the time i had sex with my couch

[qxdr]

get ready for another peak storytime y'all

this time i was like 12-13 years old so i had just started puberty and shiet so by this time i was already jacking off and watching porn and i couldnt get enough stimulation

i was a gooning philosopher back then so one day i sat there and did research on the best methods to jack off but the pringles can method and the sock method weren't enough

so i really took some time to think about it and i forgot how but i ended up with the idea of ramming my meat in between my couch cushions

now i wasn't going to get rope burns on my dick so i hit a 100 iq move and decided to warm up 2 pieces of ham and put them between the couch cushions so it would feel more realistic

the last thing i needed was to grab some sort of lubricant so i went with coconut oil and oiled em up and by now i was already rock hard i felt like my dick was going to explode so i quickly got to work

but before anyone asks if i "fucked the couch while my family was home?" fuck no nigga. i obviously waited for a day i'd be home alone for a while so i could get to work i wasnt about to let my whole family walk in on me balls deep in my couch

but back to the good part niggas so i began to fuck the couch and it felt heavenly because the ham was still really warm

for the few minutes i lasted i was in heaven it felt better than my sock and the pringle can method and its how i would imagine fucking a girl would be like

when i eventually came i blew thick ropes that made my balls hurt after

overall experience 8/10 feels amazing but the post nut clarity is awful

 

[qxdr]

@acm @EthiopianMaxxer @registerfasterusing @Mogs Me

 

[Panchitosbroncs]

?????

 

[qxdr]

btw we threw the couch away we dont have it anymore

 

[qxdr]

?????

title

 

[chudpiller]

 

[Joeseminate]

Important read

 

[ltnbrownacnecel]

TLDR:
Kid got too creative with a couch, felt like a genius for 5 minutes, then post-nut clarity hit like a federal investigation. Pleasure: 8/10. Self-respect: missing in action.

 

[Former Shortcel]

Modern day innovator

 

[Mogs Me]

Nigga was moving like 48 year old Kkhv discord mod at the age of 13

 

[qxdr]

Nigga was moving like 48 year old Kkhv discord mod at the age of 13

View attachment 4523227

was? nigga id fuck it again but we threw it away

 

[Former Shortcel]

was? nigga id fuck it again but we threw it away

Its time to start getting inventive again

 

[Fridx]

We all dry humped the couches but fucking it

 

[Gengar]

Thought this said “crush” instead of “couch.”

 

[qxdr]

Its time to start getting inventive again

i mean i do have a teddy bear

 

[Mavueis]

now i wasn't going to get rope burns on my dick so i hit a 100 iq move and decided to warm up 2 pieces of ham and put them between the couch cushions so it would feel more realistic

what about banana peels?

 

[Former Shortcel]

We all dry humped the couches but fucking it

-We hump couches
-We play games with balls
-We like going on walks
-We fuck white women

We all really are just dogs

 

[qxdr]

what about banana peels?

yes ive done that too but i didnt enjoy it as much as i did the couch

 

[domcel]

get ready for another peak storytime y'all

this time i was like 12-13 years old so i had just started puberty and shiet so by this time i was already jacking off and watching porn and i couldnt get enough stimulation

i was a gooning philosopher back then so one day i sat there and did research on the best methods to jack off but the pringles can method and the sock method weren't enough

so i really took some time to think about it and i forgot how but i ended up with the idea of ramming my meat in between my couch cushions

now i wasn't going to get rope burns on my dick so i hit a 100 iq move and decided to warm up 2 pieces of ham and put them between the couch cushions so it would feel more realistic

the last thing i needed was to grab some sort of lubricant so i went with coconut oil and oiled em up and by now i was already rock hard i felt like my dick was going to explode so i quickly got to work

but before anyone asks if i "fucked the couch while my family was home?" fuck no nigga. i obviously waited for a day i'd be home alone for a while so i could get to work i wasnt about to let my whole family walk in on me balls deep in my couch

but back to the good part niggas so i began to fuck the couch and it felt heavenly because the ham was still really warm

for the few minutes i lasted i was in heaven it felt better than my sock and the pringle can method and its how i would imagine fucking a girl would be like

when i eventually came i blew thick ropes that made my balls hurt after

overall experience 8/10 feels amazing but the post nut clarity is awful

dnr but shit probably felt good and you didnt have to buy it dinner first also

 

[Cautious Turtle]

Which dumb nigga "ugh" reacted?

 

[acm]

the most people ever do is a pillow
mirin the inhib for a couch

 

[qxdr]

the most people ever do is a pillow
mirin the inhib for a couch

bro if i get a body pillow its over

 

[GandyLuvr]

get ready for another peak storytime y'all

this time i was like 12-13 years old so i had just started puberty and shiet so by this time i was already jacking off and watching porn and i couldnt get enough stimulation

i was a gooning philosopher back then so one day i sat there and did research on the best methods to jack off but the pringles can method and the sock method weren't enough

so i really took some time to think about it and i forgot how but i ended up with the idea of ramming my meat in between my couch cushions

now i wasn't going to get rope burns on my dick so i hit a 100 iq move and decided to warm up 2 pieces of ham and put them between the couch cushions so it would feel more realistic

the last thing i needed was to grab some sort of lubricant so i went with coconut oil and oiled em up and by now i was already rock hard i felt like my dick was going to explode so i quickly got to work

but before anyone asks if i "fucked the couch while my family was home?" fuck no nigga. i obviously waited for a day i'd be home alone for a while so i could get to work i wasnt about to let my whole family walk in on me balls deep in my couch

but back to the good part niggas so i began to fuck the couch and it felt heavenly because the ham was still really warm

for the few minutes i lasted i was in heaven it felt better than my sock and the pringle can method and its how i would imagine fucking a girl would be like

when i eventually came i blew thick ropes that made my balls hurt after

overall experience 8/10 feels amazing but the post nut clarity is awful

 

[tarkdriad33]

You basically had sex with a pig, congrats