gasstationcart
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so we’re all just eating dinner, normal family vibes, then uncle joe starts bragging about his “epic workout routine”
like he’s the next arnold schwarzenegger or something. dude’s been hyping it for months.
i throw some shade like “bro, you call that a workout? grandma does more reps and she’s been rocking the walker since forever.”
whole table bursts out laughing, uncle joe’s face goes from alpha to “oh shit, who let this guy talk?”
then grandma’s like, dead serious: “joe, remember when you tried lifting the couch and almost broke ur old back?”
uncle joe claps back with “well at least i don’t cry watching rom-coms every weekend like some people here,”
then my grandma claps back with: “joe, the only thing you lift is that beer can and your excuses.”
my cousin, not missing a beat, starts roasting everyone’s terrible fashion sense like he’s on a stand-up stage.
little sister drops a savage line about my “cooking skills,” aka burning water and setting off the smoke alarm.
dad decides to get involved, roasting mom’s “selective hearing” and how she only hears what she wants (which is everything but him).
then grandma roasts dad’s “dad jokes” so hard the whole table’s crying laughing.
after like 5 minutes of nonstop roasting, someone knocks over the gravy boat, everyone freezes for a sec, then bursts out laughing harder.
like he’s the next arnold schwarzenegger or something. dude’s been hyping it for months.i throw some shade like “bro, you call that a workout? grandma does more reps and she’s been rocking the walker since forever.”
whole table bursts out laughing
, uncle joe’s face goes from alpha to “oh shit, who let this guy talk?”then grandma’s like, dead serious: “joe, remember when you tried lifting the couch and almost broke ur old back?”
uncle joe claps back with “well at least i don’t cry watching rom-coms every weekend like some people here,”
then my grandma claps back with: “joe, the only thing you lift is that beer can and your excuses.”
my cousin, not missing a beat, starts roasting everyone’s terrible fashion sense like he’s on a stand-up stage.
little sister drops a savage line about my “cooking skills,” aka burning water and setting off the smoke alarm.
dad decides to get involved, roasting mom’s “selective hearing” and how she only hears what she wants (which is everything but him).
then grandma roasts dad’s “dad jokes” so hard the whole table’s crying laughing.
after like 5 minutes of nonstop roasting, someone knocks over the gravy boat, everyone freezes for a sec, then bursts out laughing harder.
