R
ragnarokagartha
Iron
- Joined
- Jul 21, 2024
- Posts
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I am going insane. I live in a small town on the outskirts of a big city. The only person I ever talk to is my mother. I barely talk to my father since he’s working most times. Although the loneliness is contributing, I’ve never gotten along with people. They always try to act some way because they need approval. Hell, in my country people my age all dress the same. Even as a child I was mostly isolated, I only left my house if my parents forced me to, which could be due to my INTJ personality, but as a result, I am a mostly sociopathic Machiavellian. I had a love interest but I got bored of pretending to care about her dumb stories of her getting bullied at school or her friends leaving her. I doubt what I need is a woman. That would be merely a distraction. Reality is boring, my parents bought me an iPad at 5 years old and ever since then I haven’t put my phone down for more than a day. Until, recently, I don’t even feel good watching YouTube or tiktok anymore. I tried to go on a self improvement journey but I realized that doesn’t even make me happy, i just thought it’d attract more women, something I realize I don’t even want anymore. I was always on the move, pushing friends to do stuff. Eventually even with friends I ran out of stuff to talk about. Then I realized, there is NOTHING to do. I can go on walks, ok but how many days am I just going to take walks where I do nothing? Not even that is entertaining anymore. Even if I go to another part of the city apart from my town I don’t recognize, what’s the point? I’m just gonna stare at more buildings. There’s nothing to find, nothing to explore, nothing to do. Any fun activity you need to buy with money I don’t have. Even if I wanted to really really explore, I’d have to be back by 11 otherwise my parents will call the police. Maybe I can lie and say aim going to a friends house, but who knows if I’ll even find something worthwhile. Ted Kaczinsky was right. As men we need something to fight for, something to find, to gather, for our families. Life is pointless, and I have no meaning. Basically no one does. I’m gonna leave my phone for good, it’s merely a distraction from the sad reality of today. Maybe I’ll go insane from the boredom, but at least then life will be fun. Just hallucinating and not knowing what’s real or fake. Or maybe I’ll do something drastic to change my life. Who knows, I have to try.
