Sometimes I think about killing myself (life rant)

SaiNaz

SaiNaz

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( "sidenote")this is a long life rant and WILL be boring)
Not due to looks or whatnot I'm not horribly ugly but not good looking either I am pretty short tho, its stress my father wants me to become successful in life and obviously that's good he just wants it his way I'm sure any ethnic people probably know about how their parents are always talking about "become doctor yet? :lul:" lol i wouldn't mind being a doctor to bad im just to dumb, id rather been a lawyer but my dad moved me to Egypt (I'm American and Egyptian) he moved me here because when i used to live in US i was lowkey a druggie i was going to stop after that last time he told me to i swear but i guess it was to late funny enough he was most mad at the alcohol and not the weed or cough syrup wouldn't have even been able to imagine his reaction if he found out i took 20 Benadryl pills once that shit was crazy it wasn't even good i felt like a living nightmare -I'm kind of going off topic about my life mb- anyways its exam season and my first exam starts tmr, I HATE exam season because ive never liked studying its obvious its my phone and my dopamine receptors are prob fried or maybe I'm just a dumbass i should mention I learn everything in Arabic but i take the British system problem is Arabic is not my first language, you see where I'm going here? i basically barely understand the subject and go home and slack off which then results in me having bad grades and then my dad would prob beat my ass
I don't really know what Imma do tmr but in the morning ill pop a 200mg of modafinil and maybe a quarter scoop of pre to try and enhance my focus a little bit
brother is a big problem too me and him fight constantly and i think this is a huge toll on my mental health he doesn't beat me up all the time now since ive started to get stronger and im now almost his height and i weigh more than him by like a 1kg, we had a huge fight 2-3 days ago and he broke down the door to my room so now we share rooms the day before this we also had a huge fight in which i said all the things i hate about him he was locked inside the room and wouldn't open the door and was laughing and wasnt taking me seriously i told him how he should go kill himself and jump off a building and how i don't love him which i truly don't love him he's a horrible older brother and should go kill himself
ive tried to get my hands on ADHD meds or DMAA to study but its pretty much impossible to get them in this shithole country...Did i mention how much i hate this country? its full of sand and people with religious propaganda and dirty fucking cunts that don't respect the rules of society they whole place looks like if u just put shit color stained buildings and sand together and if your rich you're either a dirty little corrupted fucker or a Hypergamous WHORE who goes to the beach and calls her dad "papi" i hate those people maybe i envy their riches but i dont feel like this way about other rich people these ones are just Retared Dumbfucks who got a lucky spawnpoint in life:feelswhy::hnghn:

Anyways i could go on and on abt other things but i only have 2 hours left until i sleep and should actually study chemistry

And ik mfs will be in the cmts "your life's not bad u pussy" i know its not bad to an extent but the amount of stress that's put on me as a teenager constantly has me thinking of ways to relief myself of it
 
Me tryna read this thread
IMG 8545
 
  • +1
Reactions: avenox and edcel
Not one single . in this entire post
 
  • +1
Reactions: Banned User
you’re half american? i guess your father done a good decision to move you there
 
Take this to incels we dont care
 

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