Psychophilly
Oxytocin explosion
- Joined
- Aug 7, 2022
- Posts
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I was born.
first memory i have is that i remember my mother asking me to use keys to open the door for her and i dont know what to do, never used keys and i'm freaking out since i was sleep and all of sudden i hear my mom from other side of the door and i;m peeing my pants because she is freaked out too. she left the keys inside and went outside while i was sleep as 3-4yo probably.
how hard could it be to open the door? idk, i can't remmeber why i coudn't open the door, probably there went keys and my mom kept insisting that there is keys. idk, they bring professional key maker to open the door eventually.
anyway, first things i realized after being semi-conscience was that my mother didn't like my father. she liked other man and cheated the shit out of my father. my internal mental damages begin as i get destroyed from within knowing that this isn't a good thing. parents always fighting brutally to the point of bleeding, father is never present cuz work and mother also not present cuz dating and leaving me alone at home.
i wasn't even allowed to go outside and i didn't even have a gaming consol or anything to play with and alone. eventually she felt sorry for me and bought me a SEGA atarti thing that u could play games like sonic etc.
the rotting started and is ongoing to this day.
they eventually divorced. my father is a gem while my mother is a whore. i quickly realized woman are evil.
now for dating life, i was good looking and pre 15, many girls had crush on me. but unfortunately i had this dark origin of hating the very concept of dating due to my whore mother. my brain would somehow malfunction when girls would show affection toward me.
anyway by the time sex drive kicked in, it was too late. my brain chemistery was fucked, my physical shape was fucked due to rotting and playing video games all day. and after 15, my facial features also got fucked due to street fights and broken nose, smoking heavily and using drugs and being involved in criminal groups and drug users who give 0 fuck about dating/gym/etc
i was brilliant and schools would recommend to my parents that i should join the special high IQ schools instead by my father coudn't afford it. my father presense in my life pre 15 was just his beatings and physical punishments. after divorce he became soft and let me do whatever the fuck i wanted until high school where he started beating me again.
in high school i wanted love and sex but i got rejected more than 30 times in a row. i was depressed brutally, we were poor because my father got scammed by his boss and lost all his money. i just wanted to get the fuck out of this house so without preprations and study, i just applied to any university that would accept me and i made it in a very far dogshit uni in border of country where people weren't even Iranians there anymore.
then i wanted to have love and sex in uni too but i failed there too, 5 years of uni and i coudn't get one date. i was rejected every single time and i tried many times. not that i'm that bad looking, it's being poor. i had 0 money and thats a death sentence in Iran.
there i got addicted to opium and actually, this is the most lifeuel part of my life. i actually enjoyed years of using opium with my friends there. we had so much fun there.
then i came home, didnt even check if passed that last exams. never tried to get my degree even tho i finished it. now im rotting for 4-5 years in my father;s house smoking weed and playing video games. never kissed, hold hands or had intimate moment with a girl.
never tried finding a legit job because i just feel like a loser, my confidence is shattered and it's too late for me to start. i lost everything.
what's next and what's my goal now?
i just want a Neet-friendly passive income of 100$ per month, so i can rot in piece and don't have to beg money for cigar and internet bill.
first memory i have is that i remember my mother asking me to use keys to open the door for her and i dont know what to do, never used keys and i'm freaking out since i was sleep and all of sudden i hear my mom from other side of the door and i;m peeing my pants because she is freaked out too. she left the keys inside and went outside while i was sleep as 3-4yo probably.
how hard could it be to open the door? idk, i can't remmeber why i coudn't open the door, probably there went keys and my mom kept insisting that there is keys. idk, they bring professional key maker to open the door eventually.
anyway, first things i realized after being semi-conscience was that my mother didn't like my father. she liked other man and cheated the shit out of my father. my internal mental damages begin as i get destroyed from within knowing that this isn't a good thing. parents always fighting brutally to the point of bleeding, father is never present cuz work and mother also not present cuz dating and leaving me alone at home.
i wasn't even allowed to go outside and i didn't even have a gaming consol or anything to play with and alone. eventually she felt sorry for me and bought me a SEGA atarti thing that u could play games like sonic etc.
the rotting started and is ongoing to this day.
they eventually divorced. my father is a gem while my mother is a whore. i quickly realized woman are evil.
now for dating life, i was good looking and pre 15, many girls had crush on me. but unfortunately i had this dark origin of hating the very concept of dating due to my whore mother. my brain would somehow malfunction when girls would show affection toward me.
anyway by the time sex drive kicked in, it was too late. my brain chemistery was fucked, my physical shape was fucked due to rotting and playing video games all day. and after 15, my facial features also got fucked due to street fights and broken nose, smoking heavily and using drugs and being involved in criminal groups and drug users who give 0 fuck about dating/gym/etc
i was brilliant and schools would recommend to my parents that i should join the special high IQ schools instead by my father coudn't afford it. my father presense in my life pre 15 was just his beatings and physical punishments. after divorce he became soft and let me do whatever the fuck i wanted until high school where he started beating me again.
in high school i wanted love and sex but i got rejected more than 30 times in a row. i was depressed brutally, we were poor because my father got scammed by his boss and lost all his money. i just wanted to get the fuck out of this house so without preprations and study, i just applied to any university that would accept me and i made it in a very far dogshit uni in border of country where people weren't even Iranians there anymore.
then i wanted to have love and sex in uni too but i failed there too, 5 years of uni and i coudn't get one date. i was rejected every single time and i tried many times. not that i'm that bad looking, it's being poor. i had 0 money and thats a death sentence in Iran.
there i got addicted to opium and actually, this is the most lifeuel part of my life. i actually enjoyed years of using opium with my friends there. we had so much fun there.
then i came home, didnt even check if passed that last exams. never tried to get my degree even tho i finished it. now im rotting for 4-5 years in my father;s house smoking weed and playing video games. never kissed, hold hands or had intimate moment with a girl.
never tried finding a legit job because i just feel like a loser, my confidence is shattered and it's too late for me to start. i lost everything.
what's next and what's my goal now?
i just want a Neet-friendly passive income of 100$ per month, so i can rot in piece and don't have to beg money for cigar and internet bill.
