BigJimsWornOutTires
Kraken
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Respecting other people's views and criticism is my utmost mission. Distinct tastes, different desires, and contrasting expectations remind us of our humanity. Honoring other writers, talented entertainers, and diligent, hardworking Hollywood studios, I will refrain from my asshole aspect this one time.
With that said, all three flicks are colossal piles of shit, except the latter, which showcases Demi Moore's flabby ass and Margaret Qualley's (The Leftovers) suspiciously large titties. Following that, there's the distortion with camera tricks hindering her flat ass. Finally, yikes, that sweaty mutt. I felt that I was cheating on my girlfriend because I could taste the rotten crotch in my mouth—not something I would rewatch. That's for sure. She should've gone all the way, though, and opened those flaps, Penthouse style. Show the world how deep Hollywood made her. SPOILER: Demi's deeper. Without further ado, let's review each one with appropriate, humble, and impartial judgment.
A Fucking Joke
The Joker movie part two was dull, retarded, and undeserving of another mention. We know how the first installment concluded with a heroic cliffhanger. Yet, the second one suggested otherwise. I felt the writers wanted viewers to feel a heavy slap across their faces. If you're thinking, "What dipshits," I'm with you there, brother.
However, after suffering through the debacle with an urge to inject Haldol into the writers (Scott Silver and Todd Phillips), I get it. With my epic craftsmanship, this script would be an overqualified masterpiece. I would give Arthur what he deserved—justice and freedom, along with Harley Quinn's tits exposed.
Furthermore, I would avoid killing Bruce Wayne's parents during his adolescent years. Sick, heartless writers! Instead, they would be abusive—José and Mary Louise "Kitty" Wayne. We'll see sad scenes of little Bruce getting punched in the gut by his alcoholic father. "This will make you a leader, boy!" We see another scene of Pops telling Bruce to go inside his room while he unfastens his pants. A moment later, Mrs. Wayne goes to their locked door and hears the terrifying abuse. With her back against the wall, she shakes her head. Slapping her wrist to get a vein erected, she injects a syringe into it. Sliding down to a seat, her eyes go white.
In his adulthood, Bruce Wayne flinches at people during conversations. Ugh, he's all fucked up in the head. One night, he crosses paths with the emaciated clown during irresponsible drinking. He shares too much personal information with him. "Your dad did what to you?" Disturbed by the college kid's testimony of sexual abuse, Arthur reacted, "You rich people are the strangest clowns in Gotham."
Days later, together, Bruce and Arthur gun down the parents in the Wayne Manor. However, the jester would tell his shrink, Lee Quinzel (Harley Quinn) a much different version of events.
After a guffaw, Arthur exaggerates to her, "I begged him not to do it! I said, 'Bruce Wayne, don't gun down your parents!' He aimed the shotgun at me and said, "I am the Destroyer of Worlds." Gaped mouth, Quinzel was shocked. After he left her office, she quickly relayed the information to Detective Gordon. They attempt to arrest the wealthy murderer, but he gets away through a tunnel under his mansion that leads to Gaza, Gotham.
In time, Bruce learns that Arthur snitched on him. He says, "I will get revenge," with his hand girdling a bat's neck. "I will become the Bat Man!" He bites the head off. From that day forward, they became worldly adversaries. And the way my Batman fights, he uses 9MM pistols, double-barrel shotguns, and prison shanks.
Back to this pile of shit, Lady Gaga stained the funny man's character with her apathetic poppycock. She shouldn't act in anything irrelevant to pornography. Let's face it, she belongs in fuck films, not DC Comics. I would've given Quinzel's role to Scarlett Johansson. We all know she would've shown some ass in an R-rated project.
On an accompanying note, I understand the writers' arrogant mockery of the schizophrenics they entail, making us appear dangerous to society. But getting this emotionally invested in the alienation illustrates a dipshit mentality and makes the film politically foolish, rather fictional and fantastic.
Beetleshit
Michael Keaton's pile of shit was equally stupid and undeserving of another mention. The headquarters gang did give me a chuckle-ugh, for a moment. For a clarified visualization, if you heard the chuckle-ugh, you'll think I was clearing my throat.
Jenna Ortega's leading role was horrible. They raw-dogged the fuck of her potential. Put Astrid in state custody in a mental institution, make it realistic! A child growing up with a junkie mom who talks to invisible entities? Come on, Hollywood, sell it!
Moreover, I would've brought back the Alex Baldwin and Geena Davis characters and had them save the day. As for Danny DeVito, I would've made the janitor an old perverted faggot since he supports LGBT.
We know why they made this film... teetees!
Finally, The Substance. Ugh, so much old lady ass and tits galore. And those nipple steeps on Demi Moore! Motherfuckers lost the battle against gravity. On the other hand, Qualley's breast implants are egregiously obvious. Her buttons don't match the booby volume. But I see why she stripped for the role. Better today than Demi Moore later.
In conclusion, Hollywood is failing with the writers they keep hiring. But that's marvelous because it gives me a reason to avoid wasting my life watching their garbage.
With that said, all three flicks are colossal piles of shit, except the latter, which showcases Demi Moore's flabby ass and Margaret Qualley's (The Leftovers) suspiciously large titties. Following that, there's the distortion with camera tricks hindering her flat ass. Finally, yikes, that sweaty mutt. I felt that I was cheating on my girlfriend because I could taste the rotten crotch in my mouth—not something I would rewatch. That's for sure. She should've gone all the way, though, and opened those flaps, Penthouse style. Show the world how deep Hollywood made her. SPOILER: Demi's deeper. Without further ado, let's review each one with appropriate, humble, and impartial judgment.
A Fucking Joke
The Joker movie part two was dull, retarded, and undeserving of another mention. We know how the first installment concluded with a heroic cliffhanger. Yet, the second one suggested otherwise. I felt the writers wanted viewers to feel a heavy slap across their faces. If you're thinking, "What dipshits," I'm with you there, brother.
However, after suffering through the debacle with an urge to inject Haldol into the writers (Scott Silver and Todd Phillips), I get it. With my epic craftsmanship, this script would be an overqualified masterpiece. I would give Arthur what he deserved—justice and freedom, along with Harley Quinn's tits exposed.
Furthermore, I would avoid killing Bruce Wayne's parents during his adolescent years. Sick, heartless writers! Instead, they would be abusive—José and Mary Louise "Kitty" Wayne. We'll see sad scenes of little Bruce getting punched in the gut by his alcoholic father. "This will make you a leader, boy!" We see another scene of Pops telling Bruce to go inside his room while he unfastens his pants. A moment later, Mrs. Wayne goes to their locked door and hears the terrifying abuse. With her back against the wall, she shakes her head. Slapping her wrist to get a vein erected, she injects a syringe into it. Sliding down to a seat, her eyes go white.
In his adulthood, Bruce Wayne flinches at people during conversations. Ugh, he's all fucked up in the head. One night, he crosses paths with the emaciated clown during irresponsible drinking. He shares too much personal information with him. "Your dad did what to you?" Disturbed by the college kid's testimony of sexual abuse, Arthur reacted, "You rich people are the strangest clowns in Gotham."
Days later, together, Bruce and Arthur gun down the parents in the Wayne Manor. However, the jester would tell his shrink, Lee Quinzel (Harley Quinn) a much different version of events.
After a guffaw, Arthur exaggerates to her, "I begged him not to do it! I said, 'Bruce Wayne, don't gun down your parents!' He aimed the shotgun at me and said, "I am the Destroyer of Worlds." Gaped mouth, Quinzel was shocked. After he left her office, she quickly relayed the information to Detective Gordon. They attempt to arrest the wealthy murderer, but he gets away through a tunnel under his mansion that leads to Gaza, Gotham.
In time, Bruce learns that Arthur snitched on him. He says, "I will get revenge," with his hand girdling a bat's neck. "I will become the Bat Man!" He bites the head off. From that day forward, they became worldly adversaries. And the way my Batman fights, he uses 9MM pistols, double-barrel shotguns, and prison shanks.
Back to this pile of shit, Lady Gaga stained the funny man's character with her apathetic poppycock. She shouldn't act in anything irrelevant to pornography. Let's face it, she belongs in fuck films, not DC Comics. I would've given Quinzel's role to Scarlett Johansson. We all know she would've shown some ass in an R-rated project.
On an accompanying note, I understand the writers' arrogant mockery of the schizophrenics they entail, making us appear dangerous to society. But getting this emotionally invested in the alienation illustrates a dipshit mentality and makes the film politically foolish, rather fictional and fantastic.
Beetleshit
Michael Keaton's pile of shit was equally stupid and undeserving of another mention. The headquarters gang did give me a chuckle-ugh, for a moment. For a clarified visualization, if you heard the chuckle-ugh, you'll think I was clearing my throat.
Jenna Ortega's leading role was horrible. They raw-dogged the fuck of her potential. Put Astrid in state custody in a mental institution, make it realistic! A child growing up with a junkie mom who talks to invisible entities? Come on, Hollywood, sell it!
Moreover, I would've brought back the Alex Baldwin and Geena Davis characters and had them save the day. As for Danny DeVito, I would've made the janitor an old perverted faggot since he supports LGBT.
We know why they made this film... teetees!
Finally, The Substance. Ugh, so much old lady ass and tits galore. And those nipple steeps on Demi Moore! Motherfuckers lost the battle against gravity. On the other hand, Qualley's breast implants are egregiously obvious. Her buttons don't match the booby volume. But I see why she stripped for the role. Better today than Demi Moore later.
In conclusion, Hollywood is failing with the writers they keep hiring. But that's marvelous because it gives me a reason to avoid wasting my life watching their garbage.
Last edited:
; 3/10, they butchered the edge. Beetlejuice? 2/10, nostalgia-bait garbage. The Substance? Negative 5/10, pointless visuals hiding shallow writing.
