D
Deleted member 22705
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It was the summer of 2013 and I was 16. Before this a number of girls had called me cute, shown interest in me and my interactions with girls were generally better than boys though I never had female friends or hung out with them. I got a lot of IOIs from girls I never even knew despite the fact I was extremely unpopular in middle school due to my autism. The IOIs reduced in high school but there seemed to be some girls who still seemed interested, and they never looked at me with disgust or treated me poorly . I looked feminine and prettyboyish, in some pictures you might even confuse me for a girl, I enjoyed the attention but because of my parents forbidding me from dating, I never pursued a single girl.
There was one girl who I was interested in, she was punjabi and cute, at one point she asked me if I liked her and I said no, and she rejected me with some bs reason, however she would always talk to me, here and there like greeting me and we'd talk in class. At first I assumed she was just using me as an emotional tampon because she was weird and had social issues. However, there were times when she was staring at me a lot. I missed a few opportunities with her, one time we had a end of the year middle school party and I dressed up really well for it and groomed my hair well. I got a lot of IOIs from girls that night but never pursued a single one. There was a dance held at the gym, I walked in and I saw her just standing around the side-lines, I had danced with her previously in gym class, because we were all paired up for an assignment and I was bad at it. She kept staring at me, I felt an urge to approach but resisted it and walked out. I went to the gym multiple times that night and she made deep eye-contact with me every-time, yet I couldn't gather the nerve to do it and left. Another time in summer school, I was walking near class during lunch time and she went up to me and said hi, she looked so beautiful, I felt like the breath was knocked out of me and I didn't respond and walked away. Anyway I had a number of instances like this with girls, but somehow always avoided it. When I want to the mall or one time to the movies with friends I noticed IOIs from girls who were probably around my age. It was actually fun going outside back then and looking at girls, though I didn't often do it.
However, this all changed after my parents and I went on a trip to India that summer. The whole experience was awful, it was a religious pilgrimage that was annoying and frustrating. By the time I came back, I started receiving colder looks and treatment from strangers. Women started avoiding me and even other guys seemed less interested in interacting with me upon meeting me. Welcome to the ugly life.
I noticed a small amount of improvement when I worked hard at the gym in 2018 and got decently muscular after about 6 or 7 months. But there were no overt signs of actual interest so it might have been in my head. There was one time a medical lady accidentally touched my crotch but I genuinely believe it was an accident, though she didn't apologize which was suspicious.
After the surgery there were a few times a older cashier lady hit on me but she was complimenting my body and not my face. Also she might have been sarcastic or joking, IDK. She stopped doing it after a while but I did seem pretty uncomfortable. After I got filler and cleared up my skin I did notice some improvement in how women treated me but it wasn't significant. I still got looks of disgust though I might have gotten an IOI or two.
Since that summer puberty deformed my face, I have never once been genuinely attractive to any female. I always assumed I would be a success in life and my looks would help me out, but that summer destroyed my dreams and my life.
There was one girl who I was interested in, she was punjabi and cute, at one point she asked me if I liked her and I said no, and she rejected me with some bs reason, however she would always talk to me, here and there like greeting me and we'd talk in class. At first I assumed she was just using me as an emotional tampon because she was weird and had social issues. However, there were times when she was staring at me a lot. I missed a few opportunities with her, one time we had a end of the year middle school party and I dressed up really well for it and groomed my hair well. I got a lot of IOIs from girls that night but never pursued a single one. There was a dance held at the gym, I walked in and I saw her just standing around the side-lines, I had danced with her previously in gym class, because we were all paired up for an assignment and I was bad at it. She kept staring at me, I felt an urge to approach but resisted it and walked out. I went to the gym multiple times that night and she made deep eye-contact with me every-time, yet I couldn't gather the nerve to do it and left. Another time in summer school, I was walking near class during lunch time and she went up to me and said hi, she looked so beautiful, I felt like the breath was knocked out of me and I didn't respond and walked away. Anyway I had a number of instances like this with girls, but somehow always avoided it. When I want to the mall or one time to the movies with friends I noticed IOIs from girls who were probably around my age. It was actually fun going outside back then and looking at girls, though I didn't often do it.
However, this all changed after my parents and I went on a trip to India that summer. The whole experience was awful, it was a religious pilgrimage that was annoying and frustrating. By the time I came back, I started receiving colder looks and treatment from strangers. Women started avoiding me and even other guys seemed less interested in interacting with me upon meeting me. Welcome to the ugly life.
I noticed a small amount of improvement when I worked hard at the gym in 2018 and got decently muscular after about 6 or 7 months. But there were no overt signs of actual interest so it might have been in my head. There was one time a medical lady accidentally touched my crotch but I genuinely believe it was an accident, though she didn't apologize which was suspicious.
After the surgery there were a few times a older cashier lady hit on me but she was complimenting my body and not my face. Also she might have been sarcastic or joking, IDK. She stopped doing it after a while but I did seem pretty uncomfortable. After I got filler and cleared up my skin I did notice some improvement in how women treated me but it wasn't significant. I still got looks of disgust though I might have gotten an IOI or two.
Since that summer puberty deformed my face, I have never once been genuinely attractive to any female. I always assumed I would be a success in life and my looks would help me out, but that summer destroyed my dreams and my life.
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