soulless_npc
angels & demons
- Joined
- Jan 24, 2023
- Posts
- 2,388
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I can't go out in public without seeing some oofy doofy zoomer kid, years my junior, with at least one if not two young jbs in tow the lucky sonbitch, talking out of his ass and trying to sound cool and them giggling and eating up every word like the dumb bitches they are. Then they go home and his lucky ass gets a threesome or whatever.
It infuriates me and reminds me of what I didn't get and what passed me by, prime high school years with no responsibility before you have to get a job and "hustle" and shit when you can just slack off and get laid during the summertime. This is what you should get to do when you're a kid. This is what I should have done. But somewhere along the line my timeline got sabotaged and skewed into an alternate reality, a hellscape where I'm 29 and my youth is fading and I'm now gross to young girls and I have wageslaved away a healthy body, a healthy mind, and my time for nothing. My soul is being consumed by envy and sadness and anger.
This is probably why I can't go back to college because it would be this 1000x. I get visibly frantic and manic when I get triggered by shit like this because it has been going on for so long it's an open wound. I tense up and my fists clench and I'm just waiting to get put on blast or have to engage in a battle of the wits because of bulls in a pasture dynamic. Part of me just always wants to nope out of there and relieve myself of my torment, the other half hopes he will start shit with me so I actually get to stand up for myself in front of bitches for once, maybe that's the fix my timeline needs, I have George McFly syndrome. I'm beta male.
But I don't want to go to jail. I need to vanquish Satan and the impulses of evil which lurk deep in my soul and every man's soul or I'm done.
Perhaps I'll just fake my own death and emigrate to Tibet and join a Buddhist retreat for the rest of my days as an ascetic and take a vow of silence, and live a relatively happy, albeit pretty fucking boring ever after.
It infuriates me and reminds me of what I didn't get and what passed me by, prime high school years with no responsibility before you have to get a job and "hustle" and shit when you can just slack off and get laid during the summertime. This is what you should get to do when you're a kid. This is what I should have done. But somewhere along the line my timeline got sabotaged and skewed into an alternate reality, a hellscape where I'm 29 and my youth is fading and I'm now gross to young girls and I have wageslaved away a healthy body, a healthy mind, and my time for nothing. My soul is being consumed by envy and sadness and anger.
This is probably why I can't go back to college because it would be this 1000x. I get visibly frantic and manic when I get triggered by shit like this because it has been going on for so long it's an open wound. I tense up and my fists clench and I'm just waiting to get put on blast or have to engage in a battle of the wits because of bulls in a pasture dynamic. Part of me just always wants to nope out of there and relieve myself of my torment, the other half hopes he will start shit with me so I actually get to stand up for myself in front of bitches for once, maybe that's the fix my timeline needs, I have George McFly syndrome. I'm beta male.
But I don't want to go to jail. I need to vanquish Satan and the impulses of evil which lurk deep in my soul and every man's soul or I'm done.
Perhaps I'll just fake my own death and emigrate to Tibet and join a Buddhist retreat for the rest of my days as an ascetic and take a vow of silence, and live a relatively happy, albeit pretty fucking boring ever after.
