BigJimsWornOutTires
Kraken
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This morning, I laid in bed watching a rat struggle in a trap at the corner of the room. His brains, well, I think it was, hung out of its mouth as it tried chewing the metal jaw. Ugh. Fucking rats. A day off at home. Actually, every day's a day off thanks to a glitch in the time continuum. So I decide to make the best of this headache and head out to pick up a hooker at a nearby crack motel. But before I do, I'll give a friend, from the past, or would it be the future? Ugh. A call. Yonnie. That Yonnie could suck a man dry while being plowed behind and still be horny later. I wonder what she's doing. So I call and a woman answers. "Hello?"
"Yo, where the fuck that Yonnie at?" I ask the caller.
"Excuse me? Who is this?" She replied.
"Who me? Who the fuck are you?"
"Um, I'm her wife, asshole."
Ugh, boogers. Of course. I thought to myself. Yonnie was a dumb enough whore to entertain such, but a survivor nevertheless...as to a backstabbing little cunt that would steal your wallet while you slept. So why not satisfy another's delusion while reaping the benefits of a cash supply. I had to make sure my gut instinct was correct.
"I bet you gots that money, uh, Butch?"
No one replied. As if crickets entered the realm. She'd hung up. Ugh, double-decker boogers. Oh, well. I tried. So I head out in search of pussy. But something extraordinary happened along the way. It was a woman in a red dress standing on the side of the highway. She smiled. Then flicked the bird at me. Ugh, 2021.
I pull over to see what her problem was. But there was no car in need of service. We're in the wild of the woods. Not many houses or farms either around this neck. Suspiciousness crept up on me as I edged toward her.
"Yo, what up, lil mama! Looking fine as fuck! Word." I politically greet her. She gestures another smirk back. Flicks me off again.
FUCK! This bitch crazy! I ponder to myself. But like grandpappy once said, "A hoe is a hoe. Doesn't matter who she is. Where she from. A hoe is a hoe. Which is opportunity. Never allow opportunity to slide by. You slide in before she slides by. Now get me my glass rose from over there and slide yo ass out my storage unit!"
Suddenly, she pursued me.
"Um. I was wondering. Can you fuck off? I'm searching for answers, and you are not one of them." She said as she shook her head and gazed down at my two Cadillacs.
"Whooooaa! I know you be crazy already - standing alone in the middle of the woods looking so fine - but do you really want to speak to me in such a way? How you know I ain't some deranged rapist or some shit?" I assured her as I grasped my shaft, showcasing its size. But she didn't look. Instead. Rolled her eyes. Nod her head. And poof! She vanished.
What the fuck that about! I was astonished by such an impossibility, but not impressed. Probably something to do with the glitch. Ugh.
I chose to hang up the pussy venture and engage the Arc. I alert Lil Hoe from inside my head; she's an artificial intelligence program from another time. Which is another story I rather not tell yet. "Engage the Arc." I command.
I find myself having sex with a woman. As I penetrate myself deep inside this wet and tight wonder, she says, "Oh, boy." So I pound her harder as I lock her hips and waist with my hands and arms. She reaches around and grabs at my shaft and bellows, "I'm Dr. Sam Becket! Stop!" But ugh, I didn't care what the fuck she had to say. I'm going to cum. So I punched that shit even harder! Each thrust paired with a grunt. Ugh-Ugh-Ugh-Ugh. She starts repeating what she said earlier, but rapidly, "Oh boy..oh boy...oh boy...oh boy." BOOM! Exploded inside her. Although I didn't want to stay for pillow talk and alerted the tiny woman inside my head to reengage.
"Wow. That was pretty selfish of you, Captain Kray-Kray," sarcastically, she implied. But I didn't want to hear it.
"ENGAGE THE ARC!" I insisted. And poof! I vanish again. Reappeared on a familiar bed. I look over at the corner of the room and there's that rat again. Same fucking rat. Ugh. Damn. My phone rings. I answer with a greeting, "Yeah."
"This is Al, we need to talk."
REBOOT OF QUANTUM LEAP - COMING SOON TO NETFLIX.
"Yo, where the fuck that Yonnie at?" I ask the caller.
"Excuse me? Who is this?" She replied.
"Who me? Who the fuck are you?"
"Um, I'm her wife, asshole."
Ugh, boogers. Of course. I thought to myself. Yonnie was a dumb enough whore to entertain such, but a survivor nevertheless...as to a backstabbing little cunt that would steal your wallet while you slept. So why not satisfy another's delusion while reaping the benefits of a cash supply. I had to make sure my gut instinct was correct.
"I bet you gots that money, uh, Butch?"
No one replied. As if crickets entered the realm. She'd hung up. Ugh, double-decker boogers. Oh, well. I tried. So I head out in search of pussy. But something extraordinary happened along the way. It was a woman in a red dress standing on the side of the highway. She smiled. Then flicked the bird at me. Ugh, 2021.
I pull over to see what her problem was. But there was no car in need of service. We're in the wild of the woods. Not many houses or farms either around this neck. Suspiciousness crept up on me as I edged toward her.
"Yo, what up, lil mama! Looking fine as fuck! Word." I politically greet her. She gestures another smirk back. Flicks me off again.
FUCK! This bitch crazy! I ponder to myself. But like grandpappy once said, "A hoe is a hoe. Doesn't matter who she is. Where she from. A hoe is a hoe. Which is opportunity. Never allow opportunity to slide by. You slide in before she slides by. Now get me my glass rose from over there and slide yo ass out my storage unit!"
Suddenly, she pursued me.
"Um. I was wondering. Can you fuck off? I'm searching for answers, and you are not one of them." She said as she shook her head and gazed down at my two Cadillacs.
"Whooooaa! I know you be crazy already - standing alone in the middle of the woods looking so fine - but do you really want to speak to me in such a way? How you know I ain't some deranged rapist or some shit?" I assured her as I grasped my shaft, showcasing its size. But she didn't look. Instead. Rolled her eyes. Nod her head. And poof! She vanished.
What the fuck that about! I was astonished by such an impossibility, but not impressed. Probably something to do with the glitch. Ugh.
I chose to hang up the pussy venture and engage the Arc. I alert Lil Hoe from inside my head; she's an artificial intelligence program from another time. Which is another story I rather not tell yet. "Engage the Arc." I command.
I find myself having sex with a woman. As I penetrate myself deep inside this wet and tight wonder, she says, "Oh, boy." So I pound her harder as I lock her hips and waist with my hands and arms. She reaches around and grabs at my shaft and bellows, "I'm Dr. Sam Becket! Stop!" But ugh, I didn't care what the fuck she had to say. I'm going to cum. So I punched that shit even harder! Each thrust paired with a grunt. Ugh-Ugh-Ugh-Ugh. She starts repeating what she said earlier, but rapidly, "Oh boy..oh boy...oh boy...oh boy." BOOM! Exploded inside her. Although I didn't want to stay for pillow talk and alerted the tiny woman inside my head to reengage.
"Wow. That was pretty selfish of you, Captain Kray-Kray," sarcastically, she implied. But I didn't want to hear it.
"ENGAGE THE ARC!" I insisted. And poof! I vanish again. Reappeared on a familiar bed. I look over at the corner of the room and there's that rat again. Same fucking rat. Ugh. Damn. My phone rings. I answer with a greeting, "Yeah."
"This is Al, we need to talk."
REBOOT OF QUANTUM LEAP - COMING SOON TO NETFLIX.
