tulasdanslos
Silver
- Joined
- May 12, 2020
- Posts
- 747
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Fuck, where do I even begin with this madness?
I began this day very optimistic and full of hope. "This is it" I thought. "This is the day I speak about my feelings with my beloved".
I think an aseptic retelling of how my day went will be the best approach.
I went to school. It's not a regular school, mind you, I'm 25 yo, it's an adult school for disabled people. With that out of the way, I went to classes and only one thing changed. I talked to my teacher that I wanted to have a 1 on 1 conversation about an "existential question" after class ended. I wasn't wrong back then. Had I asked her out PROPERLY, it would have been an existential question indeed.
The redpill reared its ugly head. "Fuck. I'm definitely not going to be alone in the room with her when I ask her out, that's just a recipe for disaster" I cogitated. Around recess, I find the admin side of business guy. I ask him upfront: "Are you okay with being in a second hand embarrassment situation?"
If I wasn't an aspie, I would have backed down at this step; the guy was obviously concerned, he had EVERY right to be concerned about this, but I pushed on.
-"What, like are you embarrassed at the school or something?"
"No," I answered, "this has nothing to do with class".
He asked me a few more questions and I had him on board. Big fucking mistake.
Recess ended and it was back to the boring class. It's about a subject I have some degree of mastery in, or at least on the material shown so far, so it's boring. I make a conscious effort to participate, as I have every day since the beginning. I should have skipped this part of the story, but sunken cost fallacy so here it stays, lmao.
Finally, the moment of truth came. Everyone was leaving except for a few stragglers who were asking questions to said admin guy, my teacher, and me. I was so nervous I did a "pulse check": held out my hand in a 180 degree angle (in human, I made a palm) and checked for any movement. I twitched once or twice.
Once every student left, it was the admin guy, my beloved and me.
I prefaced my request with an attempt at a joke.
"Heh, at least two people will have an anecdote to tell about today".
I fumbled it so hard, nobody laughed nor smirked, they took it seriously and even I could tell they were somewhat startled.
Convo guide
· admin guy
+ my beloved teacher
- me
·"So what were you going to tell us?"
-"I'll cut straight to the chase. (Teacher name), what's your marital status?"
+"Why are you asking me this?"
-"Because I fancy you"
·"Sorry, I didn't catch that. You what to her?"
-"I fancy her"
*Cue long, awkward explanation about how teachers and students can't mingle, even if there's interest (over for me, implying there wasn't)*
·"You've been very brave to come forward with this, but it's not appropriate in this context"
+"Even in other contexts we expect you to navigate, such as rules in a company, this kind of thing is not possible"
-*dying inside*"OK, I'll just talk to you about school curriculum from now on"
·"Still, we have resources to help people like you, such as psychologists, coaches on work, etc etc"
·"I hope everything has been made clear. However, I have to thank you for your bravery, since if more people were like you, the world would be a better place" wtf this guy is an antinatalist? cringe
I say goodbye and head out the school. On my commute, it hits me.
"What have I done? Even if my words had an infinitesimal chance of having got through to her, the presence of the guy cockblocks me in 100% of the simulations! He couldn't have just let me hit on her because that's unethical!"
So yeah, Today I Learned I deserve to be alone, because I'm a duplicitous, scheming, malevolent cunt more akin to a foid than a man. Hence the title.
I could talk for hours about how this whole situation is fucked up. How it was akin to a Satanic ritual, by inverting a marriage, (man, woman and faggot[admin guy is a faggot] as opposed to man, woman and priest), how I didn't feel anything after the rejection except a grip on my chest, etc. But this thread is mega long as it is, so I won't bother.
I began this day very optimistic and full of hope. "This is it" I thought. "This is the day I speak about my feelings with my beloved".
I think an aseptic retelling of how my day went will be the best approach.
I went to school. It's not a regular school, mind you, I'm 25 yo, it's an adult school for disabled people. With that out of the way, I went to classes and only one thing changed. I talked to my teacher that I wanted to have a 1 on 1 conversation about an "existential question" after class ended. I wasn't wrong back then. Had I asked her out PROPERLY, it would have been an existential question indeed.
The redpill reared its ugly head. "Fuck. I'm definitely not going to be alone in the room with her when I ask her out, that's just a recipe for disaster" I cogitated. Around recess, I find the admin side of business guy. I ask him upfront: "Are you okay with being in a second hand embarrassment situation?"
If I wasn't an aspie, I would have backed down at this step; the guy was obviously concerned, he had EVERY right to be concerned about this, but I pushed on.
-"What, like are you embarrassed at the school or something?"
"No," I answered, "this has nothing to do with class".
He asked me a few more questions and I had him on board. Big fucking mistake.
Recess ended and it was back to the boring class. It's about a subject I have some degree of mastery in, or at least on the material shown so far, so it's boring. I make a conscious effort to participate, as I have every day since the beginning. I should have skipped this part of the story, but sunken cost fallacy so here it stays, lmao.
Finally, the moment of truth came. Everyone was leaving except for a few stragglers who were asking questions to said admin guy, my teacher, and me. I was so nervous I did a "pulse check": held out my hand in a 180 degree angle (in human, I made a palm) and checked for any movement. I twitched once or twice.
Once every student left, it was the admin guy, my beloved and me.
I prefaced my request with an attempt at a joke.
"Heh, at least two people will have an anecdote to tell about today".
I fumbled it so hard, nobody laughed nor smirked, they took it seriously and even I could tell they were somewhat startled.
Convo guide
· admin guy
+ my beloved teacher
- me
·"So what were you going to tell us?"
-"I'll cut straight to the chase. (Teacher name), what's your marital status?"
+"Why are you asking me this?"
-"Because I fancy you"
·"Sorry, I didn't catch that. You what to her?"
-"I fancy her"
*Cue long, awkward explanation about how teachers and students can't mingle, even if there's interest (over for me, implying there wasn't)*
·"You've been very brave to come forward with this, but it's not appropriate in this context"
+"Even in other contexts we expect you to navigate, such as rules in a company, this kind of thing is not possible"
-*dying inside*"OK, I'll just talk to you about school curriculum from now on"
·"Still, we have resources to help people like you, such as psychologists, coaches on work, etc etc"
·"I hope everything has been made clear. However, I have to thank you for your bravery, since if more people were like you, the world would be a better place" wtf this guy is an antinatalist? cringe
I say goodbye and head out the school. On my commute, it hits me.
"What have I done? Even if my words had an infinitesimal chance of having got through to her, the presence of the guy cockblocks me in 100% of the simulations! He couldn't have just let me hit on her because that's unethical!"
So yeah, Today I Learned I deserve to be alone, because I'm a duplicitous, scheming, malevolent cunt more akin to a foid than a man. Hence the title.
I could talk for hours about how this whole situation is fucked up. How it was akin to a Satanic ritual, by inverting a marriage, (man, woman and faggot[admin guy is a faggot] as opposed to man, woman and priest), how I didn't feel anything after the rejection except a grip on my chest, etc. But this thread is mega long as it is, so I won't bother.
