'm a virgin; I'm always honest about looking for a serious relationship and that I wanna take my time before crossing that line), they either reject me and want nothing to do with me anymore, or try to convince me (or force my consent) to have sex with them. Two of them stood out, and we were exclusive for a couple months each time : we also did hook up (not going all in tho). The first one did love me : he was a HUGE avoidant and got scared two months in. The second one was a narcissist who entertained multiple relationships, pretented to be exclusive and in love with every one of us, hooked up with everyone unprotected, and was a complete abuser, violent and all. I can say I dodged a bullet each time, I guess.
But that's all. I don't mind being a virgin because I want to feel safe and secure and it never happened with anyone. But people don't understand it; men don't get why when I tell them. They don't understand how i can be a practising muslim but okay with having sex; they don't understand how i could be okay with having sex but still a virgin. And as the years pass by, I can't help but wonder : will I ever feel loved someday? I can't even project myself in a relationship because i don't know what it feels like. What if the years pass by, and I find myself in this same situation when I'm 30, 35... I understand how someone who has never been in a relationship and never had sex can frighten. I understand that men i could date would think "something must be wrong with her, it's weird". I've put myself out there, and continue to do so; it just doesn't seem to work out for me. And it makes me feel so lonely... I'm not alone, but I don't have a life partner. It's just not the same with friends and siblings: you live parallel lives and share everything, but you don't do life TOGETHER.
I'm starting to lose hope. And feel shame.

would you?

 

[raabla]

astaghfirullah

 

[Pikabro]

She seems very confused.

 

[saafiir fan]

would you?

paper bag should do the trick

 

[raabla]

I know I have a great sense of humour, I speak four languages, and I love spending my free time reading all kind of books (from feminist essays to cheesy romance).

LARP

 

[Shahnameh]

The absolute state of modern muslim women JFL