enchanted_elixir
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I've been using this dating strategy for years, mostly because I cannot approach women for the life of me, and if I did, I would look so scared that she would reject me for looking like a scaredy-cat bitch, rendering approaching useless.
I also don't think I have the SMV to do approaching either. I could be underestimating myself, or I could be right about that. The latter aligns with my intuition much more.
Anyways, back to the point. I've been using the passive dating strategy for a long time. This consists of never approaching women and letting them make moves on you (ex. outright approaching you, having them break the ice between you two in class if you two are sitting together while she shows IOIs, her moving next to you, or anything that requires the female to initiate first).
This strategy has only given me the following types of women
Every woman I have encountered with this strategy has given me both strong IOIs + taken initiative.
The thing is, there is a strong feeling that I have that there are women who would really appreciate it if I approached them, but since they don't give strong IOIs, I dismiss them. This is because I am scared of rejection (or to be more precise, the humiliation and shame that comes out of it). I can not interact or approach a woman unless I have absolute or near-absolute certainty that she likes me, and sometimes even then I still can not do it.
For example, there is a woman who sits in front of me I think is kind of attractive at school. She twirls her hair in front of me (probably not connected to me) and one time, she was exiting the door I was entering and upon seeing me (she noticed me faster than I noticed her), she smiled at me and opened the door for me. There's a feeling that arises within me that tells me she may have something for me (because that reaction to my presence is something that is not usual), but since that doesn't reach the threshold of absolute certainty or near-absolute certainty, I dismiss this as a coincidence, or she was just being friendly, or devoid of any significant meaning.
I feel like this with some women I see around school, she may like me but due to her not taking initiative or being overt with her IOIs (or not showing any at all), these women never reach the threshold of "I'm sure she likes me", therefore I dismiss any intuitions as coincidences, flukes, friendliness, or devoid of any significant meaning. The most important thing here is that MOST women are like this (as in they won't take initiative on a man they like, or give strong IOIs)
This also happened in a summer class I had. This one girl I really liked seemed like she liked me back, but since she never took initiative or gave me strong IOIs, I dismissed my feeling as flukes, coincidences, etc.
So yeah, I don't know how much I'm leaving on the table with this strategy but the only women who you will get with this strategy seems to be women who are incentivized to take initiative due to being compromised in dating.
Women expect men to approach, but since I can't approach. I am basically only getting approached by women with lower SMV than me. That's the usual outcome of using this strategy. Don't use this strategy.
TLDR:
I also don't think I have the SMV to do approaching either. I could be underestimating myself, or I could be right about that. The latter aligns with my intuition much more.
Anyways, back to the point. I've been using the passive dating strategy for a long time. This consists of never approaching women and letting them make moves on you (ex. outright approaching you, having them break the ice between you two in class if you two are sitting together while she shows IOIs, her moving next to you, or anything that requires the female to initiate first).
This strategy has only given me the following types of women
- Unattractive women, or women below my SMV (LTBs and below).
- Women in their forties, thirties or late 20s (I'm 20).
- Women who are desperate (this has overlap with point 1)
- Women who are more masculine (ex. has traits like taking initiative)
Every woman I have encountered with this strategy has given me both strong IOIs + taken initiative.
The thing is, there is a strong feeling that I have that there are women who would really appreciate it if I approached them, but since they don't give strong IOIs, I dismiss them. This is because I am scared of rejection (or to be more precise, the humiliation and shame that comes out of it). I can not interact or approach a woman unless I have absolute or near-absolute certainty that she likes me, and sometimes even then I still can not do it.
For example, there is a woman who sits in front of me I think is kind of attractive at school. She twirls her hair in front of me (probably not connected to me) and one time, she was exiting the door I was entering and upon seeing me (she noticed me faster than I noticed her), she smiled at me and opened the door for me. There's a feeling that arises within me that tells me she may have something for me (because that reaction to my presence is something that is not usual), but since that doesn't reach the threshold of absolute certainty or near-absolute certainty, I dismiss this as a coincidence, or she was just being friendly, or devoid of any significant meaning.
I feel like this with some women I see around school, she may like me but due to her not taking initiative or being overt with her IOIs (or not showing any at all), these women never reach the threshold of "I'm sure she likes me", therefore I dismiss any intuitions as coincidences, flukes, friendliness, or devoid of any significant meaning. The most important thing here is that MOST women are like this (as in they won't take initiative on a man they like, or give strong IOIs)
This also happened in a summer class I had. This one girl I really liked seemed like she liked me back, but since she never took initiative or gave me strong IOIs, I dismissed my feeling as flukes, coincidences, etc.
So yeah, I don't know how much I'm leaving on the table with this strategy but the only women who you will get with this strategy seems to be women who are incentivized to take initiative due to being compromised in dating.
Women expect men to approach, but since I can't approach. I am basically only getting approached by women with lower SMV than me. That's the usual outcome of using this strategy. Don't use this strategy.
TLDR:
The author explains that he has relied on a passive dating strategy for years because he is terrified of initiating contact with women. His fear of approaching stems from two major issues: first, he believes that if he ever attempted to approach a woman, his visible anxiety would make him appear weak or overly scared, leading to immediate rejection; second, he doubts that his own sexual market value (SMV) is high enough to justify taking such a risk, even though he sometimes wonders if he might be underestimating himself.
Instead of initiating, he lets women make the first move—expecting them to approach him, break the ice in situations like sitting together in class, or otherwise display clear interest through their body language or actions. However, this strategy has consistently delivered a narrow range of outcomes:
The core of his issue is that his fear of rejection forces him to demand near-absolute certainty of a woman's interest before he can consider approaching (if he can even muster the courage). For example, he describes a situation in which a woman he considered attractive in his class twirled her hair, smiled at him, and even opened the door for him. Despite these actions, he dismissed them as coincidences or mere friendliness because they did not meet his strict threshold for certainty (that being indicators that strongly/undeniably indicate interest). He notes that this pattern has repeated itself with other women—where potential indicators of interest are quickly rationalized away due to his inability to conceive of a woman being attracted to him unless it's undeniable, therefore dismissing potential indicators of interest as flukes, friendliness, etc. The author is concerned that he is leaving potential women on the table with this strategy.
Ultimately, he concludes that by waiting for overt and strong signals of interest, his passive strategy only attracts women who are either compromised in their dating options or inherently less desirable in his view. He is only approached by women who, by his criteria, do not measure up. His final takeaway is a clear warning—this strategy is fundamentally flawed and should be avoided.
Instead of initiating, he lets women make the first move—expecting them to approach him, break the ice in situations like sitting together in class, or otherwise display clear interest through their body language or actions. However, this strategy has consistently delivered a narrow range of outcomes:
- Unattractive or lower-SMV women: He finds that the women who take the initiative tend to be those he considers less attractive or below his own SMV.
- Older women: Most of the women who have approached him are in their late twenties, thirties, or even forties, which is not ideal given that he is only 20.
- Desperate individuals: He notes that many of these women appear desperate, a trait that overlaps with the first category of lower SMV.
- Women with masculine traits: He observes that the few who do approach often display assertive, masculine characteristics by taking the lead.
The core of his issue is that his fear of rejection forces him to demand near-absolute certainty of a woman's interest before he can consider approaching (if he can even muster the courage). For example, he describes a situation in which a woman he considered attractive in his class twirled her hair, smiled at him, and even opened the door for him. Despite these actions, he dismissed them as coincidences or mere friendliness because they did not meet his strict threshold for certainty (that being indicators that strongly/undeniably indicate interest). He notes that this pattern has repeated itself with other women—where potential indicators of interest are quickly rationalized away due to his inability to conceive of a woman being attracted to him unless it's undeniable, therefore dismissing potential indicators of interest as flukes, friendliness, etc. The author is concerned that he is leaving potential women on the table with this strategy.
Ultimately, he concludes that by waiting for overt and strong signals of interest, his passive strategy only attracts women who are either compromised in their dating options or inherently less desirable in his view. He is only approached by women who, by his criteria, do not measure up. His final takeaway is a clear warning—this strategy is fundamentally flawed and should be avoided.
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