JoeNutz
Iron
- Joined
- Jan 8, 2024
- Posts
- 55
- Reputation
- 52
TLDR she was the dream women to a guy like me, ignored all my insecurities but at the end of the day it was charity work and she got tired of only being with me because of my personality and she works at the same place I do and goes to the same school so I'm deciding to end my life instead of facing her again every day.
I know I sound like a broken record but I need to get these thoughts out there, I talked to my friends about it but I could never tell them this much detail and I sure as hell can't tell her all this. And I'm not doing this for attention or sympathy, my friends god bless their souls they have been as supportive as I can possibly ask for I just don't have the heart to tell them about these thoughts.
please my life needs to end, I'm back where I was last year utterly hopeless with my only savior being a girl who truly enjoyed my company.
I refuse to see her at school for the rest of the year I refuse to work with her for the rest of the year and I refuse to live in this city for the rest of the year but I have no choice, except I do have a choice whether I'm alive or not, that is the only leverage I have in my life, that is the only way to take things in my own hands.
I knew it was too good to be true, how can somebody look at me and find something in their heart to love me, I avoid mirrors because I'm ashamed of my face yet she always leaned in to kiss first, I fucking shake after having to talk to somebody longer than 30 seconds but she was the friendliest person who can make conversation about anything with anyone, I felt like a real person whenever I'd be introduced to the plethora of her acquaintances.
light blue eyes with a dark blue ring around the outside, soft full lips that felt amazing to kiss, a button upturned nose that I'd appreciate when I looked over to her as I was driving, such pale skin and light brown wavy hair, incredibly straight teeth which paired well with her lips when she smiled.
These things I'd obsess over in my mind but not once did I tell her I loved these things about her.
I was living a fantasy, I don't know if she was good at hiding that she was like the rest or I just ignored the signs, either way there was something going on in the back round out of my control which led to this.
She told her parents she was planning on moving in with me the next year, my first day at work a coworker of mine told me she speaks very fondly of me, the day she did it she told me we still have to buy our Halloween costume, all the times I told her I was worried about this relationship and I'd be met with "I'm here to stay" "you're stuck with me" all the times she said she felt so lucky to have me and didn't deserve me, after all the displays of my shortcomings this entire relationship she still treated me like I was the best thing that happened to her.
How could I not let myself become vulnerable?
There will be nothing like that again in my life, I could've maybe survived off of morsels of attention from various women but I flew too close to the sun, it was a one in a billion chance I'd have even the opportunity to get to know her.
My best route of action is to take my own life, she will be apart of my life whether I want her to be or not, her mother offered me the job I have now, she helped me register to the classes I take in university, if there is one thing I can do for myself now to resolve this issue it is to take my own life, I'd rather do it now than the day I see her with a better looking guy.
I know I sound like a broken record but I need to get these thoughts out there, I talked to my friends about it but I could never tell them this much detail and I sure as hell can't tell her all this. And I'm not doing this for attention or sympathy, my friends god bless their souls they have been as supportive as I can possibly ask for I just don't have the heart to tell them about these thoughts.
please my life needs to end, I'm back where I was last year utterly hopeless with my only savior being a girl who truly enjoyed my company.
I refuse to see her at school for the rest of the year I refuse to work with her for the rest of the year and I refuse to live in this city for the rest of the year but I have no choice, except I do have a choice whether I'm alive or not, that is the only leverage I have in my life, that is the only way to take things in my own hands.
I knew it was too good to be true, how can somebody look at me and find something in their heart to love me, I avoid mirrors because I'm ashamed of my face yet she always leaned in to kiss first, I fucking shake after having to talk to somebody longer than 30 seconds but she was the friendliest person who can make conversation about anything with anyone, I felt like a real person whenever I'd be introduced to the plethora of her acquaintances.
light blue eyes with a dark blue ring around the outside, soft full lips that felt amazing to kiss, a button upturned nose that I'd appreciate when I looked over to her as I was driving, such pale skin and light brown wavy hair, incredibly straight teeth which paired well with her lips when she smiled.
These things I'd obsess over in my mind but not once did I tell her I loved these things about her.
I was living a fantasy, I don't know if she was good at hiding that she was like the rest or I just ignored the signs, either way there was something going on in the back round out of my control which led to this.
She told her parents she was planning on moving in with me the next year, my first day at work a coworker of mine told me she speaks very fondly of me, the day she did it she told me we still have to buy our Halloween costume, all the times I told her I was worried about this relationship and I'd be met with "I'm here to stay" "you're stuck with me" all the times she said she felt so lucky to have me and didn't deserve me, after all the displays of my shortcomings this entire relationship she still treated me like I was the best thing that happened to her.
How could I not let myself become vulnerable?
There will be nothing like that again in my life, I could've maybe survived off of morsels of attention from various women but I flew too close to the sun, it was a one in a billion chance I'd have even the opportunity to get to know her.
My best route of action is to take my own life, she will be apart of my life whether I want her to be or not, her mother offered me the job I have now, she helped me register to the classes I take in university, if there is one thing I can do for myself now to resolve this issue it is to take my own life, I'd rather do it now than the day I see her with a better looking guy.
