marzy
Iron
- Joined
- Apr 10, 2025
- Posts
- 36
- Reputation
- 29
i have lost every single person i have ever had a close bond with, and i now have 0 friends irl or online. the loneliness feels like a screaming wound and i am tired of being a invisible nobody. i just want to develop a deep connection with somebody and feel like i matter to them. i haven’t had any friends since i was 15, and i am now 20. i actually did have 1 irl friend recently for half a year and we were close but after i moved city’s a couple of months ago our friendship fell apart and i am now all alone again. i’m also doing bad in school right now, and i haven’t been employed since moving. i also have bad habits that are negatively impacting my life, and i don’t have that close of a relationship with my family. i keep clinging onto my ex-girlfriend in my head for comfort and salvation, but she’s gone, and she’s been my ex for a couple of years now. i was the one who broke up with her because i didn’t feel worthy of her. it was also due to me starting to really hate myself and becoming an avoidant type of person. i contacted her again a couple of months ago, after not talking to her since we broke up 3’ish years ago but things did not go well, and it’s all my fault. she told me i hurt her badly for two years by breaking up with her out of nowhere and going ghost, and then things later just fell apart. keep in mind she would continue to text me and call me for years after we broke up and i would just not respond to it because of my stupid avoidant complex and all the other issues i had going on even though i would yearn for her a lot and really wanted to be apart of her life again. i ruined a perfectly good relationship with a girl i really love, and it won’t stop haunting me. i regret my decisions and miss her so much, and she’s been living inside of my head ever since we broke up. lately i’ve been thinking about her and our memories nonstop. the last time i truly felt alive was when me and her were together. my life was bad before but i feel like breaking up with her was the last straw for my life, because ever since i lost her, my life has further deteriorated in every aspect.
