DavidLard
6’2” nasolabial-fold-cel
- Joined
- Jun 28, 2024
- Posts
- 344
- Reputation
- 415
The root cause behind most everything I do is that deep down, I want to be perfect, and I want everyone else to think i’m perfect. Even worse, I expect everyone around me to be perfect. That sounds corny but it feels like it’s the deepest piece of what controls me. All I do is work to improve myself and hope that people will like me better, endlessly. If I weren’t on my hands and knees for others’ admiration idk what i’d be doing. I don’t. I feel unworthy of praise or deep connection, no matter how much external gratification I receive. Any inhibitions I have are rooted in the fear of being seen as inadequate by others. I want to be loved unconditionally, as a perfect being, with a perfect body and a perfect soul, by somebody as perfect as me. But that’s not reality, and my brain doesn’t understand that. I just keep imagining better versions of myself and spending my time working towards them, then feel no gratification when I reach it. I don’t know how to live a life without running on this infinite hamster wheel. Does anyone else feel this way?
