heightmax
Prodigy
- Joined
- Jul 6, 2025
- Posts
- 3,720
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This is my official goodbye
I’ll be gone for a while, at least until all of this has changed
And this is why…
I wake up everyday at 6:40 after 8:30/9 hours of sleep. I get up and rush to the desk to take my phone in order to check all the notifications I’ve received overnight 
I check .org, Whatsapp and socials).
I go straight to the kitchen to take a fruit (usually a banana), sometimes a coffee and my supplements (creatine, magnesium, potassium… etc.), which I shake in my gym bottle. While I eat I always scroll on Tiktok, (because that shit has penetrated deep into my brain and I now scroll videos anytime all the time) or text here.
Once I’ve finished the fruit I go to the bathroom to start my skincare routine, with some of the supplements still in the shaker to drink while I prepare.
The first step is to put on my 10% benzac, while my skin absorbs it I put my green contacts lenses on, ai brush my teeth and then apply a retinol serum, while this one is getting absorbed I go in my room and I get dressed it’s usually slim fit jeans with a hoodie on, my outfits only change the Tuesdays since i have to wear a tracksuit because i have PE).
After I’m done dressing I head back to the bathroom once again, to put mascara on my eyebrows, to make them a little longer (it works like a brow pencil but with a more natural effect) and concealer for my under eye area.
I then style my hair with a hair-clay (that I bought with my own money because, even tho they want me to ask, asking my parents to give me money is a social interaction I avoid when possible). I started to do a middle part lately because I had a low fade but I let my hair grow since I look better with longer hair.
I put on a pair of shoes and take my bag (which has always the same things in it: two notebooks, I use for all the subjects and my ipad). My dad is awake by now so I greet him avoiding eye contact so he can’t see my green frauded eyes.
As soon as I get out I put on my Airpods to listen to some music (I listen to the same playlist everyday, the usual italian rap and trap that i’ve been to listening for the past 4 months). I take the subway to school since it’s kind of far from home. I go to convalidate my yearly ticket and while I do so I stare at my reflection on the glass in front of the ticket-convalidation machine (since I’m always so insecure about the way I look, reason why I check my hair and face probably 100 times a day).
On the subway I can only hear the music because it’s blasted at maximum volume in my ears, to isolate me from all the people nearby and be able to think, (I’m not even sure about what I think, maybe my oneitis or maybe school I’m about to attend for which I haven’t studied in over a year but somehow still manage to survive with 7s in all the subjects).
After the subway I still have 5 minutes to walk. I started taking another road to school to avoid crowds (also because doing so I can put on my plumping lip balm). As I get close to school I lower the volume of my headphones to the minimum since I’m always worried people could hear and maybe judge what I’m listening to.
I go straight to my class avoiding the main staircase because thats the most crowded place ever (and I don’t like it).
At school time flies, lesson start at 8:00 am and end usually around 1:00 pm, but it always seems like only a couple of hours have passed. There I’m nice to everybody and everybody is nice to me; I really benefit from my looks and it’s easily noticeable.
I just listen and take notes avoiding to talk too much to my classmate sitting next to me (redpilled egoed prodigy-wannabe hmtn) because I’m always lost in my thoughts and I don’t want to stop thinking or will forget about what was on my mind. After the first two lessons (2 hours) we have the first break (we have two 10 minutes breaks at 9:40 and 11:40). I usually get out of the class with two friends of mine to smoke a cigarette or just to talk, in the restroom or around the school.
When we come back to our class I just stare and smile/have a very small talk with my oneitis (because I don’t even care anymore about her, I want my sanity back then I’ll may be able to think about girls).
The same things happens for the rest of the lessons and the second break.
As soon as school ends I rush to the subway station to get home while all my friends and classmates hang out of school for a couple of minutes before coming back home (I find it a complete waste of time so I just go without even saying bye to all of them.)
In the subway the same thing happens, just like in the morning I isolate with headphones while I stare at the reflection in the mirror thinking about all my facial flaws and imperfections. When I arrive home, there’s nobody, both my parents are at work. The first thing I do is to rush to the bathroom to check myself, just then I can take off my shoes and leave the backpack in my room; I put on some home-clothes and remove the colored contact lenses.
I go to the kitchen to grab something to eat which has been piadina (Italian bread similar to a pita or a tortilla) with pre sliced chicken breast/ham for the past month basically. I eat the piadina, without even warming it up, while I scroll on Tiktok. If I’m still hungry after the piadina I eat some plain greek yogurt.
After lunch I jerk off then I either lay on the couch for around 3/4 hours until my mom comes home from work at 6:45 pm: thats when I move to my room to rot once again, or when the maid is home to clean, I just spend all the time in my room and leave just the 10 minutes necessary for her to clean and tidy up my bedroom.
At around 8:30 I have dinner with my parents that always try to make me talk a little even though I genuinely have nothing to say. As soon as I finish eating I come back to my room to rot once again until 9:00/9:30, when I pop melatonin and I do my pm skincare/routine (skinkare or routine meaning it’s not only skincare but it also includes brushing my teeth…etc.). I just lay on the bed with the lights off for half an hour thinking about everything I haven’t done.
Then I fall asleep and cycle repeats, everyday.
In the weekends I just rot and rot all day until 10pm when I go out to smoke weed (even tho it’s a crazy looksmin I’m finding confort in it and that’s enough to justify the downsides)
I check .org, Whatsapp and socials).I go straight to the kitchen to take a fruit (usually a banana), sometimes a coffee and my supplements (creatine, magnesium, potassium… etc.), which I shake in my gym bottle. While I eat I always scroll on Tiktok, (because that shit has penetrated deep into my brain and I now scroll videos anytime all the time) or text here.
Once I’ve finished the fruit I go to the bathroom to start my skincare routine, with some of the supplements still in the shaker to drink while I prepare.
The first step is to put on my 10% benzac, while my skin absorbs it I put my green contacts lenses on, ai brush my teeth and then apply a retinol serum, while this one is getting absorbed I go in my room and I get dressed
it’s usually slim fit jeans with a hoodie on, my outfits only change the Tuesdays since i have to wear a tracksuit because i have PE).After I’m done dressing I head back to the bathroom once again, to put mascara on my eyebrows, to make them a little longer (it works like a brow pencil but with a more natural effect) and concealer for my under eye area.
I then style my hair with a hair-clay (that I bought with my own money because, even tho they want me to ask, asking my parents to give me money is a social interaction I avoid when possible). I started to do a middle part lately because I had a low fade but I let my hair grow since I look better with longer hair.
I put on a pair of shoes and take my bag (which has always the same things in it: two notebooks, I use for all the subjects and my ipad). My dad is awake by now so I greet him avoiding eye contact so he can’t see my green frauded eyes.
As soon as I get out I put on my Airpods to listen to some music (I listen to the same playlist everyday, the usual italian rap and trap that i’ve been to listening for the past 4 months). I take the subway to school since it’s kind of far from home. I go to convalidate my yearly ticket and while I do so I stare at my reflection on the glass in front of the ticket-convalidation machine (since I’m always so insecure about the way I look, reason why I check my hair and face probably 100 times a day).
On the subway I can only hear the music because it’s blasted at maximum volume in my ears, to isolate me from all the people nearby and be able to think, (I’m not even sure about what I think, maybe my oneitis or maybe school I’m about to attend for which I haven’t studied in over a year but somehow still manage to survive with 7s in all the subjects).
After the subway I still have 5 minutes to walk. I started taking another road to school to avoid crowds (also because doing so I can put on my plumping lip balm). As I get close to school I lower the volume of my headphones to the minimum since I’m always worried people could hear and maybe judge what I’m listening to.
I go straight to my class avoiding the main staircase because thats the most crowded place ever (and I don’t like it).
At school time flies, lesson start at 8:00 am and end usually around 1:00 pm, but it always seems like only a couple of hours have passed. There I’m nice to everybody and everybody is nice to me; I really benefit from my looks and it’s easily noticeable.
I just listen and take notes avoiding to talk too much to my classmate sitting next to me (redpilled egoed prodigy-wannabe hmtn) because I’m always lost in my thoughts and I don’t want to stop thinking or will forget about what was on my mind. After the first two lessons (2 hours) we have the first break (we have two 10 minutes breaks at 9:40 and 11:40). I usually get out of the class with two friends of mine to smoke a cigarette or just to talk, in the restroom or around the school.
When we come back to our class I just stare and smile/have a very small talk with my oneitis (because I don’t even care anymore about her, I want my sanity back then I’ll may be able to think about girls).
The same things happens for the rest of the lessons and the second break.
As soon as school ends I rush to the subway station to get home while all my friends and classmates hang out of school for a couple of minutes before coming back home (I find it a complete waste of time so I just go without even saying bye to all of them.)
In the subway the same thing happens, just like in the morning I isolate with headphones while I stare at the reflection in the mirror thinking about all my facial flaws and imperfections. When I arrive home, there’s nobody, both my parents are at work. The first thing I do is to rush to the bathroom to check myself, just then I can take off my shoes and leave the backpack in my room; I put on some home-clothes and remove the colored contact lenses.
I go to the kitchen to grab something to eat which has been piadina (Italian bread similar to a pita or a tortilla) with pre sliced chicken breast/ham for the past month basically. I eat the piadina, without even warming it up, while I scroll on Tiktok. If I’m still hungry after the piadina I eat some plain greek yogurt.
After lunch I jerk off then I either lay on the couch for around 3/4 hours until my mom comes home from work at 6:45 pm: thats when I move to my room to rot once again, or when the maid is home to clean, I just spend all the time in my room and leave just the 10 minutes necessary for her to clean and tidy up my bedroom.
At around 8:30 I have dinner with my parents that always try to make me talk a little even though I genuinely have nothing to say. As soon as I finish eating I come back to my room to rot once again until 9:00/9:30, when I pop melatonin and I do my pm skincare/routine (skinkare or routine meaning it’s not only skincare but it also includes brushing my teeth…etc.). I just lay on the bed with the lights off for half an hour thinking about everything I haven’t done.
Then I fall asleep and cycle repeats, everyday.
In the weekends I just rot and rot all day until 10pm when I go out to smoke weed (even tho it’s a crazy looksmin I’m finding confort in it and that’s enough to justify the downsides)
All I really care about is others validation.
I truly have ascended but I’m still the same neurodivergent kid who can’t even live a full 24 hours day without feeling suicidal,
I’m still the same insicure kid, unable to look people in the eyes, trapped in my own head, coming off as distant, still desperately trying to find myself as I keep changing the way I look, but never the way I am.
Blackpillers will tell you looks is everything that matters but it’s really not
I need to go because I need to stop procrastinating and actually have to put in the work I need to step out of the nd sociopath confort zone.
I want this more than anyone else, I’m ready to take my own life if this situation doesn’t change…
But once again everything will go my way, right?
Goodbye to all my friends here, don’t miss me too much, okay?
(In case y’all do my discord is @8542971)
@Jager @EvilSatanArseRapist @FramePillGymMaxx @tunisianropemaxxer
SEE YOU SOON!
