Aeropid
Eccentric Genius, Teethcel & Disabledcel.
- Joined
- Aug 7, 2023
- Posts
- 50
- Reputation
- 42
I am missing a left hand. Ever since I could comprehend my disability it plagued my mind, Every time I participated in any activity, it was a constant reminder of how inferior I am to everybody around me. All I could ever think was, “Why me?” Why did I have to be cursed with this trait? Why me out of 65,000? The blackpill had made itself apparent…
Not too long ago (I was in Australia at the time, and cross country is mandatory for PE there. Long story short, I live in Australia half the year and Alaska the other half), while I was doing cross country, I heard a girl yell from a classroom, “Hey, kid in the hoodie!” I always wear a hoodie for cope, even in the scorching Australian heat. No amount of heat or discomfort is worth the embarrassment of my disability and how disgustingly it fucks up my body's lateral symmetry.
We were in a massive group and everybody went silent. I looked back and yelled, “What!?” She yelled, “Do you have one hand!?” My brain froze. My normally charismatic and witty self was at a loss for words because of how deep anything even slightly referencing my disability strikes. I kept silent, turned back, and kept walking with my friends. I felt like I was about to cry and tried to hold back the tears so it didn’t look like I was affected, but it was so obvious I was.
A couple seconds later, I heard everybody murmuring behind us. I only heard one conversation clearly. The stacylite I liked and thought liked me back said to her friend, “Why would she ask that in front of everybody? That’s so fucked up.” Her friend responded with, “I know, right.” Now, there’s nothing wrong with what she said, that WAS fucked up, but it clicked in my head just then that she doesn’t actually like me at all. All those conversations she started with me were just out of pity.
I have so many other stories like this, just proving the blackpill over and over. And the worst part is that my life isn’t even that bad. There are hundreds of millions of people who have significantly worse lives than me, JUST because that’s how it turned out. Hell, if I wasn’t attractive facially, she wouldn’t even pity me at all.
Now that I’m back in Alaska, all I do is rot at home, researching cybersecurity and physiology, and going to the gym every other day. The blackpill is even more of a constant plague on my mind. Even though I tell myself I want to live alone, deep down I know I’ll always be sexually attracted to them and always yearn for a relationship because of my biology. And hypothetically if I manage to find the perfect woman who loves me back, I’ll never be able to forget the blackpill and accept her “love”. No matter how much you hate how the world works and how much you want to live without the desire for a female companion, you will never be able to defy your biology and escape from the desire for love.
You don’t have to beat a rigged game, just stop playing.
Not too long ago (I was in Australia at the time, and cross country is mandatory for PE there. Long story short, I live in Australia half the year and Alaska the other half), while I was doing cross country, I heard a girl yell from a classroom, “Hey, kid in the hoodie!” I always wear a hoodie for cope, even in the scorching Australian heat. No amount of heat or discomfort is worth the embarrassment of my disability and how disgustingly it fucks up my body's lateral symmetry.
We were in a massive group and everybody went silent. I looked back and yelled, “What!?” She yelled, “Do you have one hand!?” My brain froze. My normally charismatic and witty self was at a loss for words because of how deep anything even slightly referencing my disability strikes. I kept silent, turned back, and kept walking with my friends. I felt like I was about to cry and tried to hold back the tears so it didn’t look like I was affected, but it was so obvious I was.
A couple seconds later, I heard everybody murmuring behind us. I only heard one conversation clearly. The stacylite I liked and thought liked me back said to her friend, “Why would she ask that in front of everybody? That’s so fucked up.” Her friend responded with, “I know, right.” Now, there’s nothing wrong with what she said, that WAS fucked up, but it clicked in my head just then that she doesn’t actually like me at all. All those conversations she started with me were just out of pity.
I have so many other stories like this, just proving the blackpill over and over. And the worst part is that my life isn’t even that bad. There are hundreds of millions of people who have significantly worse lives than me, JUST because that’s how it turned out. Hell, if I wasn’t attractive facially, she wouldn’t even pity me at all.
Now that I’m back in Alaska, all I do is rot at home, researching cybersecurity and physiology, and going to the gym every other day. The blackpill is even more of a constant plague on my mind. Even though I tell myself I want to live alone, deep down I know I’ll always be sexually attracted to them and always yearn for a relationship because of my biology. And hypothetically if I manage to find the perfect woman who loves me back, I’ll never be able to forget the blackpill and accept her “love”. No matter how much you hate how the world works and how much you want to live without the desire for a female companion, you will never be able to defy your biology and escape from the desire for love.
You don’t have to beat a rigged game, just stop playing.
