sadcel
oldfag that discovered BP too late
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Nowadays, many women mention emotional intelligence as one of the most important traits they seek in a future boyfriend or husband. You’ll often notice this either when you ask a woman what she wants in a man or when reading bios on dating apps.
In this thread, I’ll explain how the widespread demand for emotional intelligence actually reflects that modern dating culture is rooted in hypergamy.
What is Hypergamy?
In simple terms, hypergamy is the tendency for women to be romantically interested in the top percentage of men—primarily based on looks and status. This typically refers to the top 10–20% of men.
What is Emotional Intelligence (EI)?
Emotional intelligence is the ability to understand and manage your own emotions while also recognizing and influencing the emotions of others.
EI is a key factor in building and maintaining lasting, intimate relationships. It allows someone to detect subtle emotional shifts in a partner and respond with empathy and awareness—qualities we all desire in a significant other.
How does this relate to hypergamy?
Let’s use an analogy.
Imagine you’re highly skilled in your profession and can easily land a job without much effort. Would you:
Now flip the scenario: you’re inexperienced, struggling financially, and desperate for work. Suddenly, keeping that job becomes a priority, no matter how hard or unpleasant it is.
This is how emotional intelligence functions in dating.
We’re all taught emotional intelligence to some degree growing up, but actually using it requires effort. It often involves swallowing our pride, admitting when we're wrong, or working to repair emotional damage in a relationship.
Why would a Chad use emotional intelligence to maintain a relationship when he knows he can find another girlfriend within days—or even hours? Especially when using EI requires humility, patience, and vulnerability—traits that clash with a big ego that a popular guy like Chad has.
But what about the average guy?
He has to use emotional intelligence. If he doesn’t make an effort to maintain the relationship, he knows it could take a very long time to find another partner of similar quality.
So when a woman says she wants a man with emotional intelligence, it’s likely because she’s gone through a phase of chad-only at some point in her life.
Conclusion:
The fact that emotional intelligence has become such a popular dating requirement highlights the reality of hypergamy. Women often start by chasing high-status men, then eventually seek emotional maturity—something more common in men who need to work harder to sustain relationships.
In this thread, I’ll explain how the widespread demand for emotional intelligence actually reflects that modern dating culture is rooted in hypergamy.
What is Hypergamy?
In simple terms, hypergamy is the tendency for women to be romantically interested in the top percentage of men—primarily based on looks and status. This typically refers to the top 10–20% of men.
What is Emotional Intelligence (EI)?
Emotional intelligence is the ability to understand and manage your own emotions while also recognizing and influencing the emotions of others.
EI is a key factor in building and maintaining lasting, intimate relationships. It allows someone to detect subtle emotional shifts in a partner and respond with empathy and awareness—qualities we all desire in a significant other.
How does this relate to hypergamy?
Let’s use an analogy.
Imagine you’re highly skilled in your profession and can easily land a job without much effort. Would you:
- Work hard to keep your current job, even if it means tolerating a toxic boss and coworkers?
- Or put in minimal effort and get fired, knowing you’ll quickly find another job?
Now flip the scenario: you’re inexperienced, struggling financially, and desperate for work. Suddenly, keeping that job becomes a priority, no matter how hard or unpleasant it is.
This is how emotional intelligence functions in dating.
We’re all taught emotional intelligence to some degree growing up, but actually using it requires effort. It often involves swallowing our pride, admitting when we're wrong, or working to repair emotional damage in a relationship.
Why would a Chad use emotional intelligence to maintain a relationship when he knows he can find another girlfriend within days—or even hours? Especially when using EI requires humility, patience, and vulnerability—traits that clash with a big ego that a popular guy like Chad has.
But what about the average guy?
He has to use emotional intelligence. If he doesn’t make an effort to maintain the relationship, he knows it could take a very long time to find another partner of similar quality.
So when a woman says she wants a man with emotional intelligence, it’s likely because she’s gone through a phase of chad-only at some point in her life.
Conclusion:
The fact that emotional intelligence has become such a popular dating requirement highlights the reality of hypergamy. Women often start by chasing high-status men, then eventually seek emotional maturity—something more common in men who need to work harder to sustain relationships.
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