AspiringMogger
You can’t jump into the same river twice
- Joined
- Sep 4, 2022
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To have is to owe
It’s become increasingly popular to say phrases similar to “You don’t owe anyone anything” when it comes to dating. I want to challenge that claim.
My impression is that the dating pool is made up of two groups of people; group 1 who believe that nobody owes anyone, and group 2 who doesn’t. These two groups of people don’t create issues if they are dating someone who believes the same as themselves, the issue arises when a person from group 1 finds themselves together with a person from group 2.
Just by looking at the phrase it sounds morally palpable. “I’m not obligated to do anything, because I don’t owe anyone anything”.
In business relations when a debtor signs a contract they promise to pay the creditor back. If they try to escape their financial obligations the creditor can sue and if they win the law suit the government will seize their assets, and forcefully make the debtor pay what he owes… In dating this isn’t the case.
No one (that I know of) signs a contract with terms and agreements that entail what it is exactly that 1) they receive and 2) they owe upon meeting for a first date.
Every individual acts the way they’ve been *taught* is the right way to act… The same way everyone has been taught that you pay back what you owe. The problem arises when you get into an agreement or relationship with someone that hasn’t been taught you pay back what you owe (or do what’s right for that matter).
This issue in dating runs a lot deeper than it may seem. It’s a moral culture war between people who don’t think they owe anyone anything, and as a consequence take with no regard for others vs. People who do what they *think* everyone else is doing which is acting righteous.
In regard to the business example I made earlier, if you sign a contract and promise to pay back your creditor and don’t do it, you will be fined and your assets will legally be seized. The problem in dating is, there is no one that has defined the rules of the game and the consequence if you don’t pay back what you owe. It’s every person for themselves and that’s what a lot of the more extreme ideologies push.
It’s every persons own responsibility to act righteous and do what their moral compass tells them to do.
It’s become increasingly popular to say phrases similar to “You don’t owe anyone anything” when it comes to dating. I want to challenge that claim.
My impression is that the dating pool is made up of two groups of people; group 1 who believe that nobody owes anyone, and group 2 who doesn’t. These two groups of people don’t create issues if they are dating someone who believes the same as themselves, the issue arises when a person from group 1 finds themselves together with a person from group 2.
Just by looking at the phrase it sounds morally palpable. “I’m not obligated to do anything, because I don’t owe anyone anything”.
In business relations when a debtor signs a contract they promise to pay the creditor back. If they try to escape their financial obligations the creditor can sue and if they win the law suit the government will seize their assets, and forcefully make the debtor pay what he owes… In dating this isn’t the case.
No one (that I know of) signs a contract with terms and agreements that entail what it is exactly that 1) they receive and 2) they owe upon meeting for a first date.
Every individual acts the way they’ve been *taught* is the right way to act… The same way everyone has been taught that you pay back what you owe. The problem arises when you get into an agreement or relationship with someone that hasn’t been taught you pay back what you owe (or do what’s right for that matter).
This issue in dating runs a lot deeper than it may seem. It’s a moral culture war between people who don’t think they owe anyone anything, and as a consequence take with no regard for others vs. People who do what they *think* everyone else is doing which is acting righteous.
In regard to the business example I made earlier, if you sign a contract and promise to pay back your creditor and don’t do it, you will be fined and your assets will legally be seized. The problem in dating is, there is no one that has defined the rules of the game and the consequence if you don’t pay back what you owe. It’s every person for themselves and that’s what a lot of the more extreme ideologies push.
It’s every persons own responsibility to act righteous and do what their moral compass tells them to do.
