Saved by .org

[ropemaks]

i found .org 2 years ago, back then influenced by the gym culture and was in the process of "dirty bulking"

i was lurking heavily every day for like a month and besides becoming autistic, insanely insecure i still decided to looksmaxx

i only did the basic shit tho like leanmaxxed got my hair right posture trained my jaw and hyoids etc... i decided not to dig any deeper because i thought it was retarded and i wanted to avoid the brutal reality at all costs

4 months later i got lean and i realized, that my body genetics are literally bottom 10% i have wide hips, narrow sloping shoulders with overdeveloped traps due to tension (cooked), and an insanely big chest gap

i was known for being jacked and it was brutal because every time someone complimented me, it reminded me of the reality

so i literally isolated myself from everyone, i was even talking to 2 girls who genuienly liked me but i rejected myself cause i thought i was unlikeable due to my
genetics

everyone knew me for something i was genetically cooked at

idk maybe it saved me from being one of those people that make the gym their entire personality while not being genetically predisposed for it

i just didn't want to be that guy

i accepted the reality that i'll be treated worse by people until the day i die

and it be true irregardless of what i do

so why would i give it even more power

what the fuck i just zoned out for like 2 hours while typing this

why can't i be present

why am i even typing this what the fuck

why am i even on this fucking site

like what am i doing here im supposed to do other things but i just zoned out for 2 hours

my dad is also like this he literally is not present in this world, its like he is disconnected from reality

and his mother is a heavy schizo like literally in a mental hospital

i hope its not.. genetics!

ok whatever im just gonna post this before i zone out again so i can do other things ok dont judge