Narcissus🥀
Laying on the orchards of Damascus ❤️🥀
- Joined
- Sep 3, 2023
- Posts
- 6,057
- Reputation
- 16,015
Currently in Damascus...
All the people i love are away, all went to different cities.
I sit alone in the capital, choking on regret.
6 months ago, i had everything i could ever want...
I newly got accepted into my new job, graduated and was warmly welcomed at work...
I was supposed to be the young hope for the laboratory im working at...
And i was so loved and adored by everyone...
They all were eager to talk to me, i was like the spoiled little sibling at work.
Most girls there told me that i should model instead, my blackpilled ego couldn't be more satisfied... to be called a model by women, its the ultimate looksmaxxer fantasy.
But it still craved more, my ego...
I became prideful and bitter.
I only liked the validation i got, i became a horrible person to those who were good to me.
Not only that i was blackpilled but also heavily redpilled...
I believed that if i were to act in a certain manner with a woman then she will become obsessed with me...
Game and courtship techniques are only valid for short term strategy with low integrity women.
I thought that i could fake myself as being a self confident and mature male.
But that only hurt me in the long term.
The concept of "game" is hypocritical...
It claims that you should be indifferent about the results, but at the same time if you're a venusian artist then you put plenty of effort into saying and doing the right things, the things that supposedly will spark attraction into women.
Its nothing but a big lie that you force yourself to believe.
You have already lost the moment you start arranging a game plan to seduce a woman, because that is the most needy thing to do.
I used to be normal looking and needy as a kid, now im handsome and arrogant.
These are two faces of doom...
I thought by becoming cocky i would no longer feel the shame I've felt in the past.
But now i see that pride is not the opposite of shame, but it's source..
Humility is the true antidote.
Ive been a horrible person, blinded by the toxic thoughts ive learned only for the sole reason of getting affection from women.
Ive sold my manhood and my masculine will devoting my time to learn how to make women love me.
But they already did love me, i just was always looking for something that could fill the bottomless pit of insecurity lurking inside of my soul.
Now i see i was wrong..
But i see the light now.
Honesty, self respect and manners are what truly make a man.
A true man does not meddle with pathetic tactics to earn the affection of women.
Now i remember six months ago i had everything i could ever ask for.
But i ruined everything, now i have nothing.
And as death knocks on my door i sit in pain.
I fear not what could happen to me.
I fear no man, no weapon, no sadistic way of death and no horrible destiny.
I never did fear anything really...
Except for being a vulnerable and honest person...
I was the lowest of the low, hurting people who were good to me.
Now i am despised, alone and regretful.
I just wanted to be loved.
If i survive what happens next then i know i will do my hardest to be a good person.
I dont want to disappoint anyone anymore.
I genuinely just want to be a better person.
All the people i love are away, all went to different cities.
I sit alone in the capital, choking on regret.
6 months ago, i had everything i could ever want...
I newly got accepted into my new job, graduated and was warmly welcomed at work...
I was supposed to be the young hope for the laboratory im working at...
And i was so loved and adored by everyone...
They all were eager to talk to me, i was like the spoiled little sibling at work.
Most girls there told me that i should model instead, my blackpilled ego couldn't be more satisfied... to be called a model by women, its the ultimate looksmaxxer fantasy.
But it still craved more, my ego...
I became prideful and bitter.
I only liked the validation i got, i became a horrible person to those who were good to me.
Not only that i was blackpilled but also heavily redpilled...
I believed that if i were to act in a certain manner with a woman then she will become obsessed with me...
Game and courtship techniques are only valid for short term strategy with low integrity women.
I thought that i could fake myself as being a self confident and mature male.
But that only hurt me in the long term.
The concept of "game" is hypocritical...
It claims that you should be indifferent about the results, but at the same time if you're a venusian artist then you put plenty of effort into saying and doing the right things, the things that supposedly will spark attraction into women.
Its nothing but a big lie that you force yourself to believe.
You have already lost the moment you start arranging a game plan to seduce a woman, because that is the most needy thing to do.
I used to be normal looking and needy as a kid, now im handsome and arrogant.
These are two faces of doom...
I thought by becoming cocky i would no longer feel the shame I've felt in the past.
But now i see that pride is not the opposite of shame, but it's source..
Humility is the true antidote.
Ive been a horrible person, blinded by the toxic thoughts ive learned only for the sole reason of getting affection from women.
Ive sold my manhood and my masculine will devoting my time to learn how to make women love me.
But they already did love me, i just was always looking for something that could fill the bottomless pit of insecurity lurking inside of my soul.
Now i see i was wrong..
But i see the light now.
Honesty, self respect and manners are what truly make a man.
A true man does not meddle with pathetic tactics to earn the affection of women.
Now i remember six months ago i had everything i could ever ask for.
But i ruined everything, now i have nothing.
And as death knocks on my door i sit in pain.
I fear not what could happen to me.
I fear no man, no weapon, no sadistic way of death and no horrible destiny.
I never did fear anything really...
Except for being a vulnerable and honest person...
I was the lowest of the low, hurting people who were good to me.
Now i am despised, alone and regretful.
I just wanted to be loved.
If i survive what happens next then i know i will do my hardest to be a good person.
I dont want to disappoint anyone anymore.
I genuinely just want to be a better person.