benchortable
Banned
- Joined
- May 24, 2020
- Posts
- 1,009
- Reputation
- 1,740
@Mirin2234
Reading Mirin's threads I decided to type out how I tried to build up a life from having a terrible abusive childhood. I dont need to go into my childhood but it was filled with violence, crime, poverty, physical abuse and so much more fucked up shit.
Forgive me for the formatting and sentence structure Im typing this on my phone.
This isnt a guide. Take some ideas from it and build your own plan.
This also isnt a message of hope or inspiration. My life is still pretty bad but its 100x better than what it used to be.
This is in America btw, not everything what I did will work in other countries.
Ill start off with age 16. At 16 I was about to commit suicide and the night before I said fuck it, I can commit suicide whenever I want. If no one ever gave me a chance I will give myself a chance atleast. I marked 10 years ahead into my calender and moved the plan to kms forward.
So this is junior year of highschool.
From ages 16-18 I got drunk or high monday-friday almost every week.
There were many many days where I slept in the park or woods.
I knew I would be kicked out at 18 anyways and would never talk to my parents again.
So i planned ahead and thought about what I needed.
A license, then high school diploma and then a degree.
I got a job at a food processing plant where it was mostly illegals through a friends brother so I got paid cash working 12 hour shifts sat and sun.
That friend also taught me how to drive cause he had a car(this is illegal though as we were both minors)
Lost the job senior year when ICE raided it (jfl) but it was so close to graduation anyways it didnt really matter.
During school for these years I did all my homework during class. Never skipped(where the fuck would I go my dad didnt work) and usually ate alone since my friends rarely went to school. Did pretty well in school and took a good amount of APs. Only applied to one college cause I couldnt pay fees for more and I got in. Got a tiny scholarship but applied for a lot of loans and all my years of college were paid through student loans.
After graduation I lived at that same friends place on their couch until school started. (Extremely grateful for this man to this day)
I should also mention I got a credit card and bank account the day I turned 18.
When you leave home make sure you have all your paperwork. Birth certificate, passport, ssn, etc.
So college starts and Im living in a dorm because loans will pay for dorm and meal plans. I wanted to graduate as soon as possible so I took a ton of classes. Luckily I am high IQ so classes were not too hard. Dont get me wrong with working at my college's gym and taking a fuck ton of credits I had almost no social life and all my weekends were spent doing school work. Make sure to major in STEM even if youre retarded because nothing else will get you a job now a days. A problem with dorming though is that they will kick you out during longer breaks. So for winter and spring breaks I was homeless. Homelessness is just boring. 4chan and manga all day. Went into a library or McDonalds when I was cold or had to charge my phone/batteries. Went to an office bathroom if I had to shit or wanted to jerk off. If you know those office buildings where its a ton of companies in one building they usually have extremely clean one person bathrooms that have key pad locks, but I got lucky and noticed that one office had the combo printed on a piece of paper right by the entrance and I could read it through the glass of the door. After like 8 PM there was NO ONE in the whole building but it would still have a door open. Stayed away from people, especially other homeless people. Cleaned up in bathrooms or used a guest pass for a gym every two weeks or so to take a shower. Some gyms all I had to do was make a new email to get a new pass. It wasnt too bad as I knew I would have a place to live soon and I had money saved up for food. During second semester for my first year I applied to a fuck ton of internships for the summer. I got lucky and scored an internship at a huge company where they paid for living and transportation as well as a stipend. Applied again each year and they were happy to have me since I basically worked like a slave.
So i repeated this for three years until I graduated and got a job at the company I interned for. AP credits and taking a lot of classes let me finish a four year degree in three years without summer/winter semesters.
So now with a full time job this shitty life was a lot better.
I have my own apartment.
I hang out with old friends around twice a year, otherwise I dont talk to people really. Alone almost all the time. Still incredibly depressed and I have huge mental problems. Ive never had a gf.
Actually lost my job due to corona and Im living off savings, not worried though as one of my colleagues found a job and I will be getting one soon there through him.
Still paying off loans but whatever.
Mirin this parts directed at you.
Looking back the worst times for sure were 16-18. Just the complete lack of control and always having the people who should be the closest to you in life ruining your time was terrible. At those ages I also compared myself to kids who had it better but as I got older I stopped doing that. Even being alone and homeless was better than how it was with my parents.
Do what you want man.
Dont think that youre lazy or dumb.
You never had a chance to prove your worth.
I felt that way a lot and I hated myself a lot but I never had a choice for the life I have.
Even if you do decide to kys its fine. Thatll be your own choice.
I just want to say you need to learn to take control of your life.
Reading Mirin's threads I decided to type out how I tried to build up a life from having a terrible abusive childhood. I dont need to go into my childhood but it was filled with violence, crime, poverty, physical abuse and so much more fucked up shit.
Forgive me for the formatting and sentence structure Im typing this on my phone.
This isnt a guide. Take some ideas from it and build your own plan.
This also isnt a message of hope or inspiration. My life is still pretty bad but its 100x better than what it used to be.
This is in America btw, not everything what I did will work in other countries.
Ill start off with age 16. At 16 I was about to commit suicide and the night before I said fuck it, I can commit suicide whenever I want. If no one ever gave me a chance I will give myself a chance atleast. I marked 10 years ahead into my calender and moved the plan to kms forward.
So this is junior year of highschool.
From ages 16-18 I got drunk or high monday-friday almost every week.
There were many many days where I slept in the park or woods.
I knew I would be kicked out at 18 anyways and would never talk to my parents again.
So i planned ahead and thought about what I needed.
A license, then high school diploma and then a degree.
I got a job at a food processing plant where it was mostly illegals through a friends brother so I got paid cash working 12 hour shifts sat and sun.
That friend also taught me how to drive cause he had a car(this is illegal though as we were both minors)
Lost the job senior year when ICE raided it (jfl) but it was so close to graduation anyways it didnt really matter.
During school for these years I did all my homework during class. Never skipped(where the fuck would I go my dad didnt work) and usually ate alone since my friends rarely went to school. Did pretty well in school and took a good amount of APs. Only applied to one college cause I couldnt pay fees for more and I got in. Got a tiny scholarship but applied for a lot of loans and all my years of college were paid through student loans.
After graduation I lived at that same friends place on their couch until school started. (Extremely grateful for this man to this day)
I should also mention I got a credit card and bank account the day I turned 18.
When you leave home make sure you have all your paperwork. Birth certificate, passport, ssn, etc.
So college starts and Im living in a dorm because loans will pay for dorm and meal plans. I wanted to graduate as soon as possible so I took a ton of classes. Luckily I am high IQ so classes were not too hard. Dont get me wrong with working at my college's gym and taking a fuck ton of credits I had almost no social life and all my weekends were spent doing school work. Make sure to major in STEM even if youre retarded because nothing else will get you a job now a days. A problem with dorming though is that they will kick you out during longer breaks. So for winter and spring breaks I was homeless. Homelessness is just boring. 4chan and manga all day. Went into a library or McDonalds when I was cold or had to charge my phone/batteries. Went to an office bathroom if I had to shit or wanted to jerk off. If you know those office buildings where its a ton of companies in one building they usually have extremely clean one person bathrooms that have key pad locks, but I got lucky and noticed that one office had the combo printed on a piece of paper right by the entrance and I could read it through the glass of the door. After like 8 PM there was NO ONE in the whole building but it would still have a door open. Stayed away from people, especially other homeless people. Cleaned up in bathrooms or used a guest pass for a gym every two weeks or so to take a shower. Some gyms all I had to do was make a new email to get a new pass. It wasnt too bad as I knew I would have a place to live soon and I had money saved up for food. During second semester for my first year I applied to a fuck ton of internships for the summer. I got lucky and scored an internship at a huge company where they paid for living and transportation as well as a stipend. Applied again each year and they were happy to have me since I basically worked like a slave.
So i repeated this for three years until I graduated and got a job at the company I interned for. AP credits and taking a lot of classes let me finish a four year degree in three years without summer/winter semesters.
So now with a full time job this shitty life was a lot better.
I have my own apartment.
I hang out with old friends around twice a year, otherwise I dont talk to people really. Alone almost all the time. Still incredibly depressed and I have huge mental problems. Ive never had a gf.
Actually lost my job due to corona and Im living off savings, not worried though as one of my colleagues found a job and I will be getting one soon there through him.
Still paying off loans but whatever.
Mirin this parts directed at you.
Looking back the worst times for sure were 16-18. Just the complete lack of control and always having the people who should be the closest to you in life ruining your time was terrible. At those ages I also compared myself to kids who had it better but as I got older I stopped doing that. Even being alone and homeless was better than how it was with my parents.
Do what you want man.
Dont think that youre lazy or dumb.
You never had a chance to prove your worth.
I felt that way a lot and I hated myself a lot but I never had a choice for the life I have.
Even if you do decide to kys its fine. Thatll be your own choice.
I just want to say you need to learn to take control of your life.
Last edited:
